Why are some men so confusing?!

[Positivevibes1]

Hi everyone

so here goes - I’ve been seeing a guy for the past 6 months. Everything started off great and we were very close until we had a minor disagreement - this created a wedge between us however we still continued to see each-other, but we toned down the frequent messaging and dates and kept it a little more relaxed, seeing eachother every few weeks (but when we did see eachother felt normal again). However recently, he has asked me if I am dating other people as he wants to date another person and “see where it goes”. I replied very quickly and said it was fine (think I done this hastily as was embarrassed) assuming that we’d stop speaking so he could pursue this new person however he has now just messaged me asking to meet up tonight?! Wtf?! I’m not sure what to make of it and will obviously just be upfront and ask when I get the guts but what the fuck is going on and why do some men do this?! ANY thoughts/advice welcome as I’m so confused on what could be going through his mind?

He’s not really being confusing. He’s not interested in a serious relationship with you, is looking pelsewhere but probably fancies a shag every now and then when things fall out with the other woman/women.

Value yourself higher than this.

Forgetting him, what do you want? Happy just dating, would like a relationship/family/marriage?

Back to him, sounds like he’s being quite upfront. Wants to date multiple people and pursue something eventually. It wouldn’t be for me, not for a second.

You gave him permission by saying it was fine.. basically you agreed to it, instead of saying you didn't want ye to be seeing other people, perfect scenario for him.. for you not so much 🤷🏻‍♀️ you need to communicate how you really feel

This is a non-starter, OP.

Always useful to believe what people tell you about themselves. He's told you he wants to pursue someone else - happy trails!

You only see each other every few weeks and now he's been upfront in telling you that he's interested in someone else? Really not very confusing, tbh. He's not interested in pursuing a serious/exclusive relationship with you (though probably wouldn't say no to occasional sex).

Up to you.

Seeing each other every few weeks isn't enough for him physically. He wants more and he thinks since you only want to see him occasionally, you've given agreement for him to get it elsewhere.

Dump and move on.

Woman gives permission for a man to do something, and then he does it.
Then thinks that men are confusing?

There is nothing confusing here. He wants to date other women to find other people to shag or maybe find a potential girl friend. He doesn’t see you as a potential girl friend but will occassional message to keep you sweet so you will shag him.

Don’t think I’ve made myself clear - I meant it was confusing for me that he went off to date another woman (I assumed he was gone) but then came back to me 🫣

N

l think Its always best to clarify early on in the relationship what your expectations are.
I would dump and move on with this one as its clear he wants to date others. At least he told you though, so that's something!

Oh bore off no need to be a dick

There are a couple of choices - he wants to keep you sweet while pursuing OW, as some PPs have suggested. Or he's a flake and he can't make up his mind. Or he's someone who can never commit to anything.

But again, I don't think there's anything good for you here, OP, and I don't think it's worth worrying about. There are quite a few frogs out there - half of finding somebody nice is not wasting time with people who aren't.

Other women wasn’t intetested.

That too!

Thankyou for the helpful and kind advice.

Forget this one, what's the point? He downgrades the relationship after 1 argument in preference to resoving anything or agreeing to end things, and you go along with that, why?
Decide what you want, this has no future so if you are looking for a happy relationship, this isn't going to be it.

He might have been multi dating all along.

Probably need to check that in future if you're not okay with it. I wouldn't be either. Just move on. Sorry.

Most likely didn't work out with the other woman.

He probably likes you enough to want to see you "casually", but I think he's been clear that he wants to be available to pursue other relationships.

That wouldn't work for me, but you might feel differently. As long as you are 100% realistic about the situation (he's likely going to find someone else) then it's really up to you.

Just to add....

There's (almost) always the assumption that women are only interested in serious/exclusive relationships. By definition seeing someone only once every few weeks is a casual relationship and very unlikely to be "exclusive". And that's completely fine and may suit both of you.

Casual relationships do require that you be brutally honest with yourself though. If what you really want is exclusivity then you have to be realistic about the situation. But if occasional no-strings-attached sex with someone you like works for you, and you won't be hurt if he finds someone else....then go for it!

Thanks for this - Looking back at my original post I do feel abit silly for not realising he was probably viewing us as causal. I think because we do message each other quite often and when we do get together have a lot of chemistry - maybe it felt like it was abit more than casual (to me).

I think what confused me was when he texted me about wanting to date this other woman, it almost felt like a farewell message and we didn’t speak for a week (which is unlike him) so I assumed ok he’s gone off to date someone else and that’s that then… and then he messaged me again (today) asking to meet up? That’s why I was confused, even though people were basically calling me ridiculous for feeling confused after that 🥲

No need to be so harsh.

I don't agree with the idea that a bf/gf/partner should need permission to do anything, especially at 6 months in.
So she was right in her answer - he can do what he wants.

Saying that, I wouldn't be seeing someone anymore if they asked me that question. I wouldn't refuse permission but the fact he was interested in seeing soemone else would tell me all I needed to know.

So of my bf asked me for permission to see someone else, my answer would be that he was free to do whatever he wanted. He didn't need my consent. But I'd no longer be interested.

Do others actually think that someone being monogamous, not because they want to but only because their partner has enforced it, is a good basis for a healthy relationship?

You can date several people at once. So he's not serious about you and might be interested in someone else. Nothing confusing there. And he's made it clear he doesn't see your relationship as long term or a committed one, so take from that what you will.

He thinks he’s on Love Island

I don't think men are confusing at all actually. They're simple creatures (words of my husband, not me). They're only confusing if you tie yourself in knots trying to interpret their behaviour as some kind of intricate dance instead of what it actually is - them openly and plainly showing you how they're feeling. Single layer.

If they really like you and want to be with you they will be singularly focused on that, they will move mountains to make it happen, small disagreements or meeting another attractive human will not deter them, you are The Goal. If they're not that arsed about you but think you're kind of alright to shag in a pinch they'll make it abundantly clear, as this one is. There's nothing to interpret here from his behaviour - he's just not that into you, as the saying goes.

Chuck him back and keep looking - I don't know you but I'm sure you deserve better than being his "maybe, if it doesn't work out with this other woman" option.

Also sorry you got a dud!