(Trigger warning) mentions rape

[WaryPearlWriter]

Bit of background...so seeing nice guy for 10 months. Too soon I know but he was essentially living in my house. It was actually a bit of a running joke with him with the mumsnet term of cocklodger.

Anyhow, last week we sat watching the telly. I nodded off. Woke up to find him gone. I asked where he went. He's dumped me. Fair enough you can dump anyone for any reason. Because he tried waking me up in my sleep and I apparently told him to f**k off.

But I was asleep????? As in not entirely conscious??? Shit reason to end it I think but may be wrong???

Shit has MASSIVELY escalated since then but this is the original reason he's dumped me. Fair enough or a shit excuse?

Now to the shitstorm that's followed....

I was quite frankly utterly humiliated having to take his possessions to his mums house.

I did not see him. But I'm ASHAMED to admit I was still messaging him to actually ask if he finished with me over somthing I said in my sleep.

Apparently not. 3 weeks ago he went to kiss me on sofa that lead to him touching me. I said no. Which I'm allowed to say?

He then stated 3 WEEKS LATER when he's pulled off the great escape that I made him feel and I quote 'rapey and a creep'

Lucky escape. He sounds like a charmer.

Block him and move on.

It gets better @RainbowZebraWarrior

I've had the police at my door twice in the last day to get me arrested for 'stalking' (I havnt left the house since this happened)

They couldn't arrest me as I've havnt done anything illegal? If I want to make up a rape allegations tell them. I said HE was the one who said rape?? I honestly have no clue what 'incident' 3 weeks ago he's referring to??????

Greatest thing is we work together. I'm going to hand my notice in incase he says I'm stalking him aren't I?

I think you need to leave well alone. Block him and have no further dealings with him. Can you avoid him at work? If not, then you need to look for a new job.

I honestly have left him alone other than saying I'm coming into work! He's then phoned the police on me?!?

Yeah I know its batshit. I'm honestly perplexed. This has escalated so quickly my heads in a spin.

The last 3 weeks he sat in my home/bed? All while feeling like quote 'a rapey creep'?

If he felt like that...didn't check in with me. Didn't see of I was OK?

I know im ranting...waited a week to post but I'm still not understanding his reasoning at all is? He 'felt he was rapey and a creep' so dumped me??? And no concern about I might 'feel' raped????

He has serious psychological problems. Stay well away.

It really is batshit You're very much better off without a cocklodger who believes you owe him sex when he wants it - and, icing on cake, abuses the police force to get petty revenge on you (for what, who knows or cares?)

Is there someone at work you can warn about this? It sounds as though he's likely to try and undermine you by foul means. It would be so much better if you feel supported in work, and don't have to quit because of this jerk.

@Garlicked This is EXACTLY how I'm feeling.

I'm honestly dumbfounded. We were sat watching netflix in middle of the day. I nodded off (I know im lazy lol)

To wake up to him gone (bit shit but id get over it) Have to drop his stuff too his mums (how f**king embarrassing)

then this???

i know i sound batshit myself. I just cant believe hes gone to get me arrested as he didnt want to face me in work?!? Over 'stalking'???? When i havnt even seen him???

I appreciate all responses gang x

Well he's a weirdo isn't he. Lucky escape there OP! It'll die down.

There's a saying 'I'd rather be comforted with a lie than hurt by the truth'

I'd of preferred if he said 'you not the woman for me' or 'I'd rather be single' or 'you ate a pot noodle a disgusting way and give me the ICK' (mumsnet reference)

Why this stuff about he 'felt' rapey? There could of been a thousand reasons why he didn't want to be with me. And I'd of accepted them. I'm not perfect.

I just feel he has made rape a joke. Not understanding the consequences of what he's actually saying.

I might start a poll in AIBU to ask how often your boyfriend or husband 'FEELS RAPEY AND A CREEP' after sex?

And again I know im ranting at mumsnet. I'm sorry. I'm just honestly struggling.

DO NOT give your notice in, get to your boss first and tell them he's behaving really weirdly and you are afraid of him. Ask if you can be separated.
Don't give in to weirdos like this. In the meantime go no contact and write a diary of where you are everyday and also any messages from him.

He's already gone to the police...never mind the boss!!!! I'm supposed to go in tomorrow 😭shall I just not incase he accusations of stalking??? Is it worth it???? X

You have to go in and immediately speak to your boss and HR. Explain he’s accusing you of stalking, and you just want to be able to come to work in peace.

Don't hand your notice in.
Police should be VA (voluntary attendance) interview at most, so don't be alarmed or scared if it's recorded. Just give your account. Harassment (I'm sure) needs at least 2 times of unwanted contact and that's really hard when someone hasn't said they don't want contact .

You took his stuff round to his house. That's it. You didn't even seem him. He's complained, police have a duty to look in too it. You don't know what he's said, could gave made tonnes of crap up.

I'd also Consider speaking to HR. (someone HR wise might know better) bit a heads up to say what's happened, in case he decides to complain about something to them that's not true!

Also think you should give work the heads up ASAP. They may have previous info on him and can build up a pic.
Don't let his insanity lose you a job under any means. He is mad. You are not. Shocked and surprised but not mad so why should you suffer?
His mum will have seen this nonsense many times so don't worry about her 😘😘😘

Crazy! Go to work, talk to your boss and keep away from him. Don’t communicate at all even if you’re looking for answers. You won’t get anything positive from him.

Reporting something to the police does not make our true! The police are used to dealing with malicious complaints, they'll soon work it out.

And you must go into work as normal. Hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong. Talk to HR and your boss. They need to know what's going on.

Well I've managed to avoid him today so atleast he can't try getting me arrested for stalking tonight. I'm also out of the country until next Tuesday so that's in my favour I suppose!

Have you given anyone a heads up about malicious accusations? He could be starting things at work behind your back.

So you say you've been texting him, count the number of texts you've sent to him since splitting up - is it a big number? Regardless, he can always block them without needing police involvement.
It was very unnecessary to announce in a text that you are going into work, why do that? Was it a response from him you were after, though not quite expecting the police? You work there, of course you are going to be there, it's no business of his, so he does not need your arrival at work announcing prior.
Why did he move in so fast and was he paying his way or actually being a cocklodger? Hardly something to laugh about if he was, that's more something to be embarrassed about on your part for letting him.
Sounds like he is of no loss, I suspect he's one of these grim guys who likes to come onto women when they are asleep- so he knows there's no consent in that, hence feeling rapey. But as your automatic response is to tell him to FO when disturbed during sleep, he luckily hasn't got anywhere trying that with you.
Some women don't happen to respond in that way and wake up to sex already taking place, which is indeed rape. Be glad you have the automatic default setting that you do. I think this could be a nasty kink he has and if you had not been the type to bat him away he would of just carried on. He's disappointed that he doesn't have that kind of power over you, which is grim and a him problem.

@Opentooffers Thank you for a thought provoking response. I don't know the technical term but we 'bubbled' text from the start. Just our style. So instead of typing one huge wall of text I'd send eg 1)hia 2) how's work today? 3)fancy what for dinner tonight?

I noticed at the time he was sending back massive walls of text almost like he KNEW he could say 'she's sent 5 texts to all of my one'.

Regarding the cock lodging he was 100% of the time splinting a take away. Or if we got a bottle of wine.

Not paying rent/eletric/water etc

Yep I was expecting a confront in work...told him as much. He's jumped the gun and gone to the police feel as can't look me in the eye?

Also thinking he is not the first cocklodger I've experienced. Its interesting as i go on a date with a man. 6 months later they are sitting in thier crusty boxers while playing my x box while I pick thier feet up to hoover under them and I wounder how the fuck have we got to this??

I do have too take atleast some of the responsibility in this.

@AGlinnerOfHope I was too on edge to ask anyone if anything has been said! Was too busy avoiding him. I should clarify we both had the week off together which made it worse going back in. Argh FML