Men v Women. An office debate

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Having a quick skive at work this afternoon when an innocent enough debate between a couple people suddenly snowballed into a full on heated "discussion", which appears to have gotten a few colleagues backs up. Thought I'd share the fun here lol..

So if your mate confided in you they were messing about behind their partner's back would you: sound out their other half, or keep schtum for your mate? Bunch of blokes hands shot up at the first option. Mostly all the girls went for option 2. Someone then tactfully commented how this proves women always cover for each other, cheat more often etc, the whole bloody office just erupted into chaos and it was absolutely brilliant!!

Over to Mumsnet..

I am a man who did cheat, beginning an EA that continued into a physical affair after I told my ex-wife. None of my friends of either sex knew before I told my ex wife. Most of them had nothing more to do with me after that, all the women and all but 4 men. I'd say all the men wound have been very uncomfortable had they known before my wife did. None of them have ever cheated that I know of.

I've never known someone well who I knew was cheating. I knew one guy who went to a strip club and had a lap dance with 'touching' and his wife did not know. I thought less of him after that but never told her - not my business was what I thought. It made me sad, I saw them as a really close couple and very moral.

If I knew one of my friends was cheating now then I'm not sure I'd tell their partner, it might depend on circumstances. Friend says marriage has been crumbling and they have realised they have feelings for someone else. I'd probably say stop that contact and work through the marriage issues, whether ending of repairing. I doubt I'd tell partner there. Using sex workers and asking me to cover for them. I might well tell the partner - and the friendship would have to end.

Sounds like a reverse from my experience.

And the obvious answer imo is option 3 'you tell your partner before I do'.

But I wouldn't clype on them for say, a bit of drunken nightclub snogging. Probably not even if they cheated once and seemed really regretful.

Only if I knew they were conducting an ongoing affair. That's not on, and their partner deserves to know. I have no loyalty to cruel people.

Same.

I think keeping quiet for a friend makes you a shit friend. Watching then make reckless decisions that destroy lives and being quite about it isn't a good move.

I've been actively involved in exposing an affair. On the other hand, Dp has witnessed a few of his friends engaging in affairs and has remained silent about it in their relationships but has personally condemned his friends' behaviour.

Interesting discussion. When one of my social circle had an affair it was his male friends who were most angry at him. His best friend nearly cut him off completely although they're ok now. This may have been because it was a complete clusterfuck situation where affair partner became pregnant a few months after proper long-term partner had given birth.

I think this is very person dependent actually. I've been round long enough to realise that not all people who have affairs are inherently bad. Which is not to excuse their behaviour. If it was my friend and they were unhappy in their current relationship I would use it more to try to encourage them to leave rather than be angry. Some people just need a nudge to do the right thing and a strong friendship can encompass that IMO. I wouldn't cover for them though. (Besides which, I'm shit at lying.) If they were the sort of person who could have an affair without feeling any guilt whatsoever and ask me to cover for them to continue it with no pangs, I highly doubt they'd be my friend.

Little debate going on here now lol glad others pitched in! Personally, I'd be having a very serious word with the unfaithful friend. Their infidelity would affect our friendship no matter how well I knew them. But informing their unsuspecting partner is to get fully involved in that couple's business. The old saying "don't shoot the messenger" cones to mind.