Found out he's married with a child, what now?

[petit0579]

Been seeing a guy for a couple of months - he works all over the country so we've met most weeks on weeknights when he's in the area (we have slept together).

He has been quite evasive about some things, such as refusing to tell me his surname and never messaging or responding at weekends. I bit the bullet and asked him last night if he had a girlfriend and he said "not really".

Today I finally managed to find him on social media and it turns out he's married and has a child.

Where do I go next? Do I confront him about lying to me? Do I just block him and move on?

Classic, a travelling salesman with a bit on the side everywhere he goes. Sorry you were taken in by this OP.

before me and the guy I was seeing from OLD spent a night together I made sure I knew his surname. He told me immediately and in fact would’ve told me earlier but I hadn’t asked and it hadn’t crossed his mind.

It’s never a good idea to get too intimate with someone you don’t know even the surname whether you’ve met them in a gym or online or wherever. I mean imagine if you Google them after and they’re a sex offender or something? Of course people can hide things but you should gather basic details and due diligence.

Block and move on, Op. it happens to the best of us - we live and learn!

Working away 🚩
Chats you up in his hotel 🚩
Evasive 🚩
Won’t tell you his surname 🚩
Only contactable during the week 🚩
No weekend communication 🚩

Every sign he’s married was there from the start

personally I would inform the wife... because she deserves to know and should go for an sti check

as should you!

who knows who else he was shagging

Tell his wife please.

I’d just dump him and not get into the reason.

I’d make sure to do it at the weekend by text as well so that he can’t get into anything.

Last week I read a thread where a woman was going on a date, and the date in advance said ‘Google me’; the response on here was that the person must be up their own arse and a total narcissist to say such a thing.

I always google OLD dates! If they are fibbing about where they work, or what age they are, I can easily figure it out through a quiet online stalk. And I consider it due diligence. Meeting someone in s gym/bar/hotel, okay, you don’t have that option the first time, but you were fobbed off subsequently.

I went out for a few dates with a guy, old flame I bumped into after 20 years. He was divorced, coparenting not very amicably. We exchanged divorce war stories, tea, and sympathy. After a few times, I figured out he was living with a girlfriend and her son, but had conveniently left this out! I literally rose from the bed, got dressed and left.

If I were you, I’d just move on. Not worth your headspace.

The signs were there, you chose to ignore them.

Block.

Ghost.

Move on.

And he doesn't work all over the country. He is sleeping with several women.

You need to get STD tested.

Another vote for telling his wife. It’s not your responsibility but assuming this is a pattern of behaviour for him (which seems likely) he’s putting her and maybe even their child’s health at risk.

Don’t get dragged into anything though. Just send all the evidence you have and then block her if necessary.

Don’t do this as it will clue him to shut down his social media so its harder for his next girlfriend to work out what a dog he is.

Just block and ghost. Message his wife as well if
you want to but for god’s sake don’t give him a head’s up about it.

I would also message his wife (if you can find her details). It's up to her what she does with the info and you have no mutual friends so there's no downside to you.

I would feel guilty to walk away and leave her not knowing her health is at risk and that she's with an arsehole of a man.

Send the screenshot and ask 'which of us is going to tell her?', and then block. Leave him to do the swearing and having to work out if you will or won't tell her. It is his mess to sort out with her, not yours.

Surely you knew something was seriously wrong when he wouldn't tell you his surname?? Let alone the fact he wouldn't message at weekends?

He may as well have walked around with a sign saying "I'm dodgy as fuck" yet you continued.

As for what to do, well you either end it and tell him or end it and don't bother telling him. Presumably the 'ending it' bit is obvious.

Please tell his wife.

If nothing else she deserves to know he is putting her health at serious risk. You also need an STD test.

You’ve found her on FB - I’d screenshot his messages with his number showing, and message them to her saying you are sorry, had no idea until you did some digging, and that you thought she should know.

Get an STD check, and ask yourself some very searching questions about why you were happy to shag someone who wouldn’t tell you his surname or have any weekend contact, or even whether he was single!

This. Maybe get yourself tested too?

Always a good idea to get tested regardless but I’m assuming OP used protection surely? I mean she didn’t even know his last name.

I struggle to understand why someone would have unprotected sex with someone they’re not seriously committed to.

Probably fairly common outside my little bubble but it’s absolutely bonkers. Maybe it’s because when I was younger a girl I was mates with caught HIV from the guy she was seeing but it’s just always struck me as a massive gamble with your life.

Send him a screenshot of what you've found and then block him on everything without saying anything.

Do this. She deserves to know.

Don’t play your cards, just tell his wife if you can find her.

(we have slept together).

He has been quite evasive about some things, such as refusing to tell me his surname and never messaging or responding at weekends.

.........

In future don't sleep so why someone that you don't even know his full name.

That aside ", the man is cheating scum. Block him and move on with your life and learn not to be so trusting again especially when being intimate with someone you barely know.

there is no point telling off OP for a decision I am sure she regrets.

important thing is her physical health and letting the wife now

You were seeing/sleeping with someone for MONTHS who didn't tell you his surname?