To feel fed up of never fitting in.

[Eatsleepjamrepeat]

I am 40 and have not one friend.
I have people who would say they are my friends but I always feel on the outside of everything.
I have tried to make friends in my place of work and have been invited for a few things but I always feel it is out of pity and because it would be rude not to invite me. I am so boring and lacklustre I can’t see why anyone would seek me out.
I am even more boring than usual when I’m with people I don’t know that well because I feel on edge and it makes me very uptight.
I don’t think I’m unkind or mean but I am very very dull and I think that’s the issue. I’ve never done anything of any interest and even though I keep up on current affairs etc I have nothing in my own life which would be very interesting to anyone else.
I’ve never fitted in but I feel like it’s got worse with age.
Do I just give up and accept that I’ll never have any friends?

Hiya, OP . . . so sorry you're feeling the way you do about friends

Just wondering if you pick up on things that other people are talking about and ask questions as other people generally appreciate others showing interest.

Also, if a colleague mentions that something is happening in their life, do you remember it and ask them about it later? e.g. "How did your DH's interview go yesterday?" or "Did you find the shoes you wanted?"

I think showing genuine interest in other peoples lives is one of the key things about friendships, Several of my friends are "cat ladies" and I've never owned a cat. But I ask them from time to time about their cats, offer to feed the cats when they go away on holiday and show a bit of interest when they talk about them (as long as it doesn't involve mice!😖)

I'm sure other PP's will be along soon to add some better advice, particularly as you are describing yourself as 'boring and lacklustre' ~ hopefully some of them will be able to help you with this

I'm 66 and have had a lifetime of no friends.

If I do make one I can't keep them.

As a teenager I hung out with boys as they were more interesting .
I was very lonely as a child, teenager.

Got married and had kids and thought I won't be lonely now cos kids will be friends with me, not true.
Also thought I'd make friends with other mums , nope.

Eventually diagnosed with autism in my 50s and suddenly everything makes sense.
Come to terms with it now and at peace with it and am fine with my own company and my dog .

You don't need to be interesting to make friends.

But maybe you should bring some more things into your life. Can you join a club? Start a new hobby?..there's so much out there. I think the best way to make friends when you're struggling to connect is by doing something that you enjoy as it takes the pressure off the socialising and you've already got one thing in common with the people around you.

I have wondered if I am autistic although I’d never look for a diagnosis as I don’t believe it would change anything.
I find it hard because I have nothing going for me. I am ugly in appearance, I am awkward, I have nothing of interest to say - which is annoying because my head is quite full of stuff but it never translates.
I feel most days like if I wasn’t here no one would notice or care. It would be a bit of drama for everyone and then it would be like I’d never existed.
I know most people are forgotten in a generation or two anyway, but I think for me it would be about two days 🤣
Im like a ghost in my own life.

HI Eatsleepjamrepeat,

We can see that you've had some helpful replies but we think that our Relationships topic is a better place for your thread. AIBU can sometimes be a bit blunt, especially when you're feeling fragile, so we're going to move it over.

@Eatsleepjamrepeat when you say that your head is full of stuff but it never translates, can you describe what you mean? Is it that you cannot find the words to create conversations around these topics? Experience has taught me that many people feel uncomfortable when interactions do not follow norms so if you come out with a random statement or question they feel uneasy. The few people who diverge from norms are the most interesting though.