I can't handle men anymore

[hurtingnohope]

I've been dating for 20 years and had a few long term relationships. Been out on too many dates. And I can honestly say I have not met a single decent man in all this time. I have a few guy friends who are awesome - I've known them a long time and trust them fully. They have partners and are wonderful men. However, all the men I've been in relationships with and dated, have turned out to be absolutely horrendous. Liars, cheaters, using for sex etc. A couple have been extremely abusive. I am not a weak or passive person. I am intelligent and strong. Yet I keep meeting these type of men. I don't think it is anything in me that is attracting them. And they don't reveal themselves until at least 6, 9 or even 12 months into the relationship. I quickly get rid of them. But at my age, I am feeling so down about it all, and not sure I can bring myself to date anymore, because I am so jaded. I keep thinking: how long until they show their true colours? I dated a guy recently who ghosted me after a few months of dating. It's absolutely awful. Yet I want a loving and supportive partner. I just don't think it's possible anymore. Need a hand hold more than anything I think. Thanks x

Fuck no, I’m married and if anything happened to DH I would touch another man with a barge pole. I’m really worried about the world my DD is growing up in tbh, it’s fucking terrifying.

Do most women achieve orgasm through one night stands?

From what I've heard the men have no investment and so no interest in putting the woman's pleasure first during a one night stand.

In a porn performative way, so he can feel good about himself, maybe. But at the end of the day, he just wants to ge his rocks off so that is all that really matters.

Unless you are an outlier, it is not as easy for women to orgasm as men. So unless you get yourself off during (which kind of defeats the object) then you won't even get an orgasm out of it, while he is guaranteed at least one.

I've known friends that are now very angry in their late thirties, at being sold the 'empowerment' line as teenagers, and ended up being used by a string of shit men for shit sex.

You might be lucky and find the odd good one I guess,but I doubt that is the majority of ons by a long shot.

What an odd question 🙄 Yes, many women achieve orgasm and have a great time on a one night stand!

In the sixties when the feminist movement really took hold and women's rights came into play the rise in violence against women exploded.
Currently I think it's pretty bad too.

I have a story to add to this which is that I was involved with an old friend after his marriage broke down, and it was obvious we both had deep feelings. He said he couldn’t handle it/ the feeling of love, and he needed to go—- and is now on OLD with a silly but appealing profile saying he’s ’still figuring it out’

Sure, there are plenty of rubbish men out there - but I don't think a lot of women help themselves with the choices they make either.

I think a big problem with modern dating (which has been exacerbated by OLD) is the emphasis on physical attraction - or rather, that you need to be instantly attracted to someone within seconds of seeing/meeting them, otherwise it's not going to work. And sure, there has to be attraction in any relationship, but sometimes it seems like people put the physical side above anything else - like, whether someone is actually a good person or not, or if you're compatible in other ways.

And I disagree with this oft repeated mantra on here that "all the good ones are snapped up". If you're going in to dating with a negative outlook like that, is it really any surprise if you struggle to meet someone?

It's also important to remember that it can be just as bad on the other side, for similar and different reasons. It's well known that the average woman (I mean in terms of average user experience, not how someone looks btw) gets far more likes and matches on a dating app than the average man. I once saw a comment that said that OLD for women was like online shopping (lots of choice, sometimes too much), whereas for a man it was like a job interview (in terms of the effort involved and the amount of competition you were up against). I think that's a pretty fair comparison. It just doesn't work for many people - whether you're a woman or a man.

I know personally that a lot of males have given up on dating apps, because if you've not got model looks, the chances of matching with someone you like and it progressing are just so slim. Until there's a dating app out there that prioritises keeping a 50/50 split (or as near as possible) of users, you're probably better off avoiding them.

if i lived back in the 16th century i would of been hung for being a witch lol

In the 16th century, you would probably have become a nun.

Which was understandably a very attractive prospect with no contraception, no medical intervention in birth, no antibiotics, wife beating perfectly legal, no divorce etc. etc.

Actually becoming a nun was probably protection against being accused of being a witch and tortured and murdered as well.

I'm pro women doing whatever they want, but I did read a study somewhere in which women reported they were most likely to climax during sex with a steady partner, than during ONS's.

To me that makes sense because I think there is more variation in the mechanics for a woman to orgasm than a man.
(In contrast men tend to be a pretty simple movement).

OLD is rubbish

Partly it is because the goals are misaligned.

Rightly or wrongly most men believe most women want a long term relationship.

So in order to get a short term thrill they try to exhibit the characteristics of someone looking for LTR.

Even with the obvious suggestions above (look for character) it's difficult to identify the genuine from the fakers.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Only men seem to act this way, and they seem to get worse as they get older too. I do think there must be a lot of emotional damage behind it, which they just don't face up to and instead pass it on to everyone else instead and give us all their weird issues and fears.

@Oldseagull From what I've heard the men have no investment and so no interest in putting the woman's pleasure first during a one night stand.

I always find talk of "putting the woman's/man's pleasure first" being really strange, because sex is mutually enjoyable (or it's supposed to be). Acts that happen during sex are supposed to be pleasurable for both people at the same time. For example, giving oral to a woman is highly pleasurable for men, and also for women (from what I've been told- I can't verify this).

If you think of sex in terms of putting one person's pleasure first, then this seems like a distorted and unpleasant view of the act and I would wonder where this came from.

@Oldseagull Men that are unfaithful, push sexual boundaries, and generally detract from a woman's mental health and peace of mind? They seem shockingly common.

Men are unfaithful are absolutely not common. To be unfaithful means at least two people need to be attracted to that man as a prerequisite, which is not the case for the majority of men.

A lot of women put up with this behaviour, they might stay because of the dc, fear of being alone, or even fear that next time they will end up with a worse one.

I doubt this is true either. From what I've seen, women tend to leave men quite readily if they're not happy- the exception is when people are entangled because of DC.

Scrap looking for them OLD. Join social and hobby groups where it's about the activities, not a date, and get talking with no expectations to lots of people.
I bet when you've looked back at past relationships, there have been signs that were there before many months went by with hindsight. Trust your gut, when you find yourself pondering over someone's behaviour, count it as a red flag and move on. Apart from that, it's asking lots of questions and reading between the lines rather than accepting what is said as gospel.

I also despair for my DD. Misogyny and VAWG seems to be increasing exponentially both in the UK and especially globally.
I think we should be doing something to help show solidarity with women in India, Afghanistan, Iran etc - these are massive countries with a far reaching population through family and migration and their influence could soon spread globally.
Porn addicted, social skill lacking men the world over could easily get swept up in that mindset and spell the end of equality for women.
We need to unite and show strength and support women in India etc to bring and end to 'woman as property' cultures before those hideous ideas become (even more) mainstream in equal societies.