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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

"Shut your fucking mouth"

59 replies

YerGlaikit · 04/05/2024 21:17

Not sure why I'm posting. I know it's awful. It's not how he would speak to strangers, friends, let alone someone he says he loves....

In front of two young kids too. Worse.

No excuse. No explanation will support it.

He apologised, I said we needed to talk seriously about it. He got moody. He's playing with the silent treatment.

Kids are in bed and I NEED to have the conversation. It's not the first time. It won't be the last.

I'm going to keep this thread.

Need a hand hold.

OP posts:

Roundandroundthegard3n · 04/05/2024 23:14

Dadjoke007 · 04/05/2024 22:47

Seriously??? My ex and I would have both been arrested 100 times over then!! Yes we split after 22 years and argued a lot in that time, but it was also a good loving relationship for much of it - we were just very similar, easy to antagonise, stubborn, had some big bust ups but also some good times too.

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If it was that great you wouldn't be divorced.

Why are you trying to convince the op it's ok that her partner said this to her on the basis of your own failure of a relationship?

Snugglemonkey · 04/05/2024 23:14

quietlifeneeded · 04/05/2024 21:24

well we can't comment because there is no context!

What context would justify this though? It just is not how you speak to people. Or show your children how to speak to people.

Roundandroundthegard3n · 04/05/2024 23:14

Dadjoke007 · 04/05/2024 23:00

I would not call it abusive, although based on some threads on here some would have had the police called. Abusive is such a harsh term, I certainly never felt it was abusive towards me and I don't think she did either - a lot of what happened probably was in the later stages of relationship but all the other stuff was what I considered straightforward arguments. We were both never shy of swearing at each other, just the way we were.

Sometimes what I got was justified - sometimes not. Could we have communicated better - sure. Sometimes it was a specific event, others frustration over a period of time. I think a lot of it was because we were so similar and neither backed down so we often made mountains out of molehills.

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You know this thread isn't about you?

quietlifeneeded · 04/05/2024 23:17

Snugglemonkey · 04/05/2024 23:14

What context would justify this though? It just is not how you speak to people. Or show your children how to speak to people.

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have you read my previous reply? im guessing not!

MsFaversham · 04/05/2024 23:18

quietlifeneeded · 04/05/2024 21:39

even if you provolked it? MN lives in this fantasy world where all woman are superheros and all men are scum.

in the real world, you have male victims of domestic violence as much as you do female ones! women can be vile and nasty.. just as much as men can.

i like to hear both sides of an arguement before i make a decision

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I don’t how vile and nasty the person I’m in a relationship is, I wouldn’t tell them to shut their fucking mouth. If a relationship has got to that point then it really needs to end.

quietlifeneeded · 04/05/2024 23:21

MsFaversham · 04/05/2024 23:18

I don’t how vile and nasty the person I’m in a relationship is, I wouldn’t tell them to shut their fucking mouth. If a relationship has got to that point then it really needs to end.

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then you are so lucky...

MsFaversham · 04/05/2024 23:33

quietlifeneeded · 04/05/2024 23:21

then you are so lucky...

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I’m not lucky at all.

I’m sorry if people have to put up with such awful behaviour and understand it isn’t always easy to leave a relationship but it would be a red line for me. If you don’t respect your partner or they don’t respect you what is the point?

Snugglemonkey · 04/05/2024 23:33

quietlifeneeded · 04/05/2024 23:17

have you read my previous reply? im guessing not!

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I have read lots if you replying tbh. If you are on about the highly unlikely gun thing, that is pure foolishness. Both as it is far fetched, but also, it is not a good idea to antagonise an out of control man with a gun.

If you are talking about the walking away one, yes. That is exactly what I am saying. Walk away, do not expose children to this shit, do not accept a partner that does so. That is a good message.

AnonAnonmystery · 04/05/2024 23:50

This all sounds like domestic abuse op. The verbal abuse must have shocked you as it was not a measured response in what you said to him. Also the silent treatment. Read up on it, see the signs and recognise how you feel as you sound scared to me.

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