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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What does this mean?

35 replies

Girlmum23 · 07/05/2024 10:12

So basically my partner has been caught multiple times speaking to his ex partners and alot more other things. I know in my head I should have left ages ago. I found out about some messages between them again and trying to work out the meaning behind it or what others may think. Conversation goes..

Guess what?
What?
I'm pregnant and (their partner's name) has had the snip, I have some explaining to do.
C**t, I hate you hahahaha.

Does that imply they have slept together recently? Like I don't understand why reply I hate you haha if there's no chance of it being about them two. Or am I just thinking way too much into it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Girlmum23 · 07/05/2024 11:16

SamW98 · 07/05/2024 11:03

Well the pro’s list will be a short one. Come on OP find your self respect and kick this lying cheating freeloading cocklodging piece of shit to the gutter where he belongs.

And going forward remember actions are everything, words mean nothing. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Hes shown you repeatedly he’s scum - he won’t ever change its who he is.

Of my head I could think about 2 pros so you're right! Hahaha you said it so well!

He's always shown it and tbh he's exes that I have spoken to have all said the same, he was toxic etc. but yet at the start he typically told me they was all crazy

OP posts:
MILTOBE · 07/05/2024 11:16

Did your parents have a good relationship? Did you grow up seeing good relationships? Do you have any friends where you think they've married a really, really decent man? If so, do you think any of them would behave like that?

SamW98 · 07/05/2024 11:17

Girlmum23 · 07/05/2024 11:16

Of my head I could think about 2 pros so you're right! Hahaha you said it so well!

He's always shown it and tbh he's exes that I have spoken to have all said the same, he was toxic etc. but yet at the start he typically told me they was all crazy

Show quote history

The minute they tell you their ex was crazy it’s the biggest red flag going.

Amazing how many cocklodging freeloaders all claim to have toxic exes - no mate it’s you

Original poster
Girlmum23 · 07/05/2024 11:21

Namechange666 · 07/05/2024 11:06

Oh wow so not only is he a cheat but a massive cocklodger!

I don't mean to be harsh but how have you been so gullible to think this man is it?

Please don't teach your precious child that this idiot is the kind of man you should model relationships on. She will grow up thinking this is normal and the cycle will repeat. Please do yourself the biggest favour, for you and your daughter and get rid of the trousersnake in your house. He sounds absolutely vile. And on top of it all then blames you for it all?

Show yourself this so called strength you have and boot him out, yesterday!

Edited

Pretty much!

Honestly no clue, even typing all this I'm thinking to myself Jesus if I read someone saying this I'd be telling them to leave instantly, in the situation I know it's not as easy (for some people)

Last thing I want is her growing up damaged because of him, and yeah literally no matter what's ever happened it's twisted on me. If I ask why he's spoken to an ex, he says you can speak to your male work friends. It's completely different, I've never spoke to anyone who I've had any physical or emotional connection too since we have been together, his excuse for downloading a dating app last year was he thought I was on it! Yet he was speaking to girls on there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Girlmum23 · 07/05/2024 11:24

MILTOBE · 07/05/2024 11:16

Did your parents have a good relationship? Did you grow up seeing good relationships? Do you have any friends where you think they've married a really, really decent man? If so, do you think any of them would behave like that?

My parents were together until I was 16, my mum cheated and moved out. We see eachother still. 2 of my good friends are in great relationships, house together, ones got kids, their partner' financially support them AND helps with the kids. And no way, both my friends dislike my partner, said I can do so much better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Girlmum23 · 07/05/2024 11:26

SamW98 · 07/05/2024 11:17

The minute they tell you their ex was crazy it’s the biggest red flag going.

Amazing how many cocklodging freeloaders all claim to have toxic exes - no mate it’s you

Show quote history

That's good to hear as I've never stated any of my exes were crazy, there's no need to mention or speak to them in my eyes.

Everything he calls me like manipulative, nasty and says I play games... Literally I'm like are you speaking about yourself mate

OP posts:
Original poster
Girlmum23 · 07/05/2024 12:08

Justanaveragemother · 07/05/2024 11:11

My ex was the same, always getting calls and messages from women he slept with in the past ,he would claim they are still friends and had the audacity to answer to them whilst I was in the same room. He wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed,the conversations were as if he was still sleeping with them.Its a narcissistic behaviour,I would contact women's aid so they can help you get through this ,he needs leave ,it will only get worse if you stay with him.

Show quote history

Oh wow! I can't believe he would answer with you around. Did you ever find out if he was just friends or actually sleeping with them still? As I know people say they can be friends still but surely it's awkward unless there's something still there between them. I've said a few times he's narcissistic but then tells me I am. I spend my days looking after our daughter, the house work etc, baby groups and seeing friends (female). And all I've ever asked is him to be honest and loyal.

OP posts:
newyearsresolurion · 07/05/2024 13:48

Pack his bags and change locks.

Namechange666 · 07/05/2024 19:56

I really hope you realise you deserve better. It's not even like you need him, you're paying for everything.

If you only had a year left to live, would you give your treasured time left to this man? Would he appreciate that time you gave him?

Think of all headspace you're giving him, that could be spent in peace and on your daughter. Imagine never having to worry if you're being cheated on again. In your own home with no cheap, gaslighting person. It would be bliss.

Treacletreacle · 07/05/2024 20:09

Please do it now for the sake of your daughter. I wasted 17 years on a man who didn't respect me and cheated on me. I didn't know why i stayed when he constantly disrespect me, gaslight me made me think i was going crazy. Everything i confronted him with he had an excuse..."Oh i might have gone to her house, doesn't mean i did anything", 🙄 what dropping a library book off at 1am was you??? Now after cheating on me again!!! and lying about it for over a year im finally broke. I don't know who i am anymore all because his broken me over the years. I feel like he kept me in a cage with his controlling ways then he finally opened the doors and expected me to fly. Don't be a boiling frog like i was. Please get out to show your daughter that this isn't normal. Take control. I wish you all the luck. Xx

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