My husband has another daughter

[Candidia]

Long story, so I apologise in advance.
I have been with my husband since I was 15, I'm now 44 and he is 53. Around 4 years in to our marriage (I turned 17 three days before our wedding). We we're in our local pub on New Years Eve, and a friends then girlfriend was showing our daughters photo side by side with her nieces photo telling everyone that my husband is her father. I was young and I lost it, I thought she was saying he had cheated on me. My husband at that time told me he isn't the father and that the woman in question had slept with a lot of men (some of his friends had also been with her around conception). Over the years he has always denied it, but last weekend the other daughter messaged him on facebook, he met up with her a couple of days after and it went really well. He is now telling me that he has always known he is her father, but didn't want to upset me and our daughter. My husband recently started dealing with his mental health, he admitted around 4 years ago that he was turning into his father. Which he was, my daughter had to live and grow up with what he now calls himself the "C" word. My daughter has severe mental health issues, Anorexia Nervosa, OCD, Autism...She is refusing to meet her suspected half sister until they do a paternity test. I 100% agree with her, but my husband is now after meeting her that she is 100% his daughter and doesn't want us to ask her to do a test. I'm so overwhelmed with the situation, its brought all of my insecurities to the surface. I was sexually abused just before I met met my husband and I've not told anyone else but him and my best friend. I know I need to deal with it. My question is how do I help my daughter through this and how do I stop feeling like he's cheated when he hasn't. I don't know what to do

Yes my daughter is in therapy, I start mine next week. I also have an appointment with the local housing association. I don't think I'm doing it for me but I've spoke to my daughter and she would like to leave with me also

You have to leave sweetheart. The reason you don't think you were groomed is because you were still a child and probably didn't even realise that's what it was but come on, if your daughter at 15 suddenly told you she's marrying a 24 year old you are not going to be ok with that, are you?

you sound so worn down.

phone woman’s aid they will help you seriously they will.

good your going to therapy as is your daughter, please keep that appointment with the council.

if you can don’t tell him anything be as normal as possible till you can escape if this is what you want.

if he escalates make sure you have essentials packed ready to go too.

thinking of you

I cant leave I'm too scared

No, you’re wrong. This is not your fault. You’ve been let down by your own parents. You were an abused child who was then groomed by an abusive adult, who married you whilst you were still a child in many people’s eyes and has continued to abuse you. I feel really angry on your behalf about what you have been through.

The other child is likely to be his and he probably has always known it. You haven’t done this to your daughter though.

You and your daughter are adults. Can you speak to Shelter about housing accommodation if you are able to leave your husband? They might also be able to signpost you to appropriate charities who help women who are leaving abusive relationships, otherwise your GP surgery might have some information if you call and speak to the receptionist.