Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Follow on post- partner shouted in car whilst driving

31 replies

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 20:20

I saw my partner again this weekend-I wanted to talk to him person regards to the weekend? but wanted to wait for the right time to bring it up, we had a really good day and I can't remember exactly how I brang it up however I just asked him, how come it annoys you going the wrong way.
He responses with 'what made you ask that, who have you spoke to, what did they say!'
I reassured him that I was just curious and then he mentioned about it wasn't kjay about going the wrong way it was about me not listening about not having maps on.
Anyway when I tried to ask him or tell him my side, he shut me down saying why am I trying to ruin a good day you always do this, end of conversation and called me a scumbag and c**t

Today again I was driving I decided not to use maps as we were driving somewhere local so I was more comfortable-there was about 6 or more cyclists ahead of us taking up the whole road, and another car in front of us, he started getting wound up. Cursing, I tried to say why are you so annoyed you're not driving. He then rolled down my window and shouted 'get in a f*n single line and than I said not to shout (again with baby in car) so he decided to honk my horn. Again I told him not too, but later as we were still following he shouted the same thing and attempted to honk horn again, I asked him to calm(I learned from my behaviour last time so I kept my cool) I told him don't worry once clear and safe I will over take, when I told him to stop shouting he said he would shout louder and these dick heads need to be told when in wrong otherwise they won't learn.
We finally overtook but he shouted and swore again as we drove past,
He also kept telling me when I should go and not go whilst driving which I told him before not to mention if he will get in my car, he then started saying that's because I am a shit driver I am a c**t to be honest I can't remember what else he said but in the end I said he needed to get out so I ended up dropping him home and driving home with bubba. Which I normally stay and try to sort. I feel guilty for going back home but didn't want baby around all that plus it was not good for me either and needed space.

I know I need to end things but I don't know how everytime he makes me feel guilty how I always reset our relationship I don't give him stability etc. I feel we are going round in viscous cycle and it's not fair or healthy on baby or me I can't deal with his bad moods and he is not able to communicate without shutting me down .
He is naive -he says things like he was going to book a holiday but he cancelled (I don't care bout holiday ) I even said how do you expect us to live together if we can't even go on holiday and he basically said it's different. I also said this is the reason why we haven't moved out or you don't see baby often enough, he basically said no it's because I don't have money-if he knew I do t have money because I am looking after his baby full time so I can't go work as I have no one to look after her while he works full time and only sees baby on weekends :/

OP posts:
livingfreedom · 12/05/2024 20:45

Why are you wasting time with him if hes doing all this just end it.
You last post was pretty much the same road rage and maps this post you just added he called you names as well.
Just go your separate ways and be good parents.
You got loads of advice from your last thread but you came back with an update of more red flags if you dont want drama dont put up with it.
Sorry to be blunt.

MMadness · 12/05/2024 20:45

He's a piece of shit who calls the mother of his child a cunt. Get rid of him, claim child support and move on.

coffeecakecoffee · 12/05/2024 20:47

Agree with both the above posters.

ChockysChimichanga · 12/05/2024 20:47

I read your last thread and I’m a bit mystified as to why you’ve started another one because nothing has changed.

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 20:59

livingfreedom · 12/05/2024 20:45

Why are you wasting time with him if hes doing all this just end it.
You last post was pretty much the same road rage and maps this post you just added he called you names as well.
Just go your separate ways and be good parents.
You got loads of advice from your last thread but you came back with an update of more red flags if you dont want drama dont put up with it.
Sorry to be blunt.

I know I shouldn't be doing another post and I don't expect to have a lot of responses like last time, I greatly appreciated the responses I got previously too, I don't know why I am even posting a second time to be honest, I just feel lost,confused and hurt, and I don't know how to end things/best way to do it x

OP posts:
mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:00

ChockysChimichanga · 12/05/2024 20:47

I read your last thread and I’m a bit mystified as to why you’ve started another one because nothing has changed.

I don't know myself -I guess this is my space to chat openly/let everything out and at same time I have people to support me x

OP posts:
Couldyounot · 12/05/2024 21:01

Oh fuck feeling guilty, OP. Tell the stroppy little boy to fuck off. Then enjoy the peace.

LividAA · 12/05/2024 21:02

You say "I want to split up with you, we can work out arrangements for seeing the baby and maintenance that suit us both, but we won't be together any more". And that's that.
Do it by text or around people if you're worried about your safety. He'll piss and moan, maybe threaten to kill himself, maybe cry and beg, ignore it all because the minute you relent you'll be back to square one.

Woman up and get it done, for your baby who deserves better.

ribeaner · 12/05/2024 21:02

Saw your last thread mumnetters were all on your side giving you good advice.
But to come back just to say more drama about the same thing really i dont think all mumnetters are going to be kind this time round.
You know its wrong but yet you still chase him and allow it to continue.
You got no one to blame but your self for putting up with it.
You got more of a chance than most women on here your not living together for a start your not married.
I dont know what advice we can give because you didnt take it last time.
Is it online attention your seeking because im finding it hard to see anything else.

plasq · 12/05/2024 21:03

Stop allowing him in your car.
Split up

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 12/05/2024 21:08
  1. he doesnt know hoe to drive and doesnt even know his high way code so stop listening to the arsehole.
  2. he is abusive and will damage you and your baby. Stop seeing him.

^Rule 66: Be considerate of the needs of other road users when riding in groups. You can ride two abreast and it can be safer to do so, particularly in larger groups or when accompanying children or less experienced riders. Be aware of drivers behind you, and allow them to overtake (e.g. by moving into single file or stopping) when you feel it is safe to let them do so.^

^Rule 213: On narrow sections of road, on quiet roads or streets, at road junctions and in slower-moving traffic, cyclists may sometimes ride in the centre of the lane, rather than towards the side of the road. It can be safer for groups of cyclists to ride two abreast in these situations. Allow them to do so for their own safety, to ensure they can see and be seen. Cyclists are also advised to ride at least a door’s width or 1.0m from parked cars for their own safety.^

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 12/05/2024 21:09

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:00

I don't know myself -I guess this is my space to chat openly/let everything out and at same time I have people to support me x

But you want people to support you being with an abusive man. That isn't healthy.

Whatamuckykitchen · 12/05/2024 21:09

I’m going to be kind this time round.
OP I really feel for you, I have been in a relationship where, for years, people have been trying to get me to leave. I understand that it’s not that easy.
im sure others will have suggested that you should try women’s aid and i will suggest the same, they are amazing in many ways. Please go have a chat.

livingfreedom · 12/05/2024 21:09

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 20:59

I know I shouldn't be doing another post and I don't expect to have a lot of responses like last time, I greatly appreciated the responses I got previously too, I don't know why I am even posting a second time to be honest, I just feel lost,confused and hurt, and I don't know how to end things/best way to do it x

Lost confused hurt words that are used by many online when someone as told them the truth cant be that bad your still allowing it.
Sorry but your a grown woman with a child act it end it simple move on.

ZekeZeke · 12/05/2024 21:09

If you stay with this abusive shit then you are guilty of fcuking up your child. Can you live with that?
Your poor child, listening to his father call his mother such vile names, being aggressive to strangers and losing his shit for no reason at all.
What a role model for your child?
It won't be long before he calls you these abusive names too, monkey see monkey do.
Now will you listen and leave him?

unbelievablescenes · 12/05/2024 21:09

You're basically at the point of weighing up if the good outweighs the bad. Is it worth splitting up when we had a lovely day and the bad part was 'just a small fly in the ointment'. This is about you setting standards and boundaries and being able to stick to them when they're crossed. It doesn't matter if someone is perfect all the rest of the time, calling you a cunt, road raging with your baby in the car, whatever else he's doing that's generally shitty behaviour, should all be crossing the boundaries of a person with an appropriate amount of self worth. Get rid of he will end up showing your baby how to behave as a man or what to accept as a woman. And that will be on you as you have all the information you need to be a better role model and get him to fuck away from your baby

StSwithinsDay · 12/05/2024 21:12

He ended the most recent conversation by calling you a scumbag and a cunt.
That's enough. You don't need any more justification.

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:13

Whatamuckykitchen · 12/05/2024 21:09

I’m going to be kind this time round.
OP I really feel for you, I have been in a relationship where, for years, people have been trying to get me to leave. I understand that it’s not that easy.
im sure others will have suggested that you should try women’s aid and i will suggest the same, they are amazing in many ways. Please go have a chat.

Thank you, I don't mean to bother people again, I will try x

OP posts:
mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:17

ribeaner · 12/05/2024 21:02

Saw your last thread mumnetters were all on your side giving you good advice.
But to come back just to say more drama about the same thing really i dont think all mumnetters are going to be kind this time round.
You know its wrong but yet you still chase him and allow it to continue.
You got no one to blame but your self for putting up with it.
You got more of a chance than most women on here your not living together for a start your not married.
I dont know what advice we can give because you didnt take it last time.
Is it online attention your seeking because im finding it hard to see anything else.

Definitely not attention, i took everyone's advice and its with me, that was the whole point of this weekend to talk things through, then I just got shut down and name called, which is why I wanted to know how to end things, I feel bad ending things over text but I think that is the only way

OP posts:
Whatamuckykitchen · 12/05/2024 21:17

Go for it, they are really kind and know all about this stuff. If you can pick up the phone, that’s a massive first step and I say, well done you. Please cheer yourself on too! You are braver than you know, stronger than you know. You’ve got this xxxx

Whatamuckykitchen · 12/05/2024 21:19

Omg, I’m a total stranger wishing you well and willing you on! Go for it!

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:20

LividAA · 12/05/2024 21:02

You say "I want to split up with you, we can work out arrangements for seeing the baby and maintenance that suit us both, but we won't be together any more". And that's that.
Do it by text or around people if you're worried about your safety. He'll piss and moan, maybe threaten to kill himself, maybe cry and beg, ignore it all because the minute you relent you'll be back to square one.

Woman up and get it done, for your baby who deserves better.

Thank you! That's the thing previous times I've ' ended things' thinking I'm strong then I feel guilty' and then it is back to square one' but I know I just sound stupid who cares about his needs it's my baby that matters and I don't want her thinking that's ok, I'm guilty for that too i feel I've let her down already

OP posts:
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/05/2024 21:20

I read your last thread and I’m a bit mystified as to why you’ve started another one because nothing has changed.

She had posted because she needs support. It isn’t easy to leave horrible men and it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and confidence. Support from others to build up confidence, hand hold, help you stay strong can make a huge difference. Criticising and having a go at someone for not acting quickly enough is not helpful, it will make it harder fir someone to leave if you are knocking their confidence.

If you don’t have something nice to say, and aren’t being helpful, then don’t say anything.

OP should feel she can post here as often as she needs. There will always be people on MN who have the time and compassion to give the support needed.

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:28

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/05/2024 21:20

I read your last thread and I’m a bit mystified as to why you’ve started another one because nothing has changed.

She had posted because she needs support. It isn’t easy to leave horrible men and it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and confidence. Support from others to build up confidence, hand hold, help you stay strong can make a huge difference. Criticising and having a go at someone for not acting quickly enough is not helpful, it will make it harder fir someone to leave if you are knocking their confidence.

If you don’t have something nice to say, and aren’t being helpful, then don’t say anything.

OP should feel she can post here as often as she needs. There will always be people on MN who have the time and compassion to give the support needed.

Thank you for your understanding I really appreciate it, I've been in situations like this with him time and time again, and somehow I always excuse his behaviour, for his past. Or his so called adhd. Just too much now

OP posts:
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 12/05/2024 21:31

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:28

Thank you for your understanding I really appreciate it, I've been in situations like this with him time and time again, and somehow I always excuse his behaviour, for his past. Or his so called adhd. Just too much now

I think a big problem is that you are putting his needs and feelings above your own. You need to start putting you and your baby first.

you said that after he was shouting at you, you took him home and left him there. But then you felt guilty. Why did you feel guilty?

Swipe left for the next trending thread