Bars

[IHE]

1. As a single 50something woman, would you go to a bar on your own?
2. If you did, how would you feel about an apparently single 50something man trying to engage you in conversation? (Let's say, for the sake of argument, that whilst he's no George Clooney, he's polite, respectful, 95% sober (it is a bar afterall), reasonably educated and cultured, not hideously ugly, almost as funny as he thinks and not too obviously staring down your cleavage.)

I'm asking as a 50something, (genuinely) single man who's giving up on dating apps and I've read several online articles suggesting bars are a "good place to meet people".
I'm skeptical. Maybe it still is in your 20s, possibly even 30s, but from my side of the fence, it seems a pretty unrealistic suggestion in your 50s.

I'm 48 F and wouldn't go to a bar alone but I would go with a friend.
I agree with you that dating apps are not worth the bother.
The trouble is that many of us are very guarded after bad experiences online.
A nice guy chatted up me and my friend in a local bar last summer, but I was wary because I found it odd he was alone.

As a 50 something single woman I would only go into a bar on my own if I was waiting for a friend to arrive.
Though I would go into maybe a pub by a station etc if I’d had a day out and wanted a quick drink.

Ill be honest anyone did approach me to make conversation I would probably be quite aloof and give short answers hoping they’d go away and leave me in peace.

I epuld but depends in the type of bar.

Youre more likely to find someone in a coffee shop really

Bit younger, but no I wouldn't be going into a bar to "meet someone". I don't think that works once you're past say early 30s. For that matter I've been bothered by strange men in bars and pubs more than enough for one lifetime, so any man approaching me would get short shrift. I'd do actual activities (group hike, volunteering, go to a festival) if I wanted to meet someone.

While I'm not 50 (I'm 41) I would never go to a bar on my own unless I was waiting for someone. If a man approached me in one I would be vary wary (as I've had some very strange and dangerous men come up to me in bars) and I certainly wouldn't think they were looking for a relationship, a one night stand maybe but not a relationship.

I've always found the best place to meet people is via hobbies and while I have never joined a hobby outright looking for love I have build up very strong friendships that have turned into relationships down the line.

I'm 35 and wouldn't go to a bar alone

I’m 50-something, but not single, and I’m quite likely to go to a bar on my own. If I was single, I’d be very amenable towards an educated, cultured, slightly-funny guy who didn’t stare at my cleavage (too much).

I'm 65 and have gone to bars on my own for 40 years. Obviously somewhere decent ...not Spoons!!
Mainly during the day or early evening...not 9pm on s Saturday

I’m a 50 something woman in a new relationship. My new boyfriend met a couple of my friends in a pub, one of my friends started chatting to him.

Several of my friends have also met men this way recently, it’s the way people used to meet up when we were young also.

We don’t go to pubs and bars singly though, but in groups.

Some advice though. If a woman notices you and might be interested in talking to you, she’ll make eye contact, more than once. Wait for a bit of a signal, smile etc. Don’t just go up cold to a woman who is taking no notice of you and is solely focussed on her friends, or her book, laptop etc.

As a bloke, I would not approach a single woman in a bar. Chances are she is in a relationship and even if not, would worry she would feel uncomfortable if I did. The only way I could do that is if it was very clear she was interested, which would probably be a wave or coming to me.

I don't think many women would go into a bar alone, especially in the evening, unless they were waiting for someone. They'd definitely go into a pub during the daytime but even then most probably to grab a bite to eat during a shopping or business trip. Your spelling of skeptical (sceptical) suggests you're American, so perhaps things are different there.

I'm not American. It's worse than that. I'm dyslexic and reliant on spellchecker and predictive text.

I'm late 40s and I wouldn't go to a bar on my own but then I'm not really the 'do it alone' type anyway. Nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with someone though if you are polite and respectful and read the signs if they do not want to engage. In my opinion its far better than dating apps.

I'd be vary wary of it too, as I'd expect to be presumed to be a predatorial misogynist and a neusance to women.
#whenpatriarchybitesback

OK, I apologise for accusing you of being American.

Whilst I'm sure eye contact is a good sign, it assumes she hadn't given up on pulling that evening and, in desperation, just reactivated her Bumble account whilst sobbing into her white wine spritzer.

If you've been going to bars on your own as a single woman for 40yrs, that doesn't suggest they're a great place to meet a longterm, monogamous partner who you actually want to spend time with. 🤔

If only you were single and I wasn't pig-ugly. Hey ho. 🤣

Being assumed to be a psycho by default is very much why I'm unconvinced by the suggestion.

I've thought about taking up another hobby, but I'd read that men with too many hobbies tends to put women off.

@ginasevern No offence taken. I've been called worse.

Lol.

What category of bar did you have in mind? The only ones I know of in this small town are Wetherspoons, old men's pubs, or family eating type places (think Beefeaters or Harvesters) that you wouldn't really tend to go to on your own.

Going to a bar to meet people might have been a thing to do in the 1980s or 1990s, but ever since then we've seen the slow death of the pub/bar as a social environment. 20 somethings aren't going out to bars to meet people. They are all on their phones chatting to each other on apps.

If you do want to meet women in bars, always go with at least one mate.
Most women don't go to bars alone, except if they're waiting for someone or just there to work on the laptop or grab a break during working locally.
It needs to be the type of place where people might flirt though. So not Wetherspoons at midday (or any time really) or a casual coffee shop. Maybe somewhere a bit more lively and trendy, on a night out.
If you're in a group and enjoying yourself, it will be more likely women will be interested than if you sit there alone awaiting lone females in an obvious fashion.

I wouldn't go into a bar in an evening on my own - with friends, yes, but not on my own. During the day, not a problem.

If you're 50 something, you'll remember the good old days of going in pubs with your friends and spot a group of women and ... that's how people met.

If you're assuming that a woman on her own in a pub on an evening is on the pull or desperate and sobbing into her WWS then there's your reason you're not having much luck - women can sense the Andrew Tate vibe. Perhaps I've misunderstood you?

OK, OP. It sounds like you're assuming that's the only reason a woman would go to a bar alone?

I'm 49. I do go to bars on my own. Well pubs anyway. Usually, only if I already know the place but I have been known to go to other pubs on my own. I'd never go with the intention of meeting someone though. It's usually because there's a band I'd like to see, i like the environment, I'm at a loose end or because I know they have a good selection of ales on.

I don't appreciate being 'chatted up' and give pretty short shrift to anyone who is clearly doing that! Especially if they'd assumed that was the reason I was there - it never is.

But I am open to having conversations with people. If a man approaches me and starts a conversation, I'll engage until I don't want to anymore. Sometimes, conversations will last a couple of minutes and sometimes, if we click, I'll chat for longer.

If a man, under those circumstances, asked for my number and said he'd enjoyed talking to me and would like to see me again, I might consider it (were I single, which I'm not).

I've been going to pubs on my own for a fair few years so I'm pretty good at spotting men who are out and just chatting vs those who are on the prowl.