Why can’t I remember my childhood?

[Simplefoke]

In a conversation earlier my friends were talking about parts of their childhood. I cant remember anything from pre 18 really. Can’t remember holidays or birthday’s or funny moments. There is just nothing in my brain at all! I’ve never been able to remember so it’s not a new thing.

Anyone else like this?

@keffie12 I struggle tying to figure out the root of the anxiety. It has reduced a great deal now that I’m older. All I remember is I was anxious lots. Loud noises and people. All of this is from feelings and not memories. I can’t figure out whether my relationship with my mum was the issues or whether I was/am ND and never knew how to connect or go to her or anyone. Or whether it’s both.

I can't really either. Yes some isolated events

I have adhd i think it's part of that

https://oliviaspeakss.medium.com/understanding-neurodiversity-memory-loss-e7112587f79f

Looking at ADHD Autistic for one of my kids - and the facial stuff is a massive thing in my family - it's a personal article rather than research based.

I suspect with DS his poor working memory isn't helping with the laying down of memories.

However another child is very like me can't remember faces or names but a lot of extra stuff is there -- so don't just remember a fact but where it from - who and where they were or which book and which library and which shelf even decades later - but it can be all or absolutely nothing and it's very disconcerting when memory lets you down.

So it could be a few things going on due to ND.

I’m wondering if my ND if I am was much more of an issue when I was younger. Now I’m older I’ve learned how to navigate things I didn’t have a clue how to back then. Also having no support meant I didn’t know if I was normal or if I was supposed to find things so difficult so I suffered. I was always fobbed off at school because academically I was fine, socially I was awful. I didn’t even speak till I was 4 and had to have therapy….so my mum tells me.

I can remember coming out of the air-raid shelter on the morning of my 3rd birthday and feeling excited about it. We were evacuated shortly afterwards and never returned to that house, so I am not muddled about a later birthday.

@Simplefoke Many don't realise how much our childhood impacts out adulthood. It has.

Our inner child whose emotional needs weren't met will be anxious. This will continue into adulthood and manifest in different ways.

It doesn't matter whether it's one or both. You could ask for an ND assessment. You can find the basic test paper online to give you a starting point.

It's likely it is caused by both. Nothing rarely sits as a singular issue.

Incidently, I have had 20 plus years of varying therapies and some specialists, so that's why I can speak with some knowledge on this.

ACAADF may help you. It's a 12-step fellowship I also attend. There are online meetings, too. ACAADF stands for Adult Children Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families. It's really useful. It may help you too. It's free, yes. Link below

www.adultchildrenofalcoholics.co.uk/

@keffie12 thanks for the link. I do suffer terrible rejection sensitivity so have to stay away from certain people who cause this to come out. It’s not a nice feeling and I’ve never managed to get rid of it despite knowing it’s my issue. It’s obviously a deep issue of mine.

My dm died when I was a teen after a horrific death. I have very few memories of my childhood. Dsis who was 11 has none at all. The few I have all cut her out when rationally I know she would have been there. So one is in the car with my siblings, Dad driving, the front seat is empty but she would have been there or one of us would be in the seat. I look at photos but they don't prompt any memories. I think I was so traumatised by her death that I shut it all out even the good bits.

I have a similar situation. I have basically no memories from childhood but as I get older I am losing more and more memories, from only a few years ago. I have a few very random memories through the years but nothing solid really in my childhood.
I find it really hard to try to remember or visualise things that I know happen. Even looking at photos won't really remind me of anything.
It is really strange and makes me feel disconnected sometimes and also I feel uncomfortable around people I know but don't have distant memories with, it feels like they could know things about me that I don't remember if that makes sense.

You're welcome, and good luck 👍

I can more easily remember horrible things from being a child than the nice things ie I can clearly remember bullying comments made by other kids but can’t so clearly remember birthdays and Christmases.

I have this too OP! I have always wondered how people much older than me can remember childhood when I can't. I don't have any trauma that I'm aware of, and would say I had a 'normal' happy upbringing. It's not just from childhood either, as an adult my memory of things is really poor.
I am being assessed for ADHD and Autism so maybe that will come into play for me but having a poor memory has always been something that I worry about.

Yes that's a common thing with medical trauma.

@pinkoryelloworgreen ive also got poor adult memory. I only really realised now I’ve noticed my daughter has exactly the same. She can’t remember what she has done in the past. I thought it was from lack of excitement or being happy with the outing etc. She literally can’t place herself in her memories and neither can I.

I've had therapy for this (well, for different reasons but obviously you have to bring up your past / childhood) and yep, it's a response to trauma. In my case it wasn't anything horrendously traumatic, just something unpleasant that happened at a key point in my life. So the same as you, I don't really remember much of my life at all until about 18/19...

@Starlight1979 it does sound a lot like trauma. I just can’t decide whether it’s in response to my mum or if I was ND and struggling . She was often unwell (not her fault) depressed with the illness and prone to shouting outbursts….funny I can remember that and I can feel like I was often afraid. The fact I hated loud noises and people I’m not sure if that is just because I was always on high alert. I struggle today with people.

I have the same poor memory @Simplefoke

My dad died when I was 11 (witnessed by myself and my brother).

I have very few memories of my childhood and struggle to recall things that happened say, in primary school or anything really - I don't remember dad other than some tiny snippets (but I can remember the feeling of my wet feet as I ran to the top of our street to flag down the ambulance on the day he died).

I'm assuming it's a trauma response (CPTSD) and I'd probably benefit from therapy but I'm not sure I could cope with discussing my dads death and how it has affected me - I always get upset when talking about him.

Our mum took us on holiday the summer after he died, and I can't recall much about what we did.

It's a shame, as I know I had a lovely childhood and was much loved by my dad

But my adult memory is just as bad - I've been with DH for nearly 17 years and I struggle to recall the things we did in our early years together... I think my brain must be damaged due to the trauma

I suspect this is your brain protecting you from the pain of those years. Have you had any therapy about it? Can you remember things like the house you lived in or the rooms in your school etc? Eg where you had maths, where you did PE?

I have very few memories from a period where my mother was very unwell, but I have a huge number of memories from my teens which were an incredibly happy period for me. I revisit these memories a lot because they bring me joy.

My best friend is exactly the same.

She didn’t come from an awful back ground but her parents could be harsh and she could he a very anxious child. She was always under a lot of pressure to take care of everyone else and her mum wasn’t very kind to her. I think she has blocked it out

I can only remember bits of it. I have friends who recall memories so clearly and so many different ones, I rely on them and photos to remind me!

Forgot to add.. my general memory is ace though.

Hello

I am like this and recently found out I have Aphantasia - a condition with the inability to form mental images in the mind, and affects episodic memory recall plus other traits.

My sister recently found out she had it, then I did too! It’s so weird and never realised anything was wrong except I generally don’t remember anything that happened in my life except emotional events / times linked to photographs. So strange. The main indicator is that when you close your eyes can you form images or not? I see just black , blank space. There is a very simple test to determine this.

Could have written that word for word almost about my own childhood. Got very little recollection of it. DH rattles off everything he did as a child, yet I have such a tiny amount there.

I remember being badly bullied at school.

I could have written this. My mum had post natal depression that wasn’t treated - she got tablets but refused to take them then it shadowed her whole life. And mine. I think it comes down to not having a secure attachment to your main caregiver. Look up attachment types.