Men v Women. An office debate

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Having a quick skive at work this afternoon when an innocent enough debate between a couple people suddenly snowballed into a full on heated "discussion", which appears to have gotten a few colleagues backs up. Thought I'd share the fun here lol..

So if your mate confided in you they were messing about behind their partner's back would you: sound out their other half, or keep schtum for your mate? Bunch of blokes hands shot up at the first option. Mostly all the girls went for option 2. Someone then tactfully commented how this proves women always cover for each other, cheat more often etc, the whole bloody office just erupted into chaos and it was absolutely brilliant!!

Over to Mumsnet..

That is a complete gender reverse from my own experience.

Keep shctum for my friend. Always have their backs.

I’d keep quiet too, unless they were both friends of mine. It’s none of my business and I would want to support my friend emotionally.

I’m not sure how women can cheat more often though, unless they are having relationships with other women, surely it’s 50/50!

I’d do option 3- you have two weeks to tell your partner, or I will.

Same, I’m not covering up for someone doing something so awful, friend or not.

I wouldn't say anything, but I'd reconsider my friendship with her.

A friend of mine told me that he used me as his alibi when he was seeing his mistress. I told him that I wouldn’t cover for him and if his wife asked me if I were with him on a given night, I’d tell her the truth.

Nonsense. The only conceivable way this actually happened was if you work in an office of earnestly bearded 'progressive' men who are lying because its fits their image, or an office full of chancers who fancy their best mates girlfriends.

This is intriguing. Depending on the office culture it could be men trying to impress women by saying what they think is the right answer and then women trying to impress men by saying how much of a cool girl they are.

So, yes very possible everyone is lying.

I agree with first post - in my experience (not what people would say they do, but what they actually do), blokes keep quiet (and horribly actually find it funny what the other man is getting away with) but women are up front and find a way to get it out in public.

Depending on the circumstances obviously, but I’d probably do neither of those. I would not want any involvement at all and would actually be extremely annoyed to have been told about it. I’d probably distance myself from the friendship.

I'd keep quiet because I'm loyal

Does it have to be a men vs woman thing?
I don't think this is a gender thing. I think everyone behaves differently. Plus, it depends on the friend, the nature of the friendship, how close you are, whether you know the partner, whether keeping the secret can bite you in the ass afterwards, whether it's a full on affair or a one time kiss with regret, whether you've been cheated on yourself or have cheated on someone yourself in the past, ...
Your response is determined by so much more than whether you have a penis or a vagina...

In my experience of a fairly broad range of blokes (working class, middle class, different heritages etc) they would be the most likely to cover for their friend and probably find his unfaithfulness funny and clever.

I'd keep quiet for my friend but I'm really surprised that most men went with the alternative

Why would anyone involve themselves in other peoples relationships or marriages? Who does this?

If a friend told me they were cheating on their partner, firstly I'd ask why feel the need to tell me and secondly I would forget about it.

BECAUSE ITS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

I wonder if the men thought 'Ah - here's a problem - speak out and it's solved, bish bosh,' whereas the women understood that, if they spoke out, there's a good chance that they would get blamed by all sides in a 'shoot the messenger' scenario.

But my experience is that men generally wouldn't say anything - unless they had a self-interested motivation in being a shoulder to cry on for the woman concerned...

I'd stay out of it because I'd be inviting drama and fallout into my life due to nothing that I had done. Age has taught me that this is generally the best policy.

I would mind my own business.

None of my business so I'd stay out of it, but I'd let my friend know I disapproved. Can't imagine being friends with someone like that though.

I don’t know any man that would grass on their mates. Absolutely none. I am one and I would not betray them ever.

If a friend of mine confessed to cheating, I would encourage her to end the older relationship. People don't cheat in good relationships, so she should let her partner go.

I'm undecided as to whether I would advocate for her to confess to the affair. Perhaps letting someone go is enough. They should test for STDs between partners anyway, so what would the knowledge of the affair do but crush them when already hurt and dealing with a breakup?

The premise of this is all wrong, not least because it assumes that men are only friends with men and women are only friends with women. And only other heterosexuals in all cases?

I've had this conversation before with friends (men and women) and most people tend to think it depends heavily on the individual situation.

Is the friend who's admitted to cheating a long-term bestie, more of an acquaintance, or somewhere in between?
Do your consider their partner a friend as well, or is he/she someone you barely know?
Is there any relevant context in terms of your friend going through an awful time generally, or the relationship being unhealthy generally? Obviously those aren't excuses (and I would tell my friend so) but that makes the difference between trying to gently encourage them not to make bad decisions, and giving them straight talk.

But really MN is just such a weird place in terms of how every possible argument seems to boil down to "men be like this and women be like that"

A colleague having an affair is none of my business so why would I tell am I the moral police?

Tgats the total opposite result as I would expect! It’s a tough one. I couldn’t be actively complicit in covering up an affair, so I guess I’d be an option one but irl that would translate to cutting out acquaintances/wider circle mates so as to not have to deal with that and if closer, strong arming them into coming clean. Like my best friends, I see their husbands all the time, I’m godmother to some of their kids, my husband and theirs are friends.. I just couldn’t do that to them.