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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Strange behaviour of Male Co-Worker

63 replies

foreverhopeful2000 · 29/05/2024 19:51

My married male co-worker has this bad habit of flirting in front of me - whether it's on his phone, or eyeing up my female (married coworker - who talks about her husband but doesn't wear a wedding ring). He talks very loudly in my workspace on his mobile as if to flirt/make plans on his phone and get attention from me. I have no designs on him, but find his attention seeking behaviour is a pain in the butt when I am trying to work. Sometimes he is nice, but other times he's bloody weird. I came back from pneumonia after a month, and all he said was 'there's bugs in this building' and walked off. He says that he's coming to events I am hosting, then cancels without saying anything about it afterwards. Other times, he's staring at me which is uncomfortable. He's invited me to a couple of socials but I declined. I get on fine with my single male coworkers. The female coworker is pretty but wears revealing clothes to work, doesn't wear wedding ring, talks about her husband, but also talks a lot about how everyone thinks how hot she looks. These two sometimes come into work together and are constantly on their phones at the same time. I do not need to see a lot to see a pattern. Whilst I'm working for a living, I wish the man in particular would be self-aware of his eyeing up people (which has included me). Any advice?

OP posts:
foreverhopeful2000 · 01/06/2024 08:38

I'm not jealous about someone who lies about being in a happy marriage (when her behaviour says otherwise). BTW I have been in a loving marriage of 30 years. And he thinks they're a pair of twats as well!

OP posts:
Garlicker · 01/06/2024 08:38

If I spent 35 hours a week with someone who watches her co-workers' every interaction, plays detective over the timing of their breaks and text messages, judges the morality of the women's clothing and seethes over office chitchat ... I'd be really annoyed at her. I might even ham it up for a laugh (at her expense).

foreverhopeful2000 · 01/06/2024 08:39

Are you that woman in question, LOL

OP posts:
Garlicker · 01/06/2024 08:42

foreverhopeful2000 · 01/06/2024 08:39

Are you that woman in question, LOL

Can't be the same office. Mine has no Morality Police desk, temp or perm.

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 01/06/2024 08:46

I didn't always wear my wedding ring either🙄, it meant absolutely nothing other than I couldn't be bothered, had forgotten or my hand was sore/swollen. A lot of men don't wear wedding rings, my Dad has never worn his (he saw someone get their finger ripped off or something when he was in the army).

You sound very judgemental and jealous. I wonder if you want her job seeing as you are only a temp and she obviously isn't.

SneezedToothOut · 01/06/2024 08:49

AliceOlive · 30/05/2024 12:26

Everyone notices this type of thing, it’s silly to pretend they don’t. Even if you don’t think it’s anyone’s business. They notice it particularly if someone is carrying on at work. This is an anonymous forum where people post about things that are happening around them. You can stamp your feet about someone being thorough here about what they are seeing when relaying a situation, but it won’t make it any less true that you’d probably notice it also.

Also, why do you think the custom of wearing wedding bands exists, if not as a public message?

Married 20 years. Never worn an engagement or wedding ring as they are symbols of being a chattel (where women were literally owned by men and had no legal status of their own). My marriage is a legal contract that is none of anyone else’s business. We don’t wear rings or share a name. I don’t use Mrs.

If anyone has a problem with this, frankly, they can fuck off.

AgnesX · 01/06/2024 08:49

foreverhopeful2000 · 29/05/2024 20:07

This guy is deeply insecure and is trying to show off to get attention. What I find more offensive is that he never opens his department on time - strolls in nearly 2 hours late (our departments work closely together and our work is linked up). He was totally checking out my coworkers bum in front of me and she goes into his office to look for keys with a skirt the size of a belt and a leather jacket with sheer tights. It's a little bit 'in your face'.

Unless you're their manager it's nothing to do with you what he does, when he does it or the size of her skirt.

Unless it's impacting on you or your team ignore him and her clothing.

SneezedToothOut · 01/06/2024 08:51

foreverhopeful2000 · 01/06/2024 08:02

You don't have to be staring at people at work to pick up on things. When you have a desk facing them - or even a window, you can pick up on things within seconds. I object to the fact that he is meant to be helping our team (and he often comes in an hour and a half late into work every day). I am part of a management team doing the same job as the woman. However, she has more breaks on the rota. She turns up in a mini skirt, leather jacket, and a denim jumpsuit for an office job. She constantly needs validation from male coworkers and us females about how hot she looks and about how she gets constantly hit on (even though she's married!). We all like to feel attractive, but it's strange behaviour.

I work in the City and wear denim and leather to work.

OP, your attitude belongs in the 1950s. Get with the programme. Especially if you’re a manager. You should know better.

SneezedToothOut · 01/06/2024 08:53

And I’m currently eyeing up a denim jumpsuit, as it happens. 😂

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 01/06/2024 08:56

foreverhopeful2000 · 01/06/2024 08:02

You don't have to be staring at people at work to pick up on things. When you have a desk facing them - or even a window, you can pick up on things within seconds. I object to the fact that he is meant to be helping our team (and he often comes in an hour and a half late into work every day). I am part of a management team doing the same job as the woman. However, she has more breaks on the rota. She turns up in a mini skirt, leather jacket, and a denim jumpsuit for an office job. She constantly needs validation from male coworkers and us females about how hot she looks and about how she gets constantly hit on (even though she's married!). We all like to feel attractive, but it's strange behaviour.

You'd have a heart attack if you saw me, I go to my office job in leather mini skirts 😵.

I also wear a leather biker jacket with other mini skirts. Call the professional police now!

SneezedToothOut · 01/06/2024 08:58

xxSideshowAuntSallyxx · 01/06/2024 08:56

You'd have a heart attack if you saw me, I go to my office job in leather mini skirts 😵.

I also wear a leather biker jacket with other mini skirts. Call the professional police now!

I have bright purple hair and they still pay me six figures. Shocking what society has become.

Rec0veringAcademic · 01/06/2024 09:08

So you are uncomfortable seeing the inapppropriate behaviour displayed. Understandable.
The antidote is simple: stop focusing on it, let it go, and get on with your work. In other words: be a grown up.

BobbyBiscuits · 01/06/2024 13:02

If there is a genuine concern about his or her work standards slipping, or them not pulling their weight, then by all means make a complaint to their boss. But you'll need evidence.
If I were you I would not bother though. You can say you think they're having an affair but in reality you've absolutely no idea.
Your comments on the female colleague's appearance make you sound sexist, bitter and unnecessarily personal. Maybe the clothes you wear at work make her think you look hideous?!

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