He keeps threatening to leave me

[Sonniekia]

So to cut a long story short my partner keeps threatening to leave me every time we argue these arguments I feel like I’m being massively manipulated in ways it’s almost like I feel I couldn’t live my life without him so when he threatens to leave I go into panic mode and I stop the arguing but the things he’s done to me over the last few days has just made me realise it even more for instance he didn’t like something I said so he added loads of females on his social media’s I’m guessing to hurt me and it worked this then caused arguments which he then threatened to leave me how??? Also tonight cooking his tea can clearly see I am cooking his tea as it’s what he asked for 9pm at night and he says forget that I’m of to nandos what! And just walks out and doesn’t say a word to me i can’t even believe I even feel so strongly for this man we’ve been together 4 years now have a 3 year old son to he wasn’t always this way but it’s just getting worse has anyone left a situation like this and have any advice on how to even do it thank you

The exact same advice easier said than done when your in that situation im not strong enough to do it I cave every single time

Now that you know you need to decide if you want to do something about it or not.

Agree with PP - let him go. He sounds awful and he will destroy you emotionally with his nastiness. You’ve only been together 4 years but you have a 3 yo son - it sounds like you became parents to a shared child very quickly. This is the true him. He’s nasty.

Not really plus I don't like to tell people this is the first time in 4 years I have only because I'm at my wits end I feel myself going crazy I needed to let it all out

Read up about trauma bonding and start to see this 'relationship' for what it is. You deserve better.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding

What a waste of your life, make tomorrow a new start to your life, tell him you are done, if you think he's going to kick off call the police first.

In that case I would say it’s time to call it a day. If he isn’t prepared to attempt to change this pattern then he is not respectful or valuing you or the relationship.

Tell him to bugger off then.
My exH did this all the time so when he did leave I changed the locks and refused to let him back. Nobody plays games with me like that.
Im much happier without him.

No, you need to end it. Otherwise, what’s your long term plan? Just keep putting up with this nonsense forever or until he gets bored and actually leaves?

Tell him to fuck off. Don’t let him in again, don’t cook him tea, breakfast or anything else. He doesn’t respect you at all, it doesn’t sound like he even likes you.
Block him on social media so you don’t have to see his childish attempts to upset you.
it really doesn’t matter if you are “ attracted “ to him, he is a lowlife, and his disrespect for you as the mother of his child is disgusting. Pick up your self respect and dignity and move on with your life. You deserve better.

You’re really struggling with what, on paper, is a no brainer. What is it you are scared of? Change is scary, telling people your relationship is over is difficult, adjusting to being single and responsible for everything is daunting, shared parenting is likely to be tricky.

But the benefits to you and your child- yes, at 3 he will know things are bad and mummy is unhappy- are overwhelming.

Tell us what you are worried about and the women here can support you into a better life.

Be brave and ask him to leave. You will feel much better for it in time x

Put a password on your phone. Leave him. He’s abusive.

@Sonniekia If you don’t kick him out soon - he’ll start his mind games and control on your child next when your DC does something he dislikes. Imagine the trauma this will create for your child. Imagine the trauma your child is already experiencing from the very atmosphere and tone that his father brings to the home. Kids pick up on this stuff.

If you let this man stay and his behaviour continue I think it will damage your DC in his formative years and have a lifelong impact.

his behaviour is abusive. It’s controlling. It’s on purpose. Get some advice from support organisations but please please do leave him.

even if he gets EOW access to your child you can navigate and manage that. It’s honestly better than the impact of having the man in your home for you both 24/7.

Can you imagine what he’ll be like in another 10 years if you let him stay?

Hi @Sonniekia
The rollercoaster of abuse destroys your confidence and self-trust. Living with the constant stress is an insane amount of pressure to live with. So give yourself some credit for surviving each day, and being a mum in the most difficult circumstances. People who've not been through it can be quick to wonder and blame a woman with - 'why doesn't she just leave' without realizing that emotional abuse is essentially a process of entrapment that plays out over time.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not an overnight thing - it is a long series of very small steps. And yeah, lots of women have done this, and you can too.

You've taken the step to post here and be honest about how you feel and how it is impacting you. That is a big step.

Your next step could checking out the Women's Aid forum, setting up a personal bank account, researching counseling for yourself, signing up for a class/ hobby/study that will help you build your confidence. Try reaching out to family or friends to let them know what is going on - getting support is a really important step in the process of leaving, you'll need encouragement and cheering-on. Mumsnet has helped people leave abusive dynamics, so you can keep posting here.

There are also online groups you can join that are dedicated to helping women navigate and leave emotionally abusive relationships.

No matter how devastated and beaten down you feel right now, you do have a better future ahead without this man in it. It might take time to get there - but you can do it, and you absolutely deserve it.