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Original poster

He keeps threatening to leave me

40 replies

Sonniekia · 13/05/2024 21:36

So to cut a long story short my partner keeps threatening to leave me every time we argue these arguments I feel like I’m being massively manipulated in ways it’s almost like I feel I couldn’t live my life without him so when he threatens to leave I go into panic mode and I stop the arguing but the things he’s done to me over the last few days has just made me realise it even more for instance he didn’t like something I said so he added loads of females on his social media’s I’m guessing to hurt me and it worked this then caused arguments which he then threatened to leave me how??? Also tonight cooking his tea can clearly see I am cooking his tea as it’s what he asked for 9pm at night and he says forget that I’m of to nandos what! And just walks out and doesn’t say a word to me i can’t even believe I even feel so strongly for this man we’ve been together 4 years now have a 3 year old son to he wasn’t always this way but it’s just getting worse has anyone left a situation like this and have any advice on how to even do it thank you

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 13/05/2024 21:43

Call his bluff. It's the only way to deal with people like this. Sounds like you'd be better off in the long run if he did leave, so let him

ZekeZeke · 13/05/2024 21:44

Let the trash take itself out

EVHead · 13/05/2024 21:46

Do you own your home or rent?

AGlinnerOfHope · 13/05/2024 21:46

Let him go. You’ll be amazed how much easier everything is. Men like him are oxygen thieves. They leave nothing for anyone else, including your child.

60andsomething · 13/05/2024 21:46

Whos house is it? If its yours, I would just ask for his key back next time he says he is leaving, and finish it

NeverHeardOfSuchTosh · 13/05/2024 21:48

Let him go, he sounds bloody horrible. Do you want years more of that? He's unpleasant, ungrateful, inconsiderate, selfish, manipulative, controlling, and not a good role model for your child. What more do you need to get rid of him?

Lollypop701 · 13/05/2024 21:48

The first he said he leave I’d have had a frank conversation… don’t threaten me, either mean it or don’t say it. Second time I’d pack his bags for him.

im happy to argue/discuss and disagree , but don’t try to fuck with my head . Play silly games get silly prizes

gamerchick · 13/05/2024 21:49

Quite, call his bluff. Tell him to bugger off if that's what he wants.

Sounds like he's trying to keep you on the back foot for a reason though. When your partner suddenly starts treating you with contempt. There always a reason you're not aware of yet.

When they go on wanting you to end things so they don't look like the bad guy. There's always a reason for it.

Topseyt123 · 13/05/2024 21:50

Another saying call his bluff. Next time he threatens to leave you just say "Byeeeee then. Don't let the door hit you on the arse as you go out!"

To be honest, it almost sounds like he would be doing you a favour. He sounds like a manipulative arse.

VinnieVanDog · 13/05/2024 21:55

You know his behaviour's not right, he's pushing you seeing how much disrespect you'll take before you snap so then he can blame the breakup on you, that's really cowardly. Put your Son and yourself first, take control.

Original poster
Sonniekia · 13/05/2024 21:56

I rent

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/05/2024 21:59

Is his name on the tenancy?
If not, just tell him to leave
You must be on tenterhooks waiting for the words " I'm leaving"
Let him and watch your panic subside
You're worth more than this piece of shit and you and your DC deserve better

WoodBurningStov · 13/05/2024 21:59

He's using it to control you. He gets his own way or gets you to accept things you don't want by threatening to leave you. It's a technique used by abusers.

Please leave this man.

Next time he does this agree with him and offer to pack his bag. No doubt he'll back track but I'd still leave home. It's a toxic environment to live in

Bettedaviseyes111 · 13/05/2024 22:00

I think it’s a childish way of trying to manoeuvre you into letting the argument go. But essentially if someone is threatening to leave it’s constantly destabilising the relationship.

Adding loads of women on social media to make you jealous, also a no. It’s just disrespectful and a sign he isn’t making you or the relationship a priority. Ultimately showing lack of commitment and again undermining the relationship. If he needs attention from other women then that’s fine … he shouldn’t be in a relationship though.

Doing all of the above is saying he doesn’t value you and is trying to shut down your perspective.

If you haven’t let him know that these actions are hurtful and ruining the relationship before then maybe have a chat and see if things change. But if you’ve already raised it and it keeps happening then
its just a really poor pattern of behaviour and although you love him my advice is bin him off, because there’s no longevity with someone like that.

Original poster
Sonniekia · 13/05/2024 22:01

Honestly I’m just laid in bed now wondering how I even let myself get so low to even put up with it he’s posted photos at Nando’s having his food the list is endless for things like these he packed all his things the other day and as he was just leaving he said is this what you really want and he ended up staying and asked me to cook his breakfast it puts me down so much so I just make it back right just to feel okay in myself I’m attached to this man for what reason I do not know

OP posts:
Lilmaubetden · 13/05/2024 22:03

He’s emotionally abusive.
He’s a terrible father and partner.
Please let him leave. You don’t deserve this and neither does your child.

Tel12 · 13/05/2024 22:05

It sounds like he wants to leave then loses his nerve, putting it all on you. Stop cooking just meals for a start. Give him it cold for breakfast. You probably need to start making plans for life without him.

Original poster
Sonniekia · 13/05/2024 22:07

He also takes my phone and goes threw it when he likes which isn’t a issue I don’t have anything to hide I then said it to him I never usually do his reaction was got up from the table were he was eating his dinner and said no your just acting a wierdo got up said I’m getting my things am leaving then rang me after he left saying I can’t even sit down and enjoy my dinner in peace baring in mind this is my house not his

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 13/05/2024 22:09

Then kick him out of it. He’s not treating you or your home with respect. He’s not a partner. He’s an abuser.

Original poster
Sonniekia · 13/05/2024 22:16

Tel12 · 13/05/2024 22:05

It sounds like he wants to leave then loses his nerve, putting it all on you. Stop cooking just meals for a start. Give him it cold for breakfast. You probably need to start making plans for life without him.

I literally try to not do things for him and then the manipulation starts and I end up doing it anyway it's actually sad I'm in this position never thought I would be

OP posts:
Original poster
Sonniekia · 13/05/2024 22:18

Bettedaviseyes111 · 13/05/2024 22:00

I think it’s a childish way of trying to manoeuvre you into letting the argument go. But essentially if someone is threatening to leave it’s constantly destabilising the relationship.

Adding loads of women on social media to make you jealous, also a no. It’s just disrespectful and a sign he isn’t making you or the relationship a priority. Ultimately showing lack of commitment and again undermining the relationship. If he needs attention from other women then that’s fine … he shouldn’t be in a relationship though.

Doing all of the above is saying he doesn’t value you and is trying to shut down your perspective.

If you haven’t let him know that these actions are hurtful and ruining the relationship before then maybe have a chat and see if things change. But if you’ve already raised it and it keeps happening then
its just a really poor pattern of behaviour and although you love him my advice is bin him off, because there’s no longevity with someone like that.

I have let him know these thing many of times crying to him begging him not to do it to me again and he does time and time again I bring it up that he's hurt me he snaps and says he'll leave me I shut up he carry's on as normal and inside I feel like I'm loosing my mind and he's just living his day to day life without a care in the world it's draining

OP posts:
Blobblobblob · 13/05/2024 22:20

This is nuts. Just get rid. It's really sad to read. He's treating you like shit to keep you in your place.

You'll feel a lot better when he's gone.

Original poster
Sonniekia · 13/05/2024 22:24

Blobblobblob · 13/05/2024 22:20

This is nuts. Just get rid. It's really sad to read. He's treating you like shit to keep you in your place.

You'll feel a lot better when he's gone.

It's really sad I know I used to think women who let men treat them like this are crazy not to leave untill it's me now I understand it's as if he's got me on puppet strings

OP posts:
Bayleaftree63 · 13/05/2024 22:25

What you’re saying is no way to live. Walking on eggs shells all the time. Men don’t treat women they love and respect like that. Call his bluff and kick him out. Get some self respect and own the situation. If not for yourself, for your child. Your child and you deserve better.

Imagine a friend was asking you advice on this? What advice would you give them?!

AdoraBell · 13/05/2024 22:28

He is abusing you. You deserve much better and could do better without him.

Do you have friends/family support?