Told me to give my food to his mum

[butterflywingss]

I am currently pregnant and have been feeling unwell and also really struggling with food etc. My dh decided to invite his mum & nephew over to stay for 4 days (I could have done with no visitors). Yesterday I was quite hungry while at church and after service they were providing snacks. I lined up and got myself a muffin and he also got himself something (which I didn't even see him get) His dm was not in sight at that time and then when we got to her, my DH was eating away at his food and turns to me in front of his mum and goes "Can you give that to my mum" as I was taking a bite and he turns again and goes to me, " why are you not giving it to her, you eat all the time". I was left shocked tbh and I still haven't spoken with him since.

I messaged him while we were walking and addressed that a man to ask his pregnant wife to give her food to his mum while eating away at his own, is absolutely vile.

He has now blamed me for "ruining" his time with them and takes 0 accountability and has yet to apologise or realise how much he's hurt me.

When his mum got here, we were all talking and he was about to say something but my other DC started crying so I politely paused the convo and when I got back, I said "sorry what were you going to say" and he goes " don't interrupt I am talking with my mum now".

I don't know where this disgusting behaviour is coming from, and frankly he is making me want to pack up and leave his sad ass.

I am more venting here because I have no one to tell and I can't get over how he has treated me the last 4 days in particular.

He sounds absolutely horrible. Really really selfish and self absorbed and just plain horrible!

Is this behaviour a sudden change? Is there something else going in? He sounds completely irrational and truly horrible.

Was your MIL not capable of getting her own food? And who’s to say that she wanted what you were eating?! Did his Mum say anything either time he confronted you infront of her? My MIL would have clipped DH around the ear!

Complete arse. Why is there so many of them?

Did she take the muffin?

She's a very lovely person and she felt very awkward and when I offered half of mine she was hesitant she didn't want any. I wanted to clip him myself right there and then.

He sounds very controlling - HE decided to invite people to stay for 4 days without asking you if it was ok
AND it was while you’d been feeling unwell for a while.
AND then the food thing
AND the being very rude to you in front of his mother.
He sounds like a nasty piece of work. I’d be really considering my future with him.

I've always been a person who loves love and the last few years, he has made me feel the opposite.

This does not bode well.

I think you shoud have said.
"Oh Dick didn't get you anything ? He'll go back for you"

After he made the plans, he asked if it was ok. I said to him why ask me after you already put the arrangements in, and should have asked first thing.

Honestly, I was quite shocked by how he spoke to me and froze. Out of respect for his mum and the place I was in, I didn't want to make a scene but it was definitely obvious I was upset.

He sounds horrible. Sorry op.
Was he always like this and you just didn't notice at the time or has it escalated? Could it be something is going on that you don't know about, like job worries or something. His mum sounds nicer than him. Did she offer any insight as to why her sons turned into a bit of an ignorant prick?

He wasn't like this at all. He has moments he's so lovely but this kind of shit behaviour, I really am struggling to move past. It's even worse that I am pregnant, and would have expected more compassion. Me and MIL talk a lot and I have opened up in the past about problems but in all honesty that's her son and she's not going to bad mouth him to me. I have 3 DC with him and I feel in a really tricky position to do anything.

OP, I'm so sorry he's treating you like this.

If you were really honest with yourself, what would you like to do? X

I am very very down right now, and with these feelings I'd say I want to get away from him.

Have you got a plan?

No but the house as I live in, belongs to me anyway and if he left I would be financially ok just may not have too much of extra income for non essential stuff. However, this is not how I envisioned my life especially with small kids and another on the way. I think he needs a serious wake up call.

What a peculiar man.

Dump him, he's a cunt.

If you are married, he will try and claim 50% of your house, unless you have protected yourself very well regarding it ?

of course he will have to pay maintenance for his children, once it is decided what % of care you each go for.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

This might seem out of the blue but I bet it isn't and a lot of men only show their true colours when their partners are pregnant or had a baby because they think they've got someone trapped. This will get a thousand times worse once the baby arrives.

Did he behave this way during any of your other pregnancies? Not that it is an excuse for his behaviour in the slightest but did he want a forth child?

He sounds like a pig. Is this how he usually speaks to you? Surely his mother doesn't just stand by and say nothing while he talks to you like that? If he were my son I'd have given him an absolute bollocking. If you are financially ok without him, I'd tell him to buck his ideas up immediately or get the fuck out of your house!

She's a very lovely person and she felt very awkward and when I offered half of mine she was hesitant she didn't want any. I wanted to clip him myself right there and then.

Tbh I find her reaction really strange. Almost like she's walking g on egg shells or scared to stick up to him.

If my adult son instructed his pregnant wife to give me her food while he sat there and ate himself it would certainly be awkward. But it would be awkward from the POV that I wouldn't have missed him and he'd have been left in no doubt whatsoever as to how I felt on his behaviour. Not only would he have had a piece of my mind, I wouldn't have been taking half of the muffin and I'd be checking if his DW was ok or if she needed any support/wanted to leave.

Sounds like he has form of being a controlling bully if even his own mum barely flinches?

Yes I actually think this is true. I think he feels extremely entitled and thinks because we have kids & I am pregnant that I won't leave. When we have been in fights before he makes reference that I would be really bad off without him and that I would struggle. I borderline find that an abusive thing to say to put me down and make me feel like my life would be over without him. I may just give him the shock of his life soon.

The way I see it is, he's her favourite child and he financially has supported her many times and I guess wants to always keep him happy. Her reaction when I then tried to half with her, was like ah no it's ok please bla bla bla but I am disappointed because as a woman and as a mother you should definitely butt in. However, she always says she doesn't like to get involved etc. However, whenever he's been somewhat rude to his mum I have always stood up for her and told him a piece of my mind and to respect his mum etc. I guess I am the clown in the end.

Quite often tbh.. I come from a very sexist and misogynist culture and he does not. However, he has used the excuses of my culture to behave exactly like the kind of men I intentionally avoided ever marrying, hence marrying out of my culture. We argue a lot over the things he says and the way he thinks, I am not sure where this entitlement comes from and frankly it makes me sick!