Clare’s law and Sarah’s law

[Slightlyunnerved]

I’ve name changed for this. Last week a message was left for me at work. It was a man and he used my full name and told me to contact Clare’s law and Sarah’s law. The receptionist asked for a name, he gave my partner’s name, then the receptionist asked for his number but he hung up. No number showed up on the receptionist’s phone so I have no idea who called. I know malicious allegations have been made against my partner by his ex (police and solicitors are involved, it was all financially driven) but no charges have been brought. I’ve seen police reports stating he has no previous convictions and I do believe the allegations are purely malicious. If I did do a Clare’s law or Sarah’s law request, would it show up allegations or is it just charges? I believe it was the ex’s new partner who made the call to my workplace but I’m unnerved that they went to the effort of actually contacting my workplace. I have been with my partner for two years and I have no concerns about him whatsoever but this call has really put me on edge.

Surely it is just charges but you can find that out when/if you call. I think I'd have to..

This explains Claire’s law:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-abuse-bill-2020-factsheets/domestic-violence-disclosure-scheme-factsheet

I had a stalker once. I keep out of people’s business, including exes, but this guy is the only person on earth I wish I could warn other people about, that’s how severe it was. I would do the requests and see what it shows, for your own safety.

For reasons I can't disclose I can assure you it will show anything charged and anything under current investigation.

For your own sake please please please apply for the info and keep a safe distance from your partner until you get the information.

If its malicious fine,but if its not someone has risked being arrested to warn you. Do not take that lightly

What have you got to lose by following through with this and putting a request on? It'll either be reassurance that allegations are malicious or be the best call you ever make.

Why would you chance your own children's safety? Just do the request

Would my partner be alerted that someone has searched for him and how do the police pass on the information? Is it a phone call or do they talk to you in person?

No @Slightlyunnerved they won’t know.
make the applications to find out. If malicious then put it to rest but if not then at least you’ll know how to keep yourself safe. He won’t find out that a search has been requested. Make sure he can’t access your phone or mail.

Why does this concern you?

You need to do the request and know once and for all

Because he’s given me no reason whatsoever to doubt him and I can imagine he’d be very hurt. I’d certainly feel hurt if I were him. He’s never even so much as raised his voice to me and he’s wonderful with my kids. We don’t live together yet but we have been talking about it. I need to be clear, I really do not believe any of the allegations but someone has gone to the trouble of finding out my full name and place of work to leave this message.

Both happen. Starts as phone calls but ime they also come out to talk to you.

IF it is true and he is a danger you need to know. You need to safeguard your kids and yourself.

Think about why your concern is for his sensibility and not your childrens safety...for me. That is a flag that he ha already manipulated you and sown seeds.

I’m not concerned for any of us, he’s never given even the slightest hint that he could be violent or dangerous. If I had even an inkling that my children could be in danger I wouldn’t hesitate to do the request but it’s never even entered my head. I told him about the phone call and he also suspects his ex’s new partner, his children (both young adults) think this too. I value trust more than anything in a relationship so doing this request doesn’t sit right with me unless I tell him I’m doing it. Reading the responses I think I should do the request but I think I’ll tell him so I’m not keeping anything from him.

Better safe than sorry. Forewarned is forearmed…

If there’s nothing, whoopee!

If there’s something, this person has saved you and your children from future trauma. So many women waltz blindly into situations someone could have warned them about.

He may also be the wonderful man you think he is. Or he’s wonderful because his feet are not yet firmly under your table.

Nothing to lose in finding out.

Someone wouldn’t go to the effort of telling you to look into these laws if there wasn’t something to find.

I wouldn’t tell him. Put yourself and your kids first. After 2 years, you don’t know everything about him and regardless of what happened between him and his ex, you only know his side of the story.

My friend dated someone. Absolute charmer, no bad vibes, nothing. Great bloke.
she got a very random FB message saying similar. She did it, he'd been convicted of attacking his first wife.
She never told him, she just wound the dating down and walked away.

If you do the request and there is nothing, then absolutely fine, crack on. But at least you'd know.

What have you possibly got to lose by doing the checks?

You've clearly never been harassed. Unfortunately lots of people enjoy drama and shit-stirring and would go to these efforts just to hurt a person they don't like. That's not to say the OP shouldn't use Claire's law, although if she's seen police confirmation already that he has zero convictions then it seems more likely the guy on the phone was trying to cause trouble.

Very bold of you to make assumptions on someone you don’t know, I hope you don’t go around in life doing that.

I digress, to me… it seems very pointless to tell someone to look into something where there’s nothing to look into… so she looks it up… nothing… you got me there? What drama is created? Clare’s law was invented to protect people, funnily enough I can speak from experience, when I say a lot of the time the searches come back clear, peace of mind.

Abusive men do not "give any inkling" that they're dangerous until you are firmly hooked in by cohabitation/marriage/pregnancy.

They also always tell new partners that their ex is "crazy", and complaints against him were "malicious".

That's just the standard script. In fact, abusive men are usually exceptionally charming. They have to be to trap fresh victims and curry support from others.

So, nothing you've said in the thread rules out the idea that he could abusive.

Conversely, someone has gone to considerable effort to either sincerely warn you or maliciously worry you.

Given that Clare's Law is available, it seems a no brainer to me. A disclosure will either set your mind at rest or make you aware of real danger.

There's absolutely no downside to checking it out but it's potentially very helpful if it does reveal something.

Also, you haven't a clue if the allegations are malicious or not. You can't have.

Agree you might as well check at least if it comes back clear you know the person who rang was trouble causing or manipulated by someone.

But if they are genuine it could save you a lot of grief.

Absolutely the smartest and safest way to do it

I dated someone that gave me no reason for concern whatsoever, absolute charmer and lovely character.

Fast forward to a couple of years later he got arrested for possession of hundreds of indecent images of children.

needless to say I immediately ended the relationship but it haunts me to this day he could easily enter a new relationship with someone who would be oblivious.

Once he was convicted I went as far as contacting his long term ex girlfriend just in case there were children in her life and he got in touch. She was extremely grateful.

If I knew who this individual was in a relationship with I would 100% warn them urging them to get these checks done. I would never want another person to go through the hell that I did; let alone potentially have children around this person.

Do the checks OP.

You must be very naive if you believe that nobody is bitter and twisted enough to make False allegations about somebody else.!!