Why can’t I remember my childhood?

[Simplefoke]

In a conversation earlier my friends were talking about parts of their childhood. I cant remember anything from pre 18 really. Can’t remember holidays or birthday’s or funny moments. There is just nothing in my brain at all! I’ve never been able to remember so it’s not a new thing.

Anyone else like this?

I think this is pretty unusual. What was your childhood like?

Do you remember your schooldays?

Most people only recall odds and ends and certain events , I do only recall some stuff - eg bullying at school by racists, the times I got beaten up by them - some much happier days in higher education - a day at my primary school when a boy started crying aged 5 and ran home - about 100 feet from school - me telling a porkie getting my first job days before I was 18 - and just a little more like personal stuff

@RampantIvy Ummmmm my mum was sick (life long illness) she was often depressed because of it. I don’t remember school.

I was an incredibly anxious child, I can remember the feeling and that’s it.

What are your parents like do you get on ? Not remembering anything pre 18 is unusual what age are you ? I can remember bits and bobs pre teen years but I remember more from 12ish onwards

I feel this way also! I feel no connection to myself as a child/teen and can’t remember loving or hating anything, what my personality was like, what I talked about with friends… it can be very disconcerting!

I can’t remember school or holidays or activities or even concerts of my favourite bands that I went to. I presume it’s abnormal as my brother has a razor sharp memory and can list off the hotels we stayed at in Spain on holiday, what restaurants we went to, what years we went….

@loropianalover me either and it feels weird.

I have this too. I remember very little, in fact almost nothing pre 18. I still struggle remembering a lot of my adult life. My dad died when I was 10 so think this may have altered my memory of childhood but also recent events

Your brain can shut things down it's a preservation thing maybe it's been that?

I have a medical condition that needed lots of operations and treatment I've shut some of that trauma away.

@Mrsjayy my dad has passed but we were
close. My mum hmmmm she is still here. We aren’t hugely close emotionally. She has never been able to meet any emotional needs.

DS has poor episodic memory and claims not to remember large chucks of his own history - yet things do trigger memories - food/scents/locations so there are more than he initially aware of.

Does that happen for you - or is there literally nothing.

Maybe you have just detached the brain and detaching from emotions might be to protect you. Or maybe your emotional development needs were not met. How do you feel when you look at photos is there photos?

@Mrsjayy Ive no recollection when I look at photos of ever being there, it’s like another human.

I would say very very unusual - my first thought is trauma response.

If you don't have any recollections at all i think that's quite unusual.

It does feel very unusual to be so disconnected. @Mrsjayy Ive always suspected I am ND and wondered if this could explain any of it.

Hi OP, how do you feel about the fact that you can't locate any childhood memories?

@Cathbrownlow odd and disconnected if I think about it too much and anxious.

I don't remember huge chunks of my childhood either. Just tony snippets. My family will say 'remember this..?' Or 'remember when we went to such and such..?'. I often just draw a blank. Weird isn't it.

People with aphantasia ( where you cannot see images in your mind) tend to have poor autobiographical memory and aphantasia is more common in people with autism. Could that be you?

Or could be a trauma response given what you have said.

Maybe Neurodiversity comes into it. Have you spoken to a GP at all?

It could be disassociation caused by a trauma response OP. I have this from losing a parent at a young age. I have very few memories of childhood events and even photos don't feel like my life.

I have had lots of talking therapy to try and work through issues from childhood.

@Simplefoke @NeverStopHulaing I was going to suggest aphantasia too. I am on the ND spectrum.

However, like you op I had a difficult childhood. I do have some memories but not the picture type in my head as I don't have them. I also have aphantasia. I talk my pictures out so I am good orally. My passion comes through through speaking pictures

You say your childhood was difficult, so you will have been on survival mode. The anxiety fits this and is very common in survivors.

@Etherealcelestialbeing I have looked into that. If I think hard I don’t think my childhood was happy. I was very anxious and worried about my mum. I only know that from a feeling not actually photo like memory. I have and I am working on it turning me into a terrible people pleaser.

I have very few memories from childhood (under 18). Photos will sometimes spark something.

I was very ill and in significant pain from about age 13 to about age 21 when my grandparents paid for me to have an operation.

My mum took me to the doctor several times but we were both fobbed off.

I believe that I dissociated a lot due to the pain and as a result I don't really remember anything.