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Original poster

DH using Grindr?

42 replies

juliesambush · 10/05/2024 22:32

Hi all,

This wed, i was taking the kids to school and my DH had left his phone in the cup holder in my car. I picked up the phone as it was playing notifications and i found an app called "Grinder" on it. i looked it up and it was a gay dating app. I was glob as nothing had indicated he was cheating on me or even gay/bisexual.

I spoke to him today and what he said has been on my mind for hours. He said that one of his friends put the app on his phone as a joke. His friends are quite out there and we've had conversations about them before being OTT. i'm not quite sure who to believe as he said he loves me and would never do such a thing.

i checked his phone after as he leaves it on charge in the kitchen before going to work (admittedly i should not have) and he still hasn't deleted the app. Am i being crazy for taking this too seriously or is this a genuine red flag 🚩🚩🚩?

Thank you

OP posts:
inneedofaglowup · 10/05/2024 22:33

Is this for real. If not then what can I possibly suggest. He's gay? He's experimenting? He's bi? Either way this isn't good.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2024 22:34

Red Flag City. No straight man has the Grindr app on their phone.

Original poster
juliesambush · 10/05/2024 22:35

inneedofaglowup · 10/05/2024 22:33

Is this for real. If not then what can I possibly suggest. He's gay? He's experimenting? He's bi? Either way this isn't good.

I'm not even sure at this point, considering spending some time away so i can think

OP posts:
Yetanothernamechangeagain · 10/05/2024 22:37

If it’s an iphone you could go into settings and storage and find out when he last used it? Doesn’t look good

beefmassaman · 10/05/2024 22:38

He's using the old 'my friends are responsible for this jape' shit.

I'm sorry. But if the app is on his phone then he's looking for gay sex.

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/05/2024 22:38

It's funny how many men blame their friends when gay apps are found on their phones.

Neodymium · 10/05/2024 22:41

If he’s getting notifications then he’s using it.

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 10/05/2024 22:41

Doesn’t look good at all

if friends added he would of deleted it ffs. Friends indeed

you also need got an STI check too

Devilsmommy · 10/05/2024 22:43

Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2024 22:34

Red Flag City. No straight man has the Grindr app on their phone.

1 million% this

Coldfinch · 10/05/2024 22:44

Can you get the App and try and see if his profile pops up? @juliesambush

Original poster
juliesambush · 10/05/2024 22:45

Coldfinch · 10/05/2024 22:44

Can you get the App and try and see if his profile pops up? @juliesambush

Good idea, i cant really trust him clearly right now so i'll do it

OP posts:
BranchGold · 10/05/2024 22:47

Most of the men my gay friend meets on Grindr are ‘straight’ married men.

can you actually access his account/messages?

TreesWelliesKnees · 10/05/2024 22:48

It doesn't look good. Have you noticed any other signs he might be cheating?

beefmassaman · 10/05/2024 22:48

@juliesambush It would be decent sleuthing, but honestly....what's the point? You know that if he has the app and he's getting notifications then he's active on there and he's up to no good, right? His friends didn't add the app, he did. Because he wants cock. Is that okay with you? Because for me it would be marriage over right now and I could never forgive him.

Original poster
juliesambush · 10/05/2024 22:50

beefmassaman · 10/05/2024 22:48

@juliesambush It would be decent sleuthing, but honestly....what's the point? You know that if he has the app and he's getting notifications then he's active on there and he's up to no good, right? His friends didn't add the app, he did. Because he wants cock. Is that okay with you? Because for me it would be marriage over right now and I could never forgive him.

Honestly -- it's not even the thought of him being gay but the thought he betrayed me to cheat on me for someone else ?? We've had incidents with cheating but this was 20+ years ago. Once a cheater always a cheater i guess.

OP posts:
flosset · 10/05/2024 22:52

I would ask (demand) him to let you use his phone and go into the app to look at profile and messages. My friend is gay and uses Grindr and says it is full of married men seeking discreet sex. Sorry if this freaks you out but if it was a joke from his mates like he said he will have no bother showing you

cheshirebloke · 10/05/2024 22:53

If it was his mates playing a prank, then that implies he and they would all be embarrassed to have it (otherwise it wouldn't be much of a prank), as would most straight men. And they'd delete it sharpish. Plus, how/why is he getting notifications? That would only happen if he's actively swiping and communicating with people. And if it really was a prank that's another reason he'd have removed it (or at least hidden/removed his profile).

I'm sorry, but I think you need to brace yourself in anticipation of discovering his secret double life.

beefmassaman · 10/05/2024 22:54

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it's awful. For me, being cheated on would be a huge kick in the gut. But finding out it's with a man/men would be impossible to recover from. It's not just cheating, it's lying about who you intrinsically are as a human being. The thought of my husband having sex with me and thinking about another woman would be crippling, but to think they are going through the motions and really desiring cock...

0w1 · 10/05/2024 22:57

It'd probably traumatise you to set up a profile and mok for his.

Original poster
juliesambush · 10/05/2024 22:59

Understandable. i think i might seek eventual divorce/councilling

OP posts:
Original poster
juliesambush · 10/05/2024 23:00

beefmassaman · 10/05/2024 22:54

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it's awful. For me, being cheated on would be a huge kick in the gut. But finding out it's with a man/men would be impossible to recover from. It's not just cheating, it's lying about who you intrinsically are as a human being. The thought of my husband having sex with me and thinking about another woman would be crippling, but to think they are going through the motions and really desiring cock...

As i said it's not even that he cheated with a man it's just the fact he CHEATED period

OP posts:
beefmassaman · 10/05/2024 23:01

Why 'eventual' divorce? Why wait? Kick him in to the gutter now, he's betrayed you belong belief.

Dadjoke007 · 11/05/2024 00:48

I get the mates joke thing, could see that happening in my group. But had that happened I would come back and tell my wife about the funny thing we did.

the notification thing bothers me. But, again, if that was me I would have deleted app as soon as you found it not keep it. So could be what he said.

the only way to know is to go into the app and see what messages have been sent. Or profile setup. Personally though he sounds guilty.

Mmhmmn · 11/05/2024 00:53

Sorry OP. He is taking the piss right out of you. Lying, cheating scumbag. Get yourself an STI test, some legal advice, and a divorce.

strangewomenlyinginponds · 11/05/2024 00:58

No straight man would go within a million miles of that app. He's gay or bi snd he's cheating.

Get yourself tested and get some legal and financial advice ASAP.