10 year relationship over

[Rattlerattleshakeshake]

Hi all
guess I’m just a bit sad and wanted to post…

my 10 year relationship has just come to an end, a very emotional end. We have both spent the day crying to each other. We have a DS together who is 7 months.
im not really for things to end, i want to try and salvage things but DP just says from his end he just doesn’t want to try as he doesn’t think things will work.

its so sad because it’s not like we’ve spent the last 7 months fighting like cats and dogs. We’ve bickered here and then and things have taken their toll on us, but we’ve just lost ourselves a little bit and haven’t made time for each other despite my many efforts.
I have been what feels like solo parenting as DP has never really wanted to be home and when we were walking on eggshells with each other splitting up felt right and great, but with how upset we’ve both been today it just feels wrong.

he has already contacted an estate agent so I know that this is the real deal. I just can’t get over it and I just can’t stop crying honestly. How do you get over someone you still love, someone you’ve shared your entire 20s with and someone who has made you laugh uncontrollably for all those years? How do you accept the fact that one day he will do all of this with someone else?

I just can’t help but think that if I hadn’t of caused arguments over silly things, like not picking his pants up every morning, and never helping me with DD, then maybe I wouldn’t have pushed him so far to breaking point.

what a sh*t show.

Agree

Op make sure you get proper child maintenance , check how much you should be entitled to and if he gets funny just make a claim
Also he sees her on your terms not his
Find your anger , he's a piece of shit

@Rattlerattleshakeshake I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I've no children, but I've had 2 man children in my life who were lifted and laid by their Mother. He's despicable, he doesn't deserve you or the LO. Once you get him to f**k out of your life you will be free. You will look back on this as such a lucky escape. Tight hugs from this end to you.

Hi again, your husband will find ‘the grass isn’t greener’. And with a replay of current behaviour it certainly won’t be. To mother a man-child I suspect would be life-long. It is usually easier to blame dissatisfaction on the other person (you), rather than looking inwards, taking some responsibility and saying, ‘hey what can I do to breathe new life and love into our marriage’. Sadly you can’t make yr husband do that, nor is it your job to do that, especially if he’s the one expecting to be looked after. I am sorry you are going through this.

Are you OK OP?

I know you said it’s useful to speak to people on here so they don’t take sides, but do reach out to people in real life too! I appreciate that facing up to and voicing everything will be daunting, but your friends and family will want to help.

Thank you. I am doing ok, coming to terms with my new future and life. I have had great support from my family and friends so I’m keeping positive. I’m sure that as time goes on I will realise that this has all worked out for the best…

Best of luck. You Will find a real man in the future not this pathetic man child. Your parents sound amazing so see this as an opportunity to start afresh and have a happy life with your baby x

Glad to hear it. I hope things improve for you after where surely going be a really tough transition 💐

Sounds like having the baby was the start of your relationship troubles. It's so so common to have really rough times when adjusting to parenthood. You're still in the thick of it and I'm sorry you're going through it.

Was your partner useless round the house before the child?

OP it hurts like hell at the time but try to remember no one can take those years of happiness you had together away from you. It's hard when you have a young baby but I guess he isn't a good parent or possibly not ready to be a parent. Staying away meant he could avoid parenting. I'd be angry with him for checking out and leaving you to do all the parenting. Also there might be someone else he has met and not telling you. Do whatever you have to do to protect you and your baby. Don't take his feelings into account anymore. That will be hard but he is putting you in this position.

Sending you love and a big hug. I am so glad your family and friends are supporting you and that this manbaby will be gone from your life. Sounds like he wanted a mother and a slave rather than a partner - you should not have to pick up for a man and he has shown no inclination to change his selfish behaviour - texting when he feels like seeing the baby is a big fat no from me - who does he think he is- being a father is not an occasional opt in. What a deadbeat- I agree with the advice above - CM asap plus make sure you have what you need from the break up financially

Thanks for all the new comments. Totally agree, CM and custody with a set plan has been discussed and arranged.

I feel more angry towards him now for messing with my future, emotions, and ultimately being completely and utterly selfish. But I have to accept it and move on. I have lost so much time and money and it’s so disappointing. Selling a home that I love and that my child loves, is just sad. But it is what it is.

looking back I suppose he did slip into expecting me to do everything for him and I suppose I just accepted that as my new normal which isn’t right. But now, I have realised he wasn’t man enough for me and it probably would have ended at some point. I don’t need to be asking my partner 10 times to cut the grass, he should just be able to do it. So with that in mind I will be focusing on my future and when the time is right at least I know what I’ll be looking for.

My husband has been useless since my daughter was born. He had a really loving, family oriented father. A twat is a twat.