What does this mean?

[Girlmum23]

So basically my partner has been caught multiple times speaking to his ex partners and alot more other things. I know in my head I should have left ages ago. I found out about some messages between them again and trying to work out the meaning behind it or what others may think. Conversation goes..

Guess what?
What?
I'm pregnant and (their partner's name) has had the snip, I have some explaining to do.
C**t, I hate you hahahaha.

Does that imply they have slept together recently? Like I don't understand why reply I hate you haha if there's no chance of it being about them two. Or am I just thinking way too much into it.

It sounds to me like she is saying she got him pregnant because her partner has had a vasectomy so she said she hated him?

Wtf is this real? Why are you still with this specimen????

This.
It appears as if she's saying your partner got her pregnant.

Dump him

“And a lot more other things…”

This person is clearly not treating you well, whether he has fathered a baby with another woman or not.

The fact you do not trust him and believe he may have impregnated someone else tells you all you need to know.

Have you asked yourself why you stay?

Consider writing a thorough pros and cons list somewhere secure in your phone, add to it as needed as the days go by… sleep on your observations for a while, and make a decision.

DO NOT stay due to fear of loneliness, low self esteem, financial concerns, or shared children… nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than being disrespected and mistreated on a daily basis by a so called “partner”. That situation will suck the life out of you and extinguish any light you ever had. There’s no need to saddle yourself with this.

Don’t be afraid, the water’s fine.

Find your pride, find your anger, reclaim your dignity.
They were and are always there, you just need to dig deep to access them.

No you aren't thinking too much into it.
They've been having sex. And probably it's him that got her pregnant - you obviously don't know how many sexual partners she has.

It sounds like she is joking around about being pregnant because her partner has had the snip.However it does suggest they have slept together.

Honestly I have no idea why I'm still with him. She said it as a joke as far as I'm aware, I don't think she is pregnant but the fact it was joked about to me states they have slept together recently. My friend said she took it the same way.

The girl is married but my partner told me she has cheated on her partner with him before me and my partner got together.

Alot more things like I've found screenshots of dating sites, him looking up escorts in the local area. I have no other evidence as I couldn't get into his dating account to see anything and I think he's now deleted it.

I've stayed because I genuinely thought he would change. We have a 7 month old baby, I stupidly thought he'd change but clearly not.

I will do the pros and cons bit! I've been writing down in my notes everything I've found out he's been doing, trouble is every time I bring anything up, he turns it on me tells me I'm manipulative, then normally says I'm the reason he does these things ( I know I'm not, I've never done anything apart from support him).

I do feel like I've completely lost myself, I'm very strong headed and will always stand up for myself, which I think he hates, but I've still been the idiot that's stayed. I've been focusing on our baby as she is my main priority and always will be. I just need to learn to walk away!

Sorry I don't know how to reply to each person! Thank you for replies!

What made you believe he would change?

It's obvious you should leave him.

What's the financial situation like? It wouldn't surprise me if you are funding his lifestyle.

He's always promising to sort his life out, we argue don't speak for a few days and then he completely changes in a good way, acts like a decent partner, spends time with our little one and things seem happy and normal. Then something happens again within a few weeks or months. I think he does it to sweeten me up so I'd stay to then just go back to his ways.

Yeah I financially pay for everything, I'm on maternity leave atm, he's paid about 2 months rent and that's it.

Why is he still entertaining women he slept with in past?That itself doesn't sit well with me.

Oh ffs, I knew it! Come on, OP, get some gumption. Kick him out of the house and claim child maintenance. What kind of life do you want to live?

Most important thing to remember, watch the actions not the words.
His actions will tell you the truth of the situation.

Your inaction is speaking volumes to him, too.

People can change yes, but it takes a lot of dedicated serious work, therapy, reading, attending groups and workshops… otherwise it’s a load of hot air to keep you quiet for a while.

It’s all about actions.

Right.

There isn’t really anything here for you to salvage.

I would imagine off loading his dead weight would save you some money and domestic labour?

It’s a no brainer really.

You can encourage a relationship between him and his child without you having to maintain him.

It's just so sad OP that you are so aware of what he is like, how appallingly he behaves. You know he has spells of being a decent partner just to sweeten you. And yet you are still with him?
If nothing else you owe it to your little girl not to teach her that this is the normal way women should be treated in a relationship.

I really need to, I know I'm an idiot. I always have too much faith in people until it comes a point where enough is enough (which should have been a long time ago)

Why do you keep looking for more proof? You have enough, all there is to do now is kick him out. You actually fund this man? That is insane and very desperate. You might think you are strong-minded, but your life shows otherwise. Knowing things are wrong and complaining is not sticking up for yourself, its not being strong, anyone can recognise problems. Taking action by ending the relationship is the strong part, and it sounds like you are well overdue doing that. I hope you find the strength, because so far, you've just let him walk all over you.
If you've ever got the feeling he's engineered an argument out of nowhere, it's because he has. These will be the times he wants an excuse to get the opportunity to see others and back off from you for a few days, then he comes back all sweet after he's had his fun, while you're thinking he just needed a bit of time away after arguing.

Honestly no clue, I've stated I don't agree with it time and time again but his response is I'm doing nothing wrong. Yet he complains if I speak to male work colleagues!

Well the pro’s list will be a short one. Come on OP find your self respect and kick this lying cheating freeloading cocklodging piece of shit to the gutter where he belongs.

And going forward remember actions are everything, words mean nothing. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Hes shown you repeatedly he’s scum - he won’t ever change its who he is.

His actions and words are the complete opposite, mostly always has been. I always used to argue back, complain etc and he doesn't even know I've seen these messages or the dating bits etc. I haven't said a word as he twists it on me every time. He does therapy sessions on the phone, he seems to know right from wrong but can never act correctly.

No I think we are beyond the point of this relationship getting any better. Oh god yeah it would save me money in some ways and I do everything at home too because " he works " which I agree with if he was paying to support us both, but he's not doing either.

Oh wow so not only is he a cheat but a massive cocklodger!

I don't mean to be harsh but how have you been so gullible to think this man is it?

Please don't teach your precious child that this idiot is the kind of man you should model relationships on. She will grow up thinking this is normal and the cycle will repeat. Please do yourself the biggest favour, for you and your daughter and get rid of the trousersnake in your house. He sounds absolutely vile. And on top of it all then blames you for it all?

Show yourself this so called strength you have and boot him out, yesterday!

It's strange to explain but yeah I know right from wrong, I stick up for myself, support me and my daughter. But I've just never seemed to be able to walk away, I've suggested living separately before I found out these other things, he said he would leave and never did. Stupidly I know it's because I do everything, he has a home he doesn't have to pay for and definitely agree I don't want her to grow up thinking it's normal.

My ex was the same, always getting calls and messages from women he slept with in the past ,he would claim they are still friends and had the audacity to answer to them whilst I was in the same room. He wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed,the conversations were as if he was still sleeping with them.Its a narcissistic behaviour,I would contact women's aid so they can help you get through this ,he needs leave ,it will only get worse if you stay with him.

I did think that myself, no matter how much proof I gain he will always have an excuse so tbh I have no idea. Okay thankyou for that, I do see where you're coming from and I do agree yes I have let him walk all over me. He does sometimes cause arguements and disappear but most of the time he sent me his location, in a way I don't think he would physically cheat, he maybe just likes the attention and thrill of it. But obviously I can't guarantee that.

It means he is disrespectful and doesn't value you and your relationship. Dump the leech to preserve your mental health, dignity and finances