Online dating - he disappeared

[strawberries79]

I spent months talking to a guy and we went on around 7 dates. Then he stopped talking with me. I found it quite jarring as we had spent a lot of time chatting and opening up about our lives. Things were starting to pick up pace. He said he could really see us developing into something special. Then nothing. It's been a few weeks now. He's in his 40s! Not married. He's still very active on the dating apps, so hasn't met anyone he's serious about, I would assume. Is this common? I've never had a man disappear on me without a trace and it's quite horrible. I obviously won't reach out to him.

Did you even ever meet this guy?

Abducted by aliens? Split personality disorder? Part of discharge planning program from psychiatric hospital?
Honestly, there seems to be no end to the craziness out there.
It's awful, OP, but there's really nothing for it except to chalk it up, distract yourself and MOVE ON.

Dr. ShrubRose prescribes a good book, a great Netflix series, a terrific take-away and forgetting about this loser.

Married

That too.

He's definitely not married.

Yes I met him 7 times and we spoke very regularly. I visited his home and workplace.

Christ, it's literally the first sentence, is it that hard to read the post before posting unhelpful crap?

Ok not interested

Ah well, now you know why he’s single. He’s unreliable and a flake.

Its not you, it’s him.

He’s faked a personality with you and run out of steam.

Sadly there’s a lot like that in OLD. Probably had a few women on the go spinning them all the same BS lines.

I honestly think there’s a lot of men out there who don’t actually want a partner, they just want the thrill of the chase then lose interest

BFF did OLD for several months. She finally met someone nice after about 40 dates, but the stories she was telling about some of these guys could curl your hair.

Ugh I hate this. It’s actually really rude. 7 dates is quite a lot, that must be over more than 2 months?!

I usually send a message ‘ending’ things (even though it’s obv already ended) to make myself feel a bit better about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ Then the swiping begins again!

40 dates!! Well done her for persevering. I’ve had about 8 first dates and bored already 🤣

Yes, she's pretty tough.

@strawberries79
I spent months talking to a guy and we went on around 7 dates.

More seriously, OP - wondering if you spent months talking to him before the actual in-person dating started - ?

ShrubRose no

Did you have sex with him? Unfortunately it’s quite common for men to vanish after sex or equally they can disappear when they’re not getting sex as early on as they’d like

Tamigotxh yes

Well that’s especially disrespectful that he’s just ghosted you then, but again it’s not a rare phenomenon. Never has been sadly and it’s not limited to men you meet OLD.

I had this once with a guy I was seeing that I met in a former job, I didn’t sleep with him but we’d spent a lot of time together over a period of months and he just suddenly started blocking my calls. I know he was blocking me because I called from a withheld number once and he answered. Otherwise it would ring out.

When he picked up from the withheld number I just put the phone down and cried. I was gutted to have it confirmed he was blocking me /ignoring calls from my number but I just left him to it. It sucked at the time, but it’s just one of those things.

Many moons ago, I went out with a chap I’d met online. We saw each other a few times; he came round to my house, we went out a few times, and eventually I went to his and stayed the night - and that was it. I actually persevered and said please get in touch even if it’s just to tell me to get lost - he sent me an E-mail and said he thought we were “incompatible”. Fair enough - but why couldn’t he just have said so instead of blanking me? It seems bizarre to me, but all I can say to you, OP, is that clearly this guy you’ve been seeing thinks that as far as you’re concerned, he’s come to the end of the line. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

sesquipedalian I guess what my post missed out was how excited this guy was about me over those months. The last time I saw him he was super excited, animated and everything. He'd put in a lot of effort. He told me how happy I made him. He wasn't love bombing and it was legit. He wasn't faking it. The whole thing is just totally, totally bonkers to me. If he had been lukewarm, fair enough.

Tamigotxh how horrible! what a coward.

Yes it was pretty cowardly. I sent him texts giving him the chance to break it off properly and he just ignored them.

The last phone chat I had with him before he ghosted me, I’d been telling him how sensitive I was when I started falling for a guy.

Looking back I now think he didn’t see me as a long term option so on hearing that he got scared that he’d hurt me. So he ditched me asap for my “own good” as he probably saw it, before we got in too deep.

Thing is I’d already kind of fallen for him so it really hurt. We got along great..or so I thought.

If he wanted to dump me fine but there were definitely better ways to do it. Silly man but I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. I never saw him irl again but I did see him a year later in a video on BBC the social which was interesting lol

It is really weird & unsettling how you can be relatively close to someone and they can just switch any feelings off and walk wordlessly out of your life.

But time is a healer I’m over it now and I’m sure in time you will too.

He wasn't love bombing and it was legit.

But future fakers are very convincing although you seen sure he was legit, these men are very good at spinning the same BS lines and sounding plausible.

SamW98 yeah I get what you mean, I'm a very seasoned dater tho and have been love bombed more times than I can count! this guy wasn't that, nor was he a player. wish he was!