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Original poster

DH using Grindr?

42 replies

juliesambush · 10/05/2024 22:32

Hi all,

This wed, i was taking the kids to school and my DH had left his phone in the cup holder in my car. I picked up the phone as it was playing notifications and i found an app called "Grinder" on it. i looked it up and it was a gay dating app. I was glob as nothing had indicated he was cheating on me or even gay/bisexual.

I spoke to him today and what he said has been on my mind for hours. He said that one of his friends put the app on his phone as a joke. His friends are quite out there and we've had conversations about them before being OTT. i'm not quite sure who to believe as he said he loves me and would never do such a thing.

i checked his phone after as he leaves it on charge in the kitchen before going to work (admittedly i should not have) and he still hasn't deleted the app. Am i being crazy for taking this too seriously or is this a genuine red flag 🚩🚩🚩?

Thank you

OP posts:
Tdawg1989 · 11/05/2024 01:32

juliesambush · 10/05/2024 22:32

Hi all,

This wed, i was taking the kids to school and my DH had left his phone in the cup holder in my car. I picked up the phone as it was playing notifications and i found an app called "Grinder" on it. i looked it up and it was a gay dating app. I was glob as nothing had indicated he was cheating on me or even gay/bisexual.

I spoke to him today and what he said has been on my mind for hours. He said that one of his friends put the app on his phone as a joke. His friends are quite out there and we've had conversations about them before being OTT. i'm not quite sure who to believe as he said he loves me and would never do such a thing.

i checked his phone after as he leaves it on charge in the kitchen before going to work (admittedly i should not have) and he still hasn't deleted the app. Am i being crazy for taking this too seriously or is this a genuine red flag 🚩🚩🚩?

Thank you

When I use grinder it’s mostly just to try to find a man to have gay sex with.

Spratt · 11/05/2024 02:03

How do you download apps on someone’s phone as a ‘joke’ anyway? Everyone uses Face ID or at the very least, a passcode.

QueenBitch666 · 11/05/2024 02:06

He's after gay shags. Get an STI test asap

uncomfortablydumb53 · 11/05/2024 02:19

Even if his friends " somehow" got into his phone, he would be horrified and delete immediately surely?
If he's getting notifications he's actively using it. I'm really sorry.
IME " Leopards don't change their spots" is true
Book an STI check and initiate divorce proceedings

FaeryRing · 11/05/2024 02:32

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/05/2024 22:38

It's funny how many men blame their friends when gay apps are found on their phones.

Yes, my friends ex said the same thing, it’s the stock response when they get caught

sorry op 😔

FuckTheClubUp · 11/05/2024 02:58

So his friends downloaded an app where men meet up for gay sex and he’s just kept the app on his phone? Did they also create a profile for him because how is he getting notifications? Bullshit

SeriaMau · 11/05/2024 04:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Abi86 · 11/05/2024 05:07

Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…

yeah, his excuse is pretty thin for lots of reasons.

Nicole1111 · 11/05/2024 07:56

Not sure how it works but if you go in his email account and searcher grinder I wonder if you’ll see more of the types of notifications he’s getting and be able to tell if he’s interacting with it?

Xenoi24 · 11/05/2024 08:04

He said that one of his friends put the app on his phone as a joke.

That sounds like the very old and well used "it's my friend's porn/cigarettes/drugs", "it's a prank" excuse that kids and teenagers use.

I think if you were aware your mates had put a gay dating app on your phone, you'd remove it as soon as you could.

There are a lot of in the closet gay and bi men, I'd say that's more probable.

I'd get myself a grindr profile and see if I could find him. Though he may not have pic, I suppose.

Xenoi24 · 11/05/2024 08:06

Did they also create a profile for him because how is he getting notifications?

Oh I missed the notifications part initially.

Yeah, so his pranking mates took the time to in stall an app on his phone, set up a profile ..and he hasn't bothered removing either, or even muting the notifications.

Xenoi24 · 11/05/2024 08:09

We've had incidents with cheating but this was 20+ years ago. Once a cheater always a cheater i guess.

Often the case.

And "I love you and I'd never do such a thing" is less than convincing, coming from a man whom cheated on you.

20 yrs ago ... Maybe he got better at covering it up

0w1 · 11/05/2024 08:10

It's ok to be angrier that he is looking for gay shags imo. Did he marry you knowing that he was open to/going to be hankering after gay shags?

Many people fall over themselves to say that they regard infidelity as infidelity full stop. Sex immaterial. But there is an extra layer of betrayal that comes from questioning if he lied about his sexuality from day 1, were you used to create a paint by numbers facade?

I'd have the normal hurt and anger with an extral layer on top if the husband (I don't have!) cheated on me with men. Not even one man, bit just ..men

So much worse

Xenoi24 · 11/05/2024 08:14

So much worse

Gay men who do casual/hookup etc sex also tend to do it in very promiscuous, high risk ways. Cottaging, dogging, gay saunas, glory holes There's a greater likelihood of condoms breaking during anal sex too (if they're even used).

I wouldn't touch a man you've found indication of being on a gay hookup site with a barge pole with multiple condoms on the end. I'd get an STD screening asap.

Xenoi24 · 11/05/2024 08:16

I should emphasise that all cheaters are an STD risk.

But some practices of gay hookup sex strike me as particularly risky.

BigDahliaFan · 11/05/2024 08:19

Sat with a gay friend in a National Trust tea room once, filled with families, while he showed me all the nearby profiles on grinder. Lots of married men on grinder.

FiatEarth · 11/05/2024 09:13

Another post that I've read before?

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