Partner excluding me all the time

[12243bell]

I have a child to DP and yesterday we were invited to his friend's child's party. For some reason the lead up to anything like this he starts to be funny with me. Making me not want to go. Anyway I got ready, got the kids ready for him to say to me before we went out the door where was I going. So I said nowhere because I thought what a twat. Even though I was dressed and ready to go with them. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction of me saying I am going with them for him to say I am not. Anyone else's partner do this. I literally don't give a crap no more as it's all the time. It does hurt but I think what a childish thing to do.

Wow that’s pretty fucked up. Do you think he doesn’t like to be seen as a family unit or something? I’m really confused as to why someone would do this

Why aren’t you invited if he’s taking the DC to s child’s party? This is weird. What is his explanation?

Is he playing 'hot single Dad' to other Mums?

He told you that you couldn't go to a party with him? That is a very screwed up relationship. I would have told him to stick his "no" where the sun don't shine and go anyway. He's a twat.

Does he not like going out with you at all or is it he doesn't like you going with him to things involving his friends or other children and their parents?
It does sound as though he is wanting to appear single.

My ex, and father of my children used to do this. He would create arguments and problems to prevent me going out anywhere. He'd invite me out with him in hopes I'd say no - on the occasions I'd say yes, he would immediately try and convince me of how unejoyable I'd find it to try and make me stay home. This was in the first couple of years. It resulted in me being trapped in a very controlling and abusive relationship for over a decade - it wasn't until I gathered enough courage to tell him I wanted to separate that it escalated to physical violence. He beat me several times and stalked and harassed me for months, would let himself into the house and make threats to kill me, kidnap the children etc. It didn't end until I involved the police, was given a personal alarm to alert the police if he showed up. He was charged with 2 counts of assault by beating, stalking and harassment. Got a 16 month suspended sentence and a 2 year restraining order.

Cut him loose. These men almost always follow the exact same pattern, the more shitty behaviour you let slide, the worse they get. Don't let it happen to you and your child. My 3 sons have all suffered with their mental health because of the things they witnessed and I will alway feel like I failed them by staying for so long. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child.

Why are you with someone who clearly doesn't like you?

Make plans to separate. It won't get better, just worse.

If you think it might happen again - always make your own plans to do something so that if he nastily says "where are you going" again, instead of feeling humiliated, you can confidently say "i'm joining some friends for the day".

I just wanted to add, I do feel really sad reading your post. He likely really enjoyed the defeated look on your face when you'd got dressed up and he asked where you were going.

Your lifetime partner is supposed to love you and have your back. Not be nasty to you.

I’m not sure I understand this. Had you agreed you would both take the child to the party? Usually one parent tends to drop and run. Or was it not just a child’s party, but an invitation to the whole family so you were expecting to go?

How exactly was the invitation worded? Was your name on the invite? or were you there when you were invited? Because if you were invited, you should have gone. So when he said "where are you going" you should have said "i'm going to the party I was invited to".

Weren['t you kids upset you didn't go?

Very nasty to do this

Seriously, you need to split up with this one. He sounds horrible.

I would start to separate as he's belittling you.
Not nice guy

Given the OP says "we were invited" I'm going to go wild on this assume they were all invited...

He's trying to make you feel stupid and it's very very nasty and cruel what's he doing.

What would you say too your daughter if in years to come, she was in a relationship like this?

You deserve better than this, OP. And you're letting your children see you getting abused.

Some people go out of their way to upset their partner immediately before they go out. It is to deliberately spoil the event, and if you are there as a couple, they can play the happy-go-lucky life and soul of the party while you look miserable and/or a crazy bitch.

Sounds like a very unhappy relationship

There must be a huge back story, @12243bell . Can you tell us what's actually going on, and what are your plans to address what must be many problems and issues?

I'd think he was hiding something or someone.

A normal partner wouldn’t come close to doing this. He is a seriously horrible person who you should not be with.

He planned to attend the children's party without you??

So he took your child and you were left on your own at home? Even though you were supposed to be going? Very nasty and weird if so and he is trying to humiliate you.

What would he have done if you had gone?

I felt really sad reading this. You deserve better than this treatment, hope you're OK.

I'm a bit confused by the way it's worded, but I take it you were going to the party with him and he had a dig saying 'where are you going?' meaning - 'you're not coming out with me'?

If so, why on earth did you say, 'Nowhere'? I'd have said, 'I am coming to Xs party as invited' and looked at him as though he were insane.

If he'd THEN said, 'No you're not, I don't want you to,' then I'd have responded with, 'Excellent. That's perfect. In that case, have a LOVELY afternoon with lots of small children. I am going out into town to enjoy myself and will probably meet up with friends of mine. I'm not sure what time I'll be back'.

And then I'd have made plans to dump this fuckwit.