will someone please talk to me?

[mustsleep]

have just had a really bad fright i suppose you could say and could do with some one anyone to talk to

dh has just back from drinking at the pub had a massive go at me to the point where he was screaming in my face and pushing me, he scared me, woke up both the kids scared them and wouldn't leave the house

he kept shouting that it was his house i don;t work or pay the mortgage so he could do what he wanted ( i look after the kids all day and work on an evening)

i do not like him to go out as normally he comes back and whilst most people would be just tipsy he is off his face and can hardly stand up normally he is just a bit aggressive but he's really scared me this time, i thought he might actually hit me, i am 5 months pregnant. i threatened to call the police if he oldn;t just go upstairs and sleep it off but that just mad eit worse and he backed me into the corner and wouldn;t let me near the phone he just ept shouting that i was a bitch and he hoped i died

i do not have anyone to talk to as none of my friends live near, eventually he went to the loo and the kids came downstairs with me and i managed to convince him to go to bed he just kept saying he had made a mistake and he was sorry. have just heard him talking upstairs and didn;t want him to wake the kids so went up and he was saying random stuff and his face is covered in blood it was not like that when i left him i dont know what he's done there's blood all over the bed

am quite hormonal anyway but cant stop crying now

i would ring the police, he backed you into a corner and you are pregnant, and now he is self harming? or has he fallen?

that sounds really scary mustsleep, no family around that you could go and stay with?

do you think or know it is just alcohol?

don;t really want to get my mum and dad involved as this hasn't really happended before and my sister is out

i think he has fallen don;t think he was condcious enough to actually hurt himself

ds is back at school tomorrow so don;t want to drag him out and i have to go to work in the after noon although not sure i want to now

i was gong to call the police but wouldn't know what to say expeciallly as he seems to be unconscious now, this never happens he is normally really nice and just a bit loud when drunk, i keep trying to tell him he gets aggressie but he won;t remember or he will try to make out that i brought it on

darling make sure he doesn't see you writing any of this, it could make it worse for you

This sounds like a dreadful situation. Poor you - how scary

Does this happen often or is this a one off?

i now it's just alcohol and it's not all the time it's just when he has had a skin full all i said when he came in was could i have my cash card back as was worried he had lost it and did he think he should go to bed and he just started shouting at me

you need to find out what he's done. you might need to call an ambulance.

Hi there mustsleep. First of all, you poor thing. This is absolutely awful. You must feel so vulnerable and anxious about it.

You say this hasn't really happened before - but would you say it's completely and utterly out of the blue? Had you noticed anything about his behaviour towards you or the children in the past which made you a little bit worried or anxious?

forot to add he never normally drinks enough to have a skinful just one or two on a night keep hearing bumps upstairs but think it is just him shifting around in the bed

i need my mobile but can't find it anywhere and was going to ask him to call t when e gets in. i usually use it to set my alarm with on a morning so i get up for school but don;t want to wake him by rummaging

no he is normally fine esp with the kids but when he had a few when we both had last summer he got like this and we had a huge row but i thought that i might have cuased it as i had had a drink too, but know this time it has nothing to do with my behaviour

i was going to call his mother but really think that that would make things worse and would end up sitting here with her all night and can;t think of something that could make this worse aprt from maybe that

are the children asleep now?
If this is unusual then fair enought but you should not be fightened in your your own home and you should not be frightened by your partner who is meant to love you
It may not be the time to think about it (you clearly have more practical issues right now) but you really should take some time to think about this relationship longer term

sorry, that all sounded very bossy -clearly, just my opinion

I understand what you're saying about not wanting to go to your parents mustsleep, but you sound really scared. Are you sure you want to spend the night there?

and have you checked where the blood has come from?

Glad to hear he's normally fine. I had been wondering whether he might be prone to bouts of domestic violence - this typically starts mild and then builds up over months or years, so that the woman barely notices until something awful happens. But you say this is not the case in your situation.

So he's asleep now, the house is quiet and the kids are...possibly in bed? What is your main concern now:

a) his behaviour towards you?
b) the injury he's done to himself?
c) something else?

i thik he has prob just cut his head on something have just been up cos dd was shouting me that she couldnt sleep,and he is passed out cold now and will be for the rest of the night i think

and the bleeding seems to have stopped now

we have been together for nearly ten years and this hasn;t been an issue before as we never seem to have anymoney to go out with anyway

the kids are going to sleep i think and i might due to the blood and undoubted snoring try to slep downstairs or in ds's bed (although it is a cabin bed but do not think i will fit in with dd (toddler bed)

i think that i will show him this thread in the morning to show himhow unacceptablehis behaviour has been

feel calmer now i know he has gone to bed just feeling a bit shocked and emotional about it all, i mean i nearly called the police to take my dh away as i was so scared of him

don't know what to do in the morning about this whether he will go to work or whatever and if he should speak to someone ornot

glad you feel calmer. Hope you have a calm and uneventful night from now on.

yes he should speak to someone so should you really

I hope you are ok

should definitely speak to someone, you should never feel scared of the person you live with.

Glad you can think about going to sleep, however do you really think it's best to show him this thread? If I were in his position I'd take umbrage at the fact that you were discussing my behaviour online. You might find that he focuses more on that point, and less on the important issue of what happened tonight.

I think you've put it well by saying you nearly called the police as you were so terrified. A good way to open up might be to ask him first what happened last night - let him tell you first so that you understand better where he's coming from. This will also make him feel he's been listened to - very important if you want him to take on board your own perspective.

When you both feel that he's told you everything, ask him whether he realises the impact his behaviour had on you. Then stop and let him answer the question. Tell him - politely, calmly, but firmly, what exactly he did when he came home. Tell him that his behaviour frightened you so much that you were thinking of calling the police and maybe taking the children away for the night. Tell him that his behaviour made you so worried that you didn't want to share a bed with him. By all means criticise the behaviour, but try to avoid criticising him as a person as this may likely get his back up, and he may end up focusing more on his irritation with the way that you're communicating.

I learned this some years ago - my DH and I learned about good ways to handle conflict on a marriage development course, and it really works.

I hope so much for you that things work out well, that he takes you seriously, and that this never, ever happens again.

Good luck, hon! Let us know on this thread how it goes in the morning.

Oh - and tell him not only how it made you feel, but how it also affected the children.

Good luck!

xxx

thanks he has jusy woken up and pissed all over the bedroom floor shouted at me again and passed out

think you are right about the thread thing maybe not a good idea