Would you keep secret from husband if asked?

[Picklesjar20]

If your DM offloaded and blurted out secrets in regards to serious illness in family, legal issues, finances, domestic abuse. Loads of serious problems in regards to immediate family members. Which essentially impact everyone and us. Then told you to not tell a soul not even husband.

Are you meant to do that? It will come out eventually..you cant hide death a possible lawsuit and bankruptcy ect.

But my husband is getting mad at my family thinking they are rude..but given the actual reasoning..they aren't.

I don't like keeping secrets and my DH and I are honest about everything. But its not my secret and im not sure what the moral thing to do is? Do i keep secret or confide in DH?

Obviously as its a secret i wasn't meant to be told either :/

No. Not the sort of thing you’re talking about. Your mum has no right to burden you like that and forbid you from seeking support to deal with it. There are things I wouldn’t tell him if asked, but not all of this stuff you’ve got going on.

No, this is stuff that actually affects him and his family relationships.

I would definitely tell him.

Very much depends on what is being asked. In your case, no, as this has a material impact on the family dynamic involving your husband. However, if for example a friend was telling me about a potentially embarrassing intimate issue or health problem I'd be happy to keep my confidences as that is not my partner's business.

This. I have no issue in general with keeping confidences, but this sounds like it involves both of you, as well as current family relationships.

No, I’d tell my partner. It impacts your relationship so it’s unfair of your DM to expect you not to tell him.

I don’t keep secrets from my partner. I know that if I tell him something it never goes further anyway.

Not the stuff you're talking about no. It's not fair of your mother to burden you with it and prevent you talking to your husband about it.

If a friend told me something personal and asked me not to say anything, that would be different.

Generally speaking, if asked not to tell anyone I wouldn't, however it very much depends on what the issues are who the secrets impact.

If it’s going to come out anyway then leave it. If you tell someone she may never trust you with anything else again

Thank you everyone, i have told him. As thinking about the illness disclosed to me today, leaving our children in his care could be dangerous (hes basically driving blind, won't inform DVLA thats just one part of the illness) . I felt i couldn't let my DH make a decision when im not there to intervene without knowledge or knowing the impact it could have.

We are working out how to protect ourselves without offending any family members or letting on we know.

Sorry all this is going on. That sounds the right decision to tell you H so that you and he can agree on things as affecting yourselves and your DC.

You also have a moral responsibility to inform the DVLA as the person driving if unfit to do so could injure others, or worse

In this situation, I would have told too.

My personal ruling on this is there is a huge difference between keeping someone's confidence and keeping a secret from my partner.

A secret that had no impact on my partner and which would be, essentially, gossip - no, I'd never tell.

Something that could potentially affect them too - yes, I would.

No, I wouldn’t.
How is this non disclosure making them come across as rude to your husband, though? That sounds unnecessary.

You’ve definitely done the right thing.

Has someone reported him? That’s frightening.

Telling your DH is the least of your worries! Imagine how you'll feel if they kill someone driving with the reportable issues they have?

It depends on what it actually is. If it was going to affect others then I would but I'd also explain to him that the family have their reasons and it's private.
I'd also tell my dm that dh should know this and hopefully bring her round.

Your DM gave you information you could do nothing with.

just forget it all, it's not your circus, not your monkeys, keep well away from "family stuff" that isn't anything you've caused and certainly nothing you can control or influence. You have your own life to get on with.

Glad you've told him. We don't keep secrets (at least I don't think we do). I think they gradually form a wedge between you.

Yes this is what i am thinking too now, more concerns are surfacing as i digest it. Need to look up DVLA and see how they deal with reports, whether they will follow up with a medical from a report and actually do something.

I don't want to butt my nose in, but its a pretty serious illness to ignore and rather then it being a what if he has an accident, its a when..as there have been a few increasing scratches and marks, misjudgeing space ect. I just had no idea and believed all the excuses blame game without thinking about it as his personality has changed dramatically very recently, so I was confused what was going on.

Read the thread.

So it's your father who has diabetes/cataracts/dementia refusing to stop driving and is also physically and financially abusive towards your mother - and she's been trying to put your DH off from you all/the kids coming round without admitting the abuse/danger - and he was copping a strop over the kids not being looked after/invited to things/etc?

If you look at the timing of my post and the OPs second update it was minutes apart.

So I did read the OP of the OP but not the additional information which gave a far clearer picture of the impacts on them and their family. The first post just sounded like a morass of complexity caused by autonomous adult/s, which in my experience can become a bear on family members' back who are in no way responsible for those others' actions.

Hence why I said the DM gave the OP information they could do nothing with. Clearly not true especially as the OPs children might have been impacted. In that case of course the OP should tell her DH, and in no way worry about causing offence, that's a pointless worry in this situation.

Sounds like a really stressful situation for you op and I think you've done the right thing. It also sounds like your dm right in the thick of things isn't thinking clearly. This is one of those situations where you have to be the adult I think. If you feel someone is a danger on the roads or your children could be at risk you do what is needed to protect them and other people. I don't keep secrets from my dh but my dm told me something private about her own life that I have not shared because it doesn't impact any of us and its not anyone else's business.

No.

I think you've done the right thing telling DH. I can't work out the thread though is it your DM talking about your DF ? How does it impact your DH's driving ?

I've got a feeling you may be able to get your GP involved. Failing that, lose or bend the key to play for time.