Literally just that. I know that you are sick and tired of me. But I honestly feel so out of mind. I'm starting to even look out of my mind. Heavy eyes, my jaw feels tight and heavy. Constant headaches and neck pain and nothing I ever try and do seems to put my mind at ease. I feel like a fraud, but the effects of a confession to my DH will do far more damage then when I'm feeling.
I haven't been to therapy because If I do, I have to consult him regarding that. I don't want to have to explain that I'm seeing a therapist and and and.. this week I have been feeling suicidal. The feeling fills me with so much fear. I'm not seeking for attention or anything by saying this but i am and I hate feeling this way. I would never go through with the thought, I adore my kids. They are everything to me and I would hate for them to grow up without a mom simply because my mind got to heavy for me.
I have formed some kind of sisterhood through Mumsnet and I know it's draining to have to read something that goes around one concept. I guess I just wanted to offload..