I'm feeling so upset and so confused right now and desperately need some insight. I don't even know how to explain what's going on.
My husband is outwardly loving with me. Says the right things, does the right things etc. But increasingly he says things without thinking which, if believed, paint me in a really negative light. When I challenge him he'll admit it's not true and apologise. He seems to see it as just speaking without thinking and something he needs to control and stop. But to me it feels like it's bigger than that. That there's deep seated resentment or something that leaks out in unguarded moments.
Things like, I've recently undergone complex shoulder surgery. He's been helping me go to bed as some things I can't manage on my own. Now I can just about manage myself. Yesterday he commented that now he'll be able to get to bed at a decent time rather than being forced to stay up until I'm ready to sleep in order to help me. Prior to my accident I'd often go to bed much later than him. But when I challenged it, he admitted that it was false. That I had shifted to his schedule because I needed help. (I still need some help but now feel I can't ask because to me it comes across as resentful)
Or when he was painting the front window frames he dropped paint on the paving slabs. I told him to put some protection down because he was making a mess. He tells people that I was absolutely livid at him because of a few drops of paint. I was at worst mildly irritated. Again, when challenged he'll admit that his description isn't reflective of reality.
He does this mostly when talking to other people, especially women, about me. I just don't understand why he's doing this. Why he's acting so loving, caring and devoted to me but at the same time portraying me falsely as some sort of shrieking harridan.
I'm so sad.