My husband treats me like a child

[Sunshine982o27]

I have been with my husband for 20 years, we have two preteens kids.
Prior to covid he worked and I was the stay at home parent. This worked well.
He had a very senior role at work and I always felt on occasion that he spoke down to me, felt he was superior to me, more knowledgeable than me . He is in some respects.
Since covid we have swapped round and I go to work full time and he is the stay at home parent. I don't know whether it's because he doesn't have a job anymore (he loves being at home) but he treats our house and everyone in it like a job and employees. Our house is always clean and tidy and our kids are tidy and well behaved other than the normal leaving a wrapper somewhere or putting clothes by the wash basket rather than in it. But he goes mad when this happens. He is focusing on minute things and making a massive deal out of it to the point where he gets really stressed out about it.
He wasn't like this with the house before.

On a daily basis he will walk me around the house and show me what I've done wrong etc in a really patronising way . Examples: I've stacked the mugs rather than put them all separately. I have stacked the plates in any order rather than size order. I didn't put the tea towel back on the hook. I gave the dog 3 biscuits extra in his breakfast.

It is so ridiculous. When he does this it makes me feel like I'm a child and I almost revert to a stroppy teenager. It gets my heckles up immediately and I usually reply with "sorry dad" in a sarcastic tone, then he will be in a mood for about an hour!!
I'm finding it so ridiculous and pathetic I'm dreading coming home !

The worst one by far is food. We all eat well but I feel like he is rationing our food. We have a food budget and it's so expensive at the moment we don't want to buy excessive amounts but he is taking it too far. The kids packed lunches he will buy 5 things for x 2 for the Mon to Fri. But no extras. So if one of the kids goes and eats a bag of crisps that means that there isn't enough for the packed lunches. He goes ballistic when this happens. We all have to ask him if it's OK for us to eat a particular item to make sure there's enough.
I don't know how to handle this as I think he's developing a problem, maybe ocd or maybe just because his life has become so small he's hyperfocusing. It's affecting us all in the house causing an unsettled atmosphere, kids thinking he's too strict and me just not wanting to be around him

Could he find a work from home job? 40 seems young to never work again due to a nervous breakdown.

He is controlling and abusive and your children are being impacted by this.
Contact Women's aid and think about do you really want to remain married to him.
He sounds awful and family life for your children sounds utterly miserable.

Living with this type of behaviour is damaging for a child and causes long term issues even as an adult;take it from someone who's been there as a child.

You don't have to stay with someone just because they have mental health issues especially when those issues become abusive.

“On a daily basis he will walk me around the house and show me what I've done wrong etc in a really patronising way .”

Oh my god.
OP, you would be well within your rights to tell him any more of this behaviour and he will be living ALONE and divorced.
Whatever his problem is, that level of controlling behaviour is not on. He must making you all bloody miserable.

Totally. 100%.

Is he seeing a counsellor?

He can't live like that for the next 40 -odd years!

That first part is rude AF. Me and my partner have separate incomes and we do not have a joint account. His money is his money, and mine is mine. We share the responsibility to who pays for bills and shopping. But we do not share a bank account. OP is simply saying that he uses her income to buy food and therefore she’s fine with purchasing more of whatever item. She wasn’t once complaining about him using her money. There’s absolutely no need for the foul language and attitude. Your other replies seem decent. Stick to that.

It sounds absolutely insufferable. I wonder a bit if part of what he is missing from work is positive feedback if he thinks in that sort of way. Eg “well you certainly have shown focus and competence on the plate stacking DH, well done. Now for your targets for the next 3 months, can we talk about communication?”