In love with my therapist

[TherapyHelp]

NC because this is embarrassing.

I know it's not unusual but I have a serious crush on my therapist. We're both female, I know she is a lesbian (I am too).

I can't stop thinking about her and wishing we'd met under different circumstances. We are both single and have so much in common.

She has an informal and relaxed style and is happy to answer questions when I ask so I feel like I know her quite well.

Should I tell her in our sessions? Google says I should but that feels really cringeworthy.

Should I end the therapy? I am reluctant to as it is really helping me.

I know nothing will ever happen even if the feelings are reciprocated.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?

I’ve been mulling this over and came up with possible scenarios.

The client tells the therapist that they love stone collecting, the therapist will ask questions about it, e.g.,

”Do you get out to do it a lot?” Looking for signs of depression or anxiety if they don’t.

”Do you share stone collecting with your family?” Looking for signs of shame or more insight into the client’s close relationships.

or, the therapist thinks, “Have they seen my stone collection and want to connect with me?”

The therapist isn’t chatting, they’re building a picture, understanding the client’s resources and places where they need more support, checking the time, thinking about what the client can work on in the space between sessions, etc. Saying, “Me too! Let’s share collection photos!” isn’t therapy.

I think sometimes self-disclosure can be useful in the context of a therapeutical relationship. I know my psychiatrist sometimes does it deliberately - for example, he has two nephews who are a bit older than my son so we talk about that from time to time. The main purpose of it tends to be to try and make me feel safe and comfortable in sessions as I sometimes get overwhelmed with the 'hard stuff' to the point of not being able to talk. A funny anecdote, for example, can sometimes break that spell.

For everyone saying the therapist, a registered professional, is being inappropriate, you are basing this on the OP’s posts. Which are being presented as a way to seek validation that her wish that her therapist has feelings for her is true and she should fess up so they can have a relationship. It’s not likely to be accurate and certainly isn’t objective.

I agree with the first posters that the therapist should end sessions because either she is as lacking in boundaries as the OP is posting and it isn’t a safe space for OP or she is behaving appropriately but is being presented as lacking in boundaries to feed someone’s fantasy. None of it ends well for OP.

Hmm former therapist here. Transference ( which is what this is) is really common and can be part of making a big breakthrough in therapy if it is handled well. But can also be hugely damaging if the therapist doesn’t handle it in a very boundaried way. If you can accept that a relationship would never be possible and would potentially be dangerous for both of you I would mention it in one final session and explore what it means for how you form romantic attachments.

You don’t love her, you don’t know her (even if you think you do)
she’s someone who asks lots of questions about you and shows an interest in you, you feel like she cares about you in comparison to other relationships in your life and obviously you need and want that
she sympathises, she hears your side, she has worked with you through emotional and vulnerable issues and to be able to open up to her you’ve developed feelings of trust and care. This is similar to but not the same as a partner so it can be confusing but it’s not the same, for example you are paying her to provide this space for you. She is also not being vulnerable with you. It’s not a reciprocal relationship.

That is completely untrue and your friend is not an ethical therapist. In fact she is doing untold emotional damage to her clients and should not be practicing if she can't deal with her clients emotions. I'm betting she doesn't have supervision either as they would have set her straight.

OP this is a very normal part of therapy and if your therapist is good then she will know how to work with it. It will pass with time and acknowledgement.

I've never openly talked about it as the shame is too much but he has quietly acknowledged it, made it clear that he is aware of it and that its OK.