Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this friendship dead?

58 replies

Sadmum71 · 20/05/2024 11:36

I have a friend who I met when our kids were babies. We hit it off in a way I've never experienced, we seemed to have everything in common and spent loads of time together. As the kids grew older we've grown apart but always made time to see each other together, as couples and as families. She knows my kids better than anyone.

Recently though I just feel like she's lost interest. I've been through a hard time losing both my parents in recent years, struggling with menopause and my sister estranging herself from me. I may not be the bubbly bundle of fun I might have been... She attended both my parents funerals when no other friends came and I thought she was there for me but now I wonder if I got the wrong impression.

She has distanced herself. Is nice as pie but tells me she is busy with work and exams and tells me she can't see me until given dates. Then I see her all over SM at gigs and parties. I can take a hint, but I feel so hurt. Do I just sidle off or do I confront her? I have plenty of other friends, a supportive husband and lovely kids, but I really miss her... With my sister making out I'm the worst person alive I'm really concerned that there is something wrong with me.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 24/05/2024 09:52

Churchview · 24/05/2024 09:08

She is now a bitter, narcissistic, childless woman who left me to care for our parents in their old age saying that she needed boundaries due to her childhood traumas..

Ouch, especially about the 'childless'.

I too thought that was a very unkind thing to say about anyone, even if it's a sibling you don't get on with.

Bananabreadandstrawberries · 24/05/2024 09:59

Sadmum71 · 20/05/2024 12:12

Thanks, I don't really do confrontation, but then I wouldn't treat anyone like she's treating me. Tell your friend you're super busy studying and can't do anything socially for another 6 weeks, not even a coffee, and then post all your outings with other people on SM. It's a bit shit really, she must know I see it. I worry I've been too miserable and needy. That's not me generally but life has been difficult recently.

Maybe she just wants to see some other people? Or find it a bit too intense seeing you so much?

Mary46 · 24/05/2024 11:04

Op if people treat me crap now thats it. Move on. Nobody is super busy either. Social media can be crap too. I feel if friends want make time they will. I dont need crap at 51. Im happier now lol

Ohnobackagain · 24/05/2024 13:25

@Sadmum71 you could say something like “I know you said you were busy, had to study etc but I can’t help noticing your SM posts showing you still meeting other friends etc. I am wondering if I have maybe relied on you too much as a listening ear and you’ve wanted a break as a result. I’m really sorry if this is the case - I miss our get-togethers so I hope it is just that you have a lot going on - but if there is more to it I hope you would feel able to tell me. Hope to see you soon”

MsLuxLisbon · 24/05/2024 15:14

Katiesaidthat · 24/05/2024 09:51

I take it to mean, she always wanted kids but it didn´t happen for whatever reason. I was childless for many years, never child free.

It could mean that, yes. However, some people can't get their heads around the fact that some women don't want children and assume that a woman without children must be jealous of one with.

Wooloohooloo · 24/05/2024 16:55

Do you want to meet up with her to have some fun or to offload? She probably has compassion fatigue and there's nothing wrong with her having other friends or wanting to see friends for fun. Suggest something fun where the focus isn't you- a gig, festival, spa day etc. A coffee suggests you can go spend more time offloading on her.

Goldiefinch · 24/05/2024 21:36

This lady sounds like she was a good friend for a long time. Friendships go through patches - I’d speak to her and explain you’d like to get back to what you once were (if you want that). If you don’t try I think you might regret it- long time friends are hard to come by. If she no longer wants to be friends at least you will know why and not wonder ‘what if?’

RadFs · 19/07/2024 09:56

Sadmum71 · 21/05/2024 10:53

Now, I've had my 'realisation' I have been thinking about writing her a note @SunflowerTed - you reckon that's OK? Keeping it light, acknowledging I've been miserable and leaned on her too much and proposing a pub lunch or something when her exam is over.

Hi @Sadmum71 have you and your friend met up now? I hope things have worked out for you

New posts on this thread. Refresh page