Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH never takes photos!

53 replies

MotherOfOlafs · 16/05/2024 09:41

Not a particularly serious post, just wondering if other DH/DP’s are similar?
DH never takes photos if we are out for the day/away on holiday. He’s never taken a photo of us together unless I’ve asked him (his phone camera is much better than mine). Doesn’t take photos of scenery, or tourist attractions. Will occasionally take a photo of a dinner in a restaurant or the cat but that’s it! Is this weird or normal?

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 16/05/2024 10:44

Mine rarely takes photos and when he does I always end up looking like a potato in them.

There are so many nice pictures of him and ds and any nice picture I have with ds is taken by someone else or is a selfie.

DahliaSmith · 16/05/2024 10:44

OrlandointheWilderness · 16/05/2024 10:36

I don't think it IS an I can't be bothered thing. No one loves his family more than my DP, he's the best man I've ever met. He just doesn't think of it or think it is important. To him, being with is in important, having photos isn't. My DF is the same. I don't think I've EVER seen him take a pic, and yet he is the best Dad in the world, bar none.

OP is telling him that it important to her that once he has taken the photograph of the tractor, or his dinner, he turn the camera on her and the kids and take a snap, because it makes her feel seen.

Out of interest, why is he taking the photo of the tractor? What feelings is he having that he reaches for the camera and takes a photo?

I think that the lack of inspiration to take at least the same number of photos of the woman who bore your children holding them and smiling at you, as you do of farm machinery is a bit disappointing, and maybe that's what OP is talking about.

Of course your DF is the best dad in the world bar none, but if you ask your mum if she's a bit peeved that there are zero photographs of her with her kids, and loads of your dad if she was telling the truth she might say yes.

WhotheHellisEdgar · 16/05/2024 10:46

DahliaSmith · 16/05/2024 09:57

Not a man thing. It's an I'm not really aware of my wife thing. Which some men suffer with.

Bullshit!
I never take photos on my phone, I'm perfectly aware of my husband and children.

taxguru · 16/05/2024 10:53

My OH used to take photos of everything, days out, birthdays, christmas, holidays, etc. Way over the top. He once came back from a 2 week holiday with 13 rolls of film, each being 36 pictures (in the days before digital cameras of course) - I brought back 2 rolls and thought that was a lot! Then things got worse when he bought a camcorder and he'd have one eye glued to it during train rides, walking around attractions, videoing shows etc. When DS came along, he basically photographed and video'd absolutely everything! We've got boxed and boxes of photos, tapes etc that no one ever looks at!

Then I think he realised what he was missing by not being "present". There were a couple of times when he was absorbed/obsessed videoing and taking photos, getting himself stressed trying to switch between the camcorder and camera and ending up missing things. Me and DS would talk afterwards about things we'd seen during a show or a tour and OH would have completely missed it because he was videoing or taking a photo of something else - you don't have the same "breadth" of vision if you're concentrating on an eyepiece than looking at the wider picture through your eyes etc. I suggested to him that he go cold turkey and put the camcorder/camera away and just watch things and enjoy the atmosphere/ambience. He took it on board, probably too much the other way and basically stopped taking photos/videos and we started to rely on me taking shots!

Then smart phones came along and I thought he'd embrace the new tech, but he just hasn't, not remotely interested anymore. So it's down to me now, and I'm not that bothered. I'll take a quick shot of something special, like a sunset or a flower, but other than that, nothing. DS has grown up and moved away, so we don't take family photos anymore at all.

The only thing DH takes photos of now are car and DIY projects, where he'll take photos of fixings, or a particular piece of equipment during taking it apart, so he has a visual record of how things fitted together to help him put things back. He's quite a photo library of bits of car engines, insides of fuse boxes/electric showers, coal pattern on our coal effect gas fire, insides of junction boxes, pipework in the boiler cupboard, etc., and loads of photos of when our lunatic neighbour wrote off our car parked outside, showing damage to both cars, location of cars, etc which was vital as the lunatic tried to claim it wasn't her - he was straight out with the camera before she had chance to move her car so his photos showed the damage to each car exactly matching at the impact points - she still tried to claim it wasn't her!

So I think OH is more about photography for practical purposes now rather than memories etc.!

DahliaSmith · 16/05/2024 10:58

WhotheHellisEdgar · 16/05/2024 10:46

Bullshit!
I never take photos on my phone, I'm perfectly aware of my husband and children.

If your husband had repeatedly asked you if you could take some photos of him and the children because he feels a bit disappointed there aren't any and it would mean a lot to him, (which is the situation OP is talking about) then I don't feel its Bullshit! that you wouldn't be aware of his feelings, but you keep on keeping on.

Wolfpa · 16/05/2024 11:01

I never take photos, I also don’t sit there looking through photos. I would rather experience things live than through a lens.

it drives my barmy when I am stuck with/ near someone who is constantly taking photos and videos missing out on life.

SherrieElmer · 16/05/2024 11:09

I am the same. There is nothing strange at all.
In fact, the opposite is what bothers me: the constant need from many people of having to take pictures all the time.

Bbq1 · 16/05/2024 11:14

My df is the opposite. He always takes photos of of us, ds, tourist attractions and so on. We are a photo taking family but dh prob takes slightly more photos than me.

taxguru · 16/05/2024 11:32

Neither me nor OH like photos of us at all, so we've never been that bothered. We usually take photos of sights/nature, or, of course, our DS when he was young. Neither of us have ever taken a selfie!

MightyGoldBear · 16/05/2024 12:23

If your partner asks you to do something which really involved very little time energy and effort. That would make them feel appreciated considered a part of the family. And then you're choosing not to do it. Because you "forget" yet can be bothered to do it for farm machinery.

There is some serious lack of respect, consideration and love going on. Ask yourself if he would do a minor task at work or for a friend if asked.

It's pure disrespect. It's a choice. Its a conscious that's not important to me choice. There is no excuse for it.

itiswhatitisisntit · 16/05/2024 12:39

opposite way round for me and my DP - he takes all the photos! Its not that I dont love the photos its just more that I live in the moment and genuinely forget to capture that moment in time because I am living it.

If we are on hols or out somewhere I might take a couple to his 20-30 photos. If we went on a boat tour he might film bits a peices of it then edit. I would just be sitting on the boat enjoying the tour. He loves taking photos and editing etc and I love enjoying the moment for what it is. Everyone is different. :)

Choochoo21 · 16/05/2024 12:57

I do this too and I’m female!!

I do sometimes take photos of my dog or cat but that’s about it.

I prefer to enjoy the moment and have to try and make an effort to take some photos for memories but I hardly ever do.

It really annoys me when people are constantly taking photos of everything.

Its fine to take a couple but then put your phone down and just enjoy it.
Half of the photos won’t be looked at again (especially ones of fireworks or trips to the zoo).

SlothsNeverGetIll · 16/05/2024 13:10

DH takes photos, but the ones he takes of me are vile! It was recently my 40th and I hoped upon hoped that I'd have just one half decent photo of myself to look back on. But no.
He takes SO long to set up the shot, my smile (which is awkward anyway - think Victoria Beckham) becomes so forced and my body positioning becomes so uncomfortable, I look utterly wooden by the time he's done. He's never taken a single 'in the moment' photo of me.

MotherOfOlafs · 16/05/2024 14:49

To be fair I don’t take a huge amount per say, we were in Madrid recently and I took maybe 10-12 photos over a long weekend, while he took one of his steak (honestly though it was a great bit of steak 🤣) so I’m far from snap-happy myself! Just wanted to know if anyone else was in the same boat really.
Also where has this ‘photos of tractors’ come from? How weird 🤣

OP posts:
TwigTheWonderKid · 16/05/2024 14:57

My DH has to be asked to take photos, he occasionally takes a photo of something 'interesting' but it would never occur to him to take a photo of me or or DSs. I lost both my parents when I was a teenager and photos are really precious. I now have a terminal cancer diagnosis and whilst it's always been frustrating to have to remind DH to take photos of my with our DC, I'm glad I did.

Deathbyfluffy · 16/05/2024 15:00

It's a people thing rather than a man thing - I'm a man and take lots of pictures, but my ex-partner didn't really bother.
My wife on the other hand is always snapping away!

We spend about a week going through both of our pictures when home from a holiday 😅

OrlandointheWilderness · 16/05/2024 15:34

Ah @DahliaSmith - it's relevant to his work! 😂Yes I understand it is important to the OP, my comment was on my situation and opinion which is what this site is about after all!
Ah no, my Mum doesn't care. She barely took any herself!

Oblomov24 · 16/05/2024 15:37

I think we all take too many photos these days. When I was growing up a few per year, a Christmas one, one of the summer holidays. One where we all dressed up on our best for Mothering Sunday, why do we need more than a few each year?

Muffin101 · 16/05/2024 15:39

My husband is the same. His camera roll is probably 80% the tractors and machinery for the business page on social media, and the rest our son and me. Occasionally he’ll WhatsApp me photos he’s taken without me realising and they’re super special to me, because that moment meant so much for him to have taken a photo. Even tho I do sometimes look like a potato. It has absolutely no reflection on how he feels about me and our family, he adores us and he’s a devoted husband and father, he just doesn’t take photos.
On the flip side, I take probably too many photos 😂

OrlandointheWilderness · 16/05/2024 15:40

This is a really interesting thread! I'm actually sitting and thinking about WHAT I take photos off. Overall, by a massive, huge amount is the dogs! Then kids, nice scenery, cat, endless screenshots. A handful of DP (he hates having his pic taken - possible why he doesn't like to take them!). But overwhelmingly the dogs....

Wonder what that says about me?!

Madamlulu · 16/05/2024 17:15

I don't either and I'm a female. I just don't think to and at certain times when loads of people are (school concerts etc) I just prefer to enjoy the moment.

Kangarude · 16/05/2024 17:23

My DH has only 2 photos on his phone, and I took both of them of our DGC. He has 1 as his screensaver.
Neither of us are big on taking photos and he hates having his picture taken.
It’s not something I worry about

elp30 · 16/05/2024 17:33

My husband is a professional photographer. He has taken only two photos of me in the past decade and I have to insist on photos of us together.

GentlemanJohnny · 17/05/2024 21:43

I never take photos. Not even sure I know how to on my latest phone.

GreyCarpet · 18/05/2024 09:37

My partner has very few photos of me because I hate having my photo taken. We've been together for 3 years. There's nothing from the last 2 years. In fact, February 2022 was the last time he took a photo of me. There are only about 3 photos of us together too. All of which were taken by him.

He would take photos all the time and takes photos of his kids if we're out for the day, takes photos of bands, friends, scenery etc. I rarely if ever take photos.

It's not a 'man thing'