Dating a separated man

[Hagridswife]

So I’ve been seeing this man for a few months now, but the circumstances aren’t ideal
Would love some perspective on this….
He’s been separated from his wife for around 3 years, lives in his own place albeit rented but looking to buy
He jas his kids 2 nights a week however spends most of his time at his old family house
Pretty much everyday till kids go to bed and most days on weekends
The reason for not divorcing yet is due to splitting of assets. He doesn’t want the wife to get too much so he’s biding time till the kids are older and she gets more financially independent
however the whole set up makes me wonder how much can he really give emotionally and mentally considering he is still so enmeshed in his old family life?

Absolutely this. Its a positive that he wants to spend time this kids but why not at his place? Or taking them for days out?

The odd couple of hours with the whole family wouldn’t be a problem but every day?

So when do you get to see him?

I'm separated not divorced (mine is due to not having the money to do it rather than anything else and me being stubborn as I don't believe my ex will pay his half).

I have no ties to him, no family home to split as we sold that when we split. I don't even know where he is living. I've been to see a solicitor so I know he can't come after anything that I've got since we split (He could try but he wouldn't get very far and as I've got proof we split everything the only thing he could try is my pension but I could go after his).

I still wouldn't date the guy in the OP as he's deliberately putting it off so the ex gets shafted. And isn't actually separated if he's still round there every day playing happy families.

Sound like a nice catch.

My exH and I (misguidedly I now think) did something similar when we first split up - he came round for food regularly because his flat was small & the kids didn't like going there - and that definitely wasn't because he wanted to get back with me, it was for their sake.
So there might be a grain of truth in that BUT, crucially, he should be changing that routine now because it's not a fair set up for you. And if he isn't doing that you need to question why.

I can't see how his wife can be dating if she has the kids living with her and he is there all the time. What man is putting up with that?

Ultimately though, as has already been said, his grim reason for delaying the divorce would be enough for me to walk away. It just doesn't paint him in a good or particularly kind light at all.

Thank you all for your replies

Which planet do you come from?!

Divorce brings out the worst in so many people, particularly where finances are concerned. Working in the family court arena demonstrates exactly the sort of levels people are prepared to stoop to, to make sure the other party suffers, and frequently children are involved. Even when both parties claim to be "devoted" parents, the courtroom renders itself as a battleground which can (and does) really affect the mental health and wellbeing of all concerned - including the kids.

It's turned me into a right cynic. You have to develop a tough skin in this industry - and you see the same cycle (different names / numbers / assets / issues) repeatedly.

Yep, and it's difficult to move forward the relationship if he's still married - if you wanted to buy a house together or wanted to move into a place he buys on his own, his wife might have a claim on it.

Seems silly for him to be considering buying a house while he's still married and the financial settlements yet to be sorted out.

She’s so argumentative that he’s choosing to spend most of his time in her home.

Yeah, not buying any of it.

I suppose even if everything he’s said feels true to him and he isn’t directly lying, the point is that he is keeping his attachments in a disorganised fashion.