She gave him photos to put up in house

[Oddoneoutx]

My partner moved into a new house and he has a female best friend he met on a dating site. They’ve been friends for 6 years. Since I’ve been with him 4 years, she’s shit stirred. Told him I’m mental, skint and loads of other lies. She told him to move me out.
she brought him fridge magnet photos of them both and I said i found this odd.
as soon as anyone walks in they will see the fridge and pictures of them.
i feel it’s a statement from her however am I being jealous or is it a bit odd.

He's the abuser and 'trauma bond' or not, you know that.

You'll also know (I'm sure) that you two aren't going to stay together forever.

So what plans do you have to move out, incase he throws you out?

He's gaslighting you into thinking you have MH issues, this is serious, the only person you can trust here is yourself, it doesn't feel right because it isn't. Get yourself away from him and into your own place or stay with someone/rent a room then it will all become clearer that this relationship is wrong.

Very likely.

Are you willing to do anything about this? Because it’s going to get much worse the longer you stay with him.

I’m also guessing his friend hasn’t said these things about you- he’s pretending she did.

I knows what to say to you as he knows its working. He CHOSES to abuse you OP, remember that and he also knows how to treat you and he knows your worth, but he is hoping you do not.

Pop over to youtube and type in Dr Ramini, she is amazing and you will find out who is abusing who very quickly and what to do about it going forward.

If he’s calling you ‘mental’, it’s time to leave.

You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, especially if your MH is actually fragile.

You need support, not name calling.

The issue you have is him, not her.

No I found out her mum worked with mine and knew who my mum was but my mum was oblivious to who she was as she never spoke about her. I can only imagine she couldn’t find anything out so twisted it.

OP, you need to leave him.

Can your mum put you up until you get sorted with somewhere?
Or look for a bedsit/house-share?

You need to leave. What a fucked up relationship.

It's entirely possible she has said none of these things and he is telling her that you've said awful things about her just to keep you apart so that he can carry on with the pair of you.

I think he's playing the pair of you.

@Oddoneoutx this is said kindly; you’ve been posting about this abusive person for at least a year.

You have support on here, but you need to do the hard part and leave. Further up thread you said you have savings. That’s great, so use them and move away, as far as you can.

You can in person help from your local citizens advice too. And you can call the Woman’s Aid helpline.

You need to do something for yourself now rather than post about him.

There are 3 people in this relationship.

He's living the dream.

You are living a nightmare. Time to wake up and move on.

The fridge magnets are the least of your concerns. This man is abusing you.

Triangulation is a common manipulative tactic used by abusers to make you feel outnumbered and in the wrong. As others have mentioned, I'm dubious this friend of his has said any of this stuff. My ex used to tell me that our friends were always telling him what a bitch I am. It was lies.

It's also a way to deflect from himself. And it's worked. You're here posting about his friend when from an outside perspective, it's very obviously him who's the problem.

I would encourage you to ring Women's Aid. Or perhaps you have a trusted friend or family member you could talk to?

If you are not happy with him then why are you with him?

It seems your life would be a lot more drama free if he wasn’t in it.

So they’ve known each other 6 years, you’ve know him 4 years, and he kept you a secret for 2 years? Says it all really. Cake and eat it.

Many years ago when my husband and I were newly married, one of his female friends tried to shit stir because she decided she didn't like me. Made up some stupid lies about me, was horrible about me to him one time (told him I was an ungrateful bitch and he could do better if I remember rightly).

My husband told her to get fucked and never spoke to her again. That's the correct response to someone repeatedly trying to sabotage your relationship. Your partner is enjoying this and in the process is making an absolute fool out of you.

Have some self respect, because you can be sure he has no respect for you at all.

Abusive men love to triangulate. It's a really effective means to control and gaslight. Find your nearest Freedom Programme run by women's aid. They won't force you to leave but may open your eyes to enable you to do so because you see how common this is.

All the understanding and insightful exes and female friends are a useful tool that he uses against you, pretending that the ill feeling comes from them - they may have been fed a line or even completely unaware of the thoughts and feeling he attributes to them.

He is the problem. Take away his power by sharing your experience with others who understand.

All of this. He is abusive. You are focusing on the most trivial things. please leave, there is help available to help you leave safely

This is all kinds of wrong and you know it. Use your savings to put a deposit on your own place. Don’t tell him you’re doing it as he will try everything to convince you to stay. Then when he’s at her place for “dinner” move all your belongings out and put the key through the letterbox. You won’t regret it.

So why doesn't he ask you to leave?

And for reasons I don't fully understand the use of other women as cheerleaders for the man and appearing to loathe the woman in the relationship is deeply humiliating and shaming.

Even when other women see this for what it is and regard you with pity or talk to you sympathetically and ask why you put up with this, it is deeply shaming, and caused me to double down. No one wants to be seen as stupid and gullible. But it's a scam. It's not wrong to think the best of people. But you need barriers to keep out the bastards. And you need to know who the bastards are. Freedom programme will help you identify common traits.

Op, he is most likely making up what his 'friend' says.

Think about it... have you any evidence that she said those things? Whereas, you KNOW it's what he thinks. He's told you in arguments that he thinks you have MH issues. He thinks badly of you.

If his friend thinks those things, it's because he's told her them. He certainly isn't defending you to her. If my 'friend' constantly insulted my OH, they would no longer be a friend. He's choosing to remain friendly with her, so even if she is saying those things, it shows you where his loyalty lies.

This is not a good man. He lies, insults, gaslights, enjoys the friendship of another woman who is jealous of you and insults you (if you are to believe him), accuses you of being abusive.

Surely you can see this is not a good man and this is not a good relationship. You deserve better.

Why are you with this abusive man? Seriously?

There you are then. That's the red flag. HE calls you mental. He is the one who is using all this against you and deliberately making you feel bad. You shouldn't have to prove you aren't mentally ill in order for him to accept that you're not. He knows it isn't true, he is using it as a stick to beat you with.

Forget about this other woman and her motives, she is a side issue. The main issue is that you are living with someone who hurts and upsets you, uses insults to belittle you, and turns it round and calls you the abuser. Those are not the actions of a kind and loving partner.

It is pointless continuing with this awful relationship. Leave.

Put them all in the bin and ask yourself why you feel this is what you deserve. She's a FB he met online, not a friend.

Why the 'sad' emoji?

You don't actually believe what he says, do you? Do you spend all your time desperately trying to be nice to him, to make him see that you're not an abuser?

He knows you're not abusing him. It is all one of his games to make you feel shit.