How can I help someone with massive cocaine problem

[Anonynonnon]

Or can't I?

DSis finally admitted to cocaine addiction a few months ago after a long time lying - lots of strange behaviour, lying to and then breaking up with her partner, many money worries (disappearing money, borrowing for spurious reasons, disappearing valuables which turn out to have been sold). I can't believe we didn't see it but she denied and denied. She's blown tens, maybe hundreds, of thousands of pounds. After her break up DSis moved in with our elderly mum and kept doing coke for a year before the confession saying she wants to get clean. In the last few months she's had two big relapses - on pay day withdrawing all her money and spending it all on coke. Most of her nose has fallen out. I don't know how's she's held on to her current job. I'm worried she's going to have a heart attack.

She's going to NA but how can I help with these binges? She has a few drinks then blows hundreds on coke before being off it until next pay day. I've suggested she stop drinking. Easier said than done.

I'm so worried about my mum. She's so stressed and bailing DSis out buying back her remaining stuff from the pawn shop. She's too old for this crap. She's stopped doing things she enjoys because she's so worried about DSis.

Is there other help available? Would the GP do any good? DSis is at least being honest with my mum although not answering the phone to me. Am very worried about how ashamed she feels and her very fragile mental health.

Thanks for reading.

I personally don't think you can.

All our friends take coke regularly and so did we before we started trying for a baby. I've not touched it since.

It's hard when all your mates are doing it unless you take yourself away completely.

That's my personal opinion.

I rarely see my friends now because they can't even just go for a social drink without doing it.

You can't. It is wholly and completely out of your hands. The only thing you can do is set your own boundaries and protect yourself.

There are organisations and programmes for friends and family of addicts, which you might find helpful. https://www.nar-anon.co.uk/

This, unfortunately.

I think your mum runs the risk of enabling her addiction. I think she should stop buying stuff back from the pawnshop etc.

I wouldn't focus on your sister, but on helping your mum, getting her to support groups for the families of addicts and that sort of thing, if you can. Make sure that the support given to your sister is actually the right kind, which might at some point be letting her fall.

The absolute misery caused by county lines drug dealing here in the UK and the entire chain of cocaine production around the world. And you talk about it like this, so casual. You should be ashamed of yourself.

You cant

This is all on them to attend rehab and put things in place

Why should I be ashamed of myself?

Unfortunately, that's the reality. It's everywhere.

@TheAirbender why should she be ashamed of herself? This is her experience- and they no longer touch it. It is a very common thing, be that unfortunate or not.

Just because it’s everywhere doesn’t mean you get a pass to create more demand for an industry that destroys lives and creates untold misery! Jeez.

It’s a really shitty, despicable thing to do, and talking about it so lightly only serves to ‘normalise’ something that utterly ruins lives.

Your sister can get therapy or go to rehab but she needs to fund this. There's nothing you can do other than support your mum and encourage her to get help.

This is such a judgy not needed comment, you have no idea as to why this person used to use cocaine. Life is not black and white, plenty of people do things others wouldn’t do. Now I don’t take drugs and have never been into drugs, however I’ve known a lot of people addicted to a few different drugs, all of those people started when young and going through some really tough times, taking drugs as others around them did made them feel good for a small amount of time. Before they knew it they were taking more and more to feel a little better about their lives more often.

what ever happened to be kind? Or are we all free to be judgy know it alls with the anonymity of the internet?

You can't OP. I've known two addicts (one on coke) and they need to hit rock-bottom and realise it's going to kill them, before some of them find the strength to stop.

You need to protect yourself and your mum, and let her self destruct. She will reject any offer of help that involves stopping until she genuinely frightens herself.

I am so sorry but really you cannot help your sister. You can point her in the direction of where she can get help but it does sound like she needs to deal with her drinking first.

Do you mean your mother is buying back your mother's items. If so I would take any value items that your sister could pawn that mean a lot to your mother to your place and store. It might be time for your sister to get her own place.

@trampoline123 i really commend you for being so open and honest about your own past.

ive also known people who take coke/used to take coke, stopping for a child and staying off of it is absolutely brilliant, not everyone does. I don’t mean any of this patronising (I hope it didn’t seem that way)

edit I tagged wrong person before, sorry about that

I’m not judging the addicts, I have loved one. I’m judging the occasional users who normalise and trivialise using coke, as if the lives it destroys are less important than their weekend jollies.

Be there AFTER she hits rock bottom and wants help, until then nothing you can do except stop enabling - all the family, as mentioned by PP, go to support for families of addicts to see that enabling is NOT helping.

You cant
support your mum to see that she is aiding the addiction

It is normalised around the UK though, it's really really common. Probably the easiest class a to get hold of

@TheAirbender you're being a bit narrow minded, people on it don't think about that because there having fun.

Unfortunately, it is very normal amongst my age group - that's my reality. I know very few ppl who don't take it.

This isn't helping the poster, stick to the point please.

Thank you although I wasn’t referring to myself - it was a loved one. Our family has seen the hell of county lines/grooming and young drug addiction.

I have zero time for the ‘everyone does it’ crowd.

sorry to the Op though, I seem to have derailed your thread. My apologies for that. I hope your sister recovers.

You have no idea if the other lady was an addict of an occasional user, you also state in a reply to the lady that creating demand for it is so wrong, an addict creates demand far more than an occasional user. Alcohol is horrific to many people but I bet you or someone you knows fuels the alcohol demand by occasionally (or regularly) buying alcohol

Well they fucking should think about it! Fucking hell. 🙄

Shes lost part of her nose? Fucking hell

Many things are addictive, of course. But Alcohol is delivered to your home by Tesco, not by a network of vulnerable, coerced and abused teenagers.