Is it me????

[Vicvik]

Hi all and thanks for reading. So recently it was my partners birthday, it was a big birthday, number isn’t relevant. I thought we had a nice day, we opened presents, we went out for breakfast, her and her daughter, me and my son(we all live together) she wanted money so she could go shopping, so we did for a few hours before dinner as a family with her mother and friends and our blended family. She was spoiled, especially by me, I’d arranged to take her to Italy in June as her main present. All in all from everyone including food she had about £2000 spent on her and loved ALL of her presents. All of a sudden out of no where she says she was disappointed we didn’t do an activity for her birthday. There wasn’t really time on the day with breakfast, seeing family and dinner, so decided to do something this weekend. Gave her some options of what she’d like to do on Sunday, these options we given to her Friday, Saturday and again Sunday morning and out of no where, no one cares about her, she totally lost her shit saying the holiday to Italy was a waste cos it’s not until June. (She’s always wanted to visit this city in italy. So when better to treat her) and that it’s not really a birthday present cos it’s not on her birthday, we both work so needed to sort it with work as well, plus I just started a new job so taking time off in the 1st week wouldn’t look good. Bare in mind for my birthday she was taking me away for a weekend, we still haven’t gone and it’s been over a month. This has blown up to her breaking up with and threatening me and my son. Is it me or is she ungrateful? Honest answers please. Thank you

Is it me or is she ungrateful?

Ungrateful comes lower down in the list of adjectives for me, under batshit crazy, unstable, unhinged, entitled, avaristic, unreasonable, threatening ...

If that's of any help.

but this is really out of character, she has had several “episodes “ where I think she has issues

This is a bit contradictory.

It's out of character, but it's the latest of several episodes.

Anyway, when did the episodes start?

Is she on medication for anything and has she stopped taking it or upped it or ...??

I had to leave the house after a threat of her being violent, I asked if my sons safe, she said no take him as well

I agree with the poster who said that this is a line, once crossed, that cannot be let go.

Having to flee from your home, and make your son leave too - is not a scenario that you should reconcile with someone after.

Not to say that her other behaviour wasn't enough to end it anyway.

Dump and never see her again. You're teaching your Son bad lessons for life.

What does your son's "twin bestie" have to say about all this, incidentally?

What does she think of her Mum dumping you and threatening you and your son with violence; because her several thousand quid shopping trip and planned trip abroad wasn't pleasing enough and you should have psychically known she wanted an activity too and set one up?

What were the other "episodes" incidentally?

She sounds horrible. Some people go from one person to the next and "get found out" in the end.

I'd milk every moment of splitting up with her. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Anyone threatening my child would never see me again. Simple.

Seriously OP - it seems that in your case - Older is certainly NOT wiser.
What is with - ‘we knew immediately we wanted to be together forever’….
Certainly with life experience you must have learned that no one really knows how relationships turn out. And that it takes time to get yo know another person.

I think her behaviour is her mask slipping off. This IS the real her. You better open your eyes and think really carefully about the life you want. This is not looking good.

Greedy, selfish, entitled, narcissistic spoilt brat springs to mind. Who will never be happy with what she's got/gets and will always want more more more. And it will always be about me me me.

£2000 ???????

Why?!

There’s a really good documentary on C4 (I think) where a man recorded his wife abusing him. I suggest you give it a watch.

She threatened your son. Everything else is irrelevant and you will be failing him if you don't make that your sole focus when deciding what to do. It's normal to twist and turn and try to find any way you might possibly be able make this work but the conclusion has to and can only be that this relationship is over. I'm sorry OP, I hope you're ok.

Ugh.

Take your son to Italy and tell her to fuck off.

After a year, you barely knew her enough to move in together, be glad you know now what she really is about.

You both sound like you have problems with relationships and possibly have both taught this to your respective children.
Yes break up and get out.
But please also get yourself some counselling about why you'd jump in so quickly. And maybe get some help for your son to learn about healthy relationships and setting boundaries.

She's mentally unstable and that's why she's never been married before.

Go to Italy with your DS. She's ruined it for you and her now anyway.

Leave her and find someone who genuinely loves you and appreciates you and the amazing efforts you make.

Why the fuck does your teenager call this woman mum?!

My husband got me 2 punnets of petunias for £7 on my 40th plus he gave them to
me the day before so I had nothing to open on my birthday.

A meal
Gifts
An activity
Money for clothes
Italy

I think she's ungrateful

Is this the second birthday she's had since you met? What happened on her first?

You left the house because she threatened you with violence but you left your son there?

Also do the kids not see their other parent
?

At 16 you don't call a stranger mum / dad.

Leave her as soon as possible.

Think about your son’s well-being and happiness if not your own.

Yeah, be grateful you're not together anymore.

She's a fruitbat. The 'I'd die for her' is a bit pathetic though. You're not 17.

Agree with this. Late teenage kids calling someone they’ve only known for a couple of years ‘mum/dad’ and being ‘like twins’ with their enforced step sibling - who thing sounds very odd and far too much too soon to be a healthy dynamic, especially with the OP’s update. Sounds more like they’ve been forced to adapt because their patents have rushed in headfirst and not maintained healthy family boundaries now it’s going to shit.

Based on her previous "spinster" comments, and it being a big birthday, is there a chance she thought (unrealistic imo) that you might propose and was disappointed you didn't?

I had my 60th recently and all I got from husband was a bouquet of flowers. He talked about other gifts but nothing materialised. I'd have been thrilled with money for shopping, family meal and a trip to Italy. She's an ungrateful cow and you've found out who she really is. Your son is the only one you should ever consider giving your life for, not this awful woman.

Because he doesn’t have a mum and she has been like a mum to him