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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Follow on post- partner shouted in car whilst driving

31 replies

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 20:20

I saw my partner again this weekend-I wanted to talk to him person regards to the weekend? but wanted to wait for the right time to bring it up, we had a really good day and I can't remember exactly how I brang it up however I just asked him, how come it annoys you going the wrong way.
He responses with 'what made you ask that, who have you spoke to, what did they say!'
I reassured him that I was just curious and then he mentioned about it wasn't kjay about going the wrong way it was about me not listening about not having maps on.
Anyway when I tried to ask him or tell him my side, he shut me down saying why am I trying to ruin a good day you always do this, end of conversation and called me a scumbag and c**t

Today again I was driving I decided not to use maps as we were driving somewhere local so I was more comfortable-there was about 6 or more cyclists ahead of us taking up the whole road, and another car in front of us, he started getting wound up. Cursing, I tried to say why are you so annoyed you're not driving. He then rolled down my window and shouted 'get in a f*n single line and than I said not to shout (again with baby in car) so he decided to honk my horn. Again I told him not too, but later as we were still following he shouted the same thing and attempted to honk horn again, I asked him to calm(I learned from my behaviour last time so I kept my cool) I told him don't worry once clear and safe I will over take, when I told him to stop shouting he said he would shout louder and these dick heads need to be told when in wrong otherwise they won't learn.
We finally overtook but he shouted and swore again as we drove past,
He also kept telling me when I should go and not go whilst driving which I told him before not to mention if he will get in my car, he then started saying that's because I am a shit driver I am a c**t to be honest I can't remember what else he said but in the end I said he needed to get out so I ended up dropping him home and driving home with bubba. Which I normally stay and try to sort. I feel guilty for going back home but didn't want baby around all that plus it was not good for me either and needed space.

I know I need to end things but I don't know how everytime he makes me feel guilty how I always reset our relationship I don't give him stability etc. I feel we are going round in viscous cycle and it's not fair or healthy on baby or me I can't deal with his bad moods and he is not able to communicate without shutting me down .
He is naive -he says things like he was going to book a holiday but he cancelled (I don't care bout holiday ) I even said how do you expect us to live together if we can't even go on holiday and he basically said it's different. I also said this is the reason why we haven't moved out or you don't see baby often enough, he basically said no it's because I don't have money-if he knew I do t have money because I am looking after his baby full time so I can't go work as I have no one to look after her while he works full time and only sees baby on weekends :/

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 12/05/2024 21:34

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:13

Thank you, I don't mean to bother people again, I will try x

Keep bothering people. Until you leave him. Do what you need to to leave him.

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 21:38

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 20:20

I saw my partner again this weekend-I wanted to talk to him person regards to the weekend? but wanted to wait for the right time to bring it up, we had a really good day and I can't remember exactly how I brang it up however I just asked him, how come it annoys you going the wrong way.
He responses with 'what made you ask that, who have you spoke to, what did they say!'
I reassured him that I was just curious and then he mentioned about it wasn't kjay about going the wrong way it was about me not listening about not having maps on.
Anyway when I tried to ask him or tell him my side, he shut me down saying why am I trying to ruin a good day you always do this, end of conversation and called me a scumbag and c**t

Today again I was driving I decided not to use maps as we were driving somewhere local so I was more comfortable-there was about 6 or more cyclists ahead of us taking up the whole road, and another car in front of us, he started getting wound up. Cursing, I tried to say why are you so annoyed you're not driving. He then rolled down my window and shouted 'get in a f*n single line and than I said not to shout (again with baby in car) so he decided to honk my horn. Again I told him not too, but later as we were still following he shouted the same thing and attempted to honk horn again, I asked him to calm(I learned from my behaviour last time so I kept my cool) I told him don't worry once clear and safe I will over take, when I told him to stop shouting he said he would shout louder and these dick heads need to be told when in wrong otherwise they won't learn.
We finally overtook but he shouted and swore again as we drove past,
He also kept telling me when I should go and not go whilst driving which I told him before not to mention if he will get in my car, he then started saying that's because I am a shit driver I am a c**t to be honest I can't remember what else he said but in the end I said he needed to get out so I ended up dropping him home and driving home with bubba. Which I normally stay and try to sort. I feel guilty for going back home but didn't want baby around all that plus it was not good for me either and needed space.

I know I need to end things but I don't know how everytime he makes me feel guilty how I always reset our relationship I don't give him stability etc. I feel we are going round in viscous cycle and it's not fair or healthy on baby or me I can't deal with his bad moods and he is not able to communicate without shutting me down .
He is naive -he says things like he was going to book a holiday but he cancelled (I don't care bout holiday ) I even said how do you expect us to live together if we can't even go on holiday and he basically said it's different. I also said this is the reason why we haven't moved out or you don't see baby often enough, he basically said no it's because I don't have money-if he knew I do t have money because I am looking after his baby full time so I can't go work as I have no one to look after her while he works full time and only sees baby on weekends :/

@InWithPeaceOutWithStress

I was not able to respond again for some reason,

I think I go focus too much on trying to do the right thing and overthink things, so by being going home is an hour or so away, I lefts hours before I should of done so me feeling guilty was going home with bubba, I'm not that person to use baby as weapon xo I felt I was taking her away from him, I usually stay and sort things but I couldn't this time so left

OP posts:
Tanyahawkes · 12/05/2024 21:45

mumma2698 · 12/05/2024 20:59

I know I shouldn't be doing another post and I don't expect to have a lot of responses like last time, I greatly appreciated the responses I got previously too, I don't know why I am even posting a second time to be honest, I just feel lost,confused and hurt, and I don't know how to end things/best way to do it x

I would say if you want to end the relationship just be clear and firm in telling him “I am not happy and don’t want to be in a relationship anymore” he will try and argue or beg or whatever, so you tell him “you speak to me like shit. I waited for that to change, but I’m worth more than this, it’s over”

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 13/05/2024 07:35

@mumma2698 you did the right thing because you put you and your baby first when he was being verbally abusive which would have been very scary to a baby. He isn’t a good person to be around and I would start with never letting him in your car again. His behaviour is actually dangerous and could cause a crash. It would be better for your baby for you to spend time with her without him distracting you and causing issues.

Whatamuckykitchen · 13/05/2024 20:27

Agree with the bottom of my trosers post as much as you need. He will lure you back in, manipulate you to feel guilty, all sorts. Listen to dr ramani on you tube, and read up A Lot on abusive behaviors in relationships.
when I first started looking it was confusing as only extreme examples were used, and I thought,‘but my partner doesn’t hit me etc’ so that can’t be right it must be me. Dr ramani explains the much simpler every day tactics.
it might be good to keep a diary. I was suprised how much we actually rowed, and what started it, and his reaction to it.
you’ve got this.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 14/05/2024 07:49

Keeping a diary is a great idea. Log every interaction you have with him. Time, date, what sparked the argument, what he said, how he behaved, what you did to keep you and your baby safe. Helpful to keep a log should the police, social services etc get involved, but it’s mostly for your own sanity so you can get a handle on what is really happening.

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