How did you get through it?

[DaBombDiggitty]

I found out on tuesday that my DP of 7 years has been seeing someone else for the past year. We have one DS age 4.

Dp works abroad and every 6 months would come home for 4 weeks. Very hard for all of us but we made it work or i thought we did - we would speak every day on the phone and online.

I found out by googling a name that suddenly appeared on group emails and found a picture of the 2 of them staring back at me. I called DP and was very calm and asked him if he was in love with me and if he had ever cheated on me - he said no he hadnt cheated on me and of course he loves me! So i told him what i had found.

He said he was sorry to hurt me and had never wanted me to find out - he had wanted to tell me but couldnt. He says he still loves me, but he also says it is my fault and i didnt show him enough love and affection and that i pushed him away.

Over the last year since he has been seeing her he has carried on as normal confessing his love to me and talking about more children and changing jobs.

I am so confused - saying he loves me but he is seeing someone else. It hurts so much that he wasnt honest with me and he lied when I asked him. I havent eaten since tuesday as i feel so sick and I am so depressed and crying but i am trying to be strong for my son. I cant sleep - i drop off to sleep then wake up bolt upright a couple of hours later to check my emails to see if he has emailed and to check my phone to make sure it has a signal.

At the moment I am willing to give it another go as we had a good relationship - I feel like I have lost my soulmate and my only chance at happiness and what if I dont find anyone else that is on my mind too. I cant bear the thought of him with soemone else maybe that is why I want to try again?

I am angry aswell. What does she have that I dont - I know you shouldnt judge a book by its cover but she is older than me and that bothers me I just keep thinking why her why someone who is older than me and looks over her age. Dont get me wrong I aint drop dead gorgeous but every time I close my eyes I see the picture of the 2 of them.

And to top it off I am suppose to be going away in July to see him with our son but I dont know if I can do it but I have to do it for our son so he can spend time with his father. sorry its been such a long rant

Thanks LW - I do feel as if my brain has been in a blender and have being feeling very down these last couple of days!

I havent got my hopes up well maybe a tiny, tiny bit but I will not let myself get too hopeful as I am aware it probably wont happen but I feel glad that he may be missing me - I want him to miss me but I think it is because I want him to feel bad too not because I want him back!

I point blank refuse to mention anything about the OW to him simply because even the thought of her makes me feel sick.

I agree all is fair in the name of family but I know she only knows about me as in being an ex and the mother of his child - she def doesnt know we where together!!!

Well, that information is a 'big gun', so to speak. If you used it it might make her think "so what? I don't care", or it might make her drop the lying turdcurdler like he deserves to be dropped (sorry, I know this is your dp I'm slagging here), or it may make him furiously angry with you for telling her. I can't help thinking it will do a lot of damage if you use this information, but can't necessarily see it benefiting you.

I wouldn't use that weapon unless all hope of reconciliation is gone. Then I undoubtedly would.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, and I so identify with not being able to forgive his behaviour. But keep an open mind if you can. It's as hard to split as to stay together, I truly believe that. Hope the ball comes back into your court. You dont deserve such pain and neither does your dc.

Well, that information is a 'big gun', so to speak. If you used it it might make her think "so what? I don't care", or it might make her drop the lying turdcurdler like he deserves to be dropped (sorry, I know this is your dp I'm slagging here), or it may make him furiously angry with you for telling her. I can't help thinking it will do a lot of damage if you use this information, but can't necessarily see it benefiting you.

I wouldn't use that weapon unless all hope of reconciliation is gone. Then I undoubtedly would.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, and I so identify with not being able to forgive his behaviour. But keep an open mind if you can. It's as hard to split as to stay together, I truly believe that. Hope the ball comes back into your court. You dont deserve such pain and neither does your dc.

Well, that information is a 'big gun', so to speak. If you used it it might make her think "so what? I don't care", or it might make her drop the lying turdcurdler like he deserves to be dropped (sorry, I know this is your dp I'm slagging here), or it may make him furiously angry with you for telling her. I can't help thinking it will do a lot of damage if you use this information, but can't necessarily see it benefiting you.

I wouldn't use that weapon unless all hope of reconciliation is gone. Then I undoubtedly would.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, and I so identify with not being able to forgive his behaviour. But keep an open mind if you can. It's as hard to split as to stay together, I truly believe that. Hope the ball comes back into your court. You dont deserve such pain and neither does your dc.