Am I wasting my time if I try internet dating?

[InShockHusbandLeaving]

I’m starting to feel as though I’d like to meet someone after my husband left me for a woman over thirty years my junior and I felt completely demoralised. I’m no longer attractive and I’m not sure that I’d have any success if I try internet dating. I’m scared I’d end up feeling even worse than I did when ex husband of many years left me. Oh, his young GF is now pregnant too so that’s made me feel even worse. I’m a grandmother and he’s starting again with babies. I mean, I don’t really envy him because babysitting my grandchild is lovely but I’m finding it hard going even though I’m not doing overnights!

Yep, it’s dire!! Get your thick skin ready, don’t take things to heart because there are a lot of awful men online.

I thought that might be the case. I’m not looking for a relationship even, just someone to occasionally do things with. Might be better off sticking with my female friends then.

I’m sure plenty of people will tell you they met the love of their life online however the reality is far from that. Give it a try but, especially since Covid, it’s horrible. You have to wade through a lot of shit, ghosting, being unmatched for nothing. It’s confidence denting but you have to realise it’s them. A lot of the guys just want quick sex and will block you if you say you don’t want that.

OP, You're probably able to remember (as am I!) what it was like trying to go out on the pull in a nightclub on a Saturday. Online dating is just the modern day equivalent. Plenty of people just after a shag, the odd gem that might turn into something more. But don't go into it expecting to find the love of your life.

I'm sorry about what happened with ex. But you can now go on and enjoy you're freedom while he's changing shitty nappies again ha!

Ill honest OP as an older woman (55) OLD is absolutely hideous. The quality of men is dire and they’re either needy and desperate, only after hook ups or want a maid cook and cleaner to wipe their arse.

All of my single friends have pretty l much given up and we have a better time with girl friends and avoiding men

Oh my goodness, I’m glad I asked before signing up!! I’ve decided not to bother. I’m so much happier without my scummy ex in my life so I certainly don’t want to get involved with another one like him, assuming even the scummiest of them would even consider me. Why are all these men so sleazy/revolting/whatever?!!

I think you're far more likely to meet men you'd want to spend time with by doing things you already enjoy - eg, volunteerjng, local history groups, sports clubs, dog walking, etc. That way you get to see them functioning in real life, and can start more natural conversations, instead of the weird forced interview situation that often arises on OLD. And if you don't meet anyone... nothing lost.

Really? I think of myself as a decent guy and not after ONS. By ex only left as her ex came back on scene but we are still close and am sure there are many genuine guys looking for a loving longer term relationship like me with nice kids, and everything in order.

as a 50yo it is tough. A lot of ghosting this side too

You don't sound ready for any kind of dating really, with all these references to your ex, and how his life is getting you down. What else can you do with your time, other than dating?

Go out with friends, have fun . Enjoy interests and hobbies. I think your life will get better and better.
Your ex, on the other hand, might quickly regret starting with the babies and a young gf again. He's soon not going to be feeling young and fun, is he?

My 20+ year relationship ended 6 months ago. My advice is to spend some time working on yourself first. What do you enjoy? What makes you happy? What kind of life do you envision for yourself? Put some thought into working this out and then planning how to make this a reality. Also, prioritise self care. Make yourself feel good inside and out. Meditating, skin care, exercise, get a nice haircut, update the wardrobe - whatever makes you feel good. Get yourself in a good place mentally before inviting another man into your life, you'll be much better equipped to insist upon a high standard from any future love interest.

OP give it a go, I met my partner online 3 years ago, he's lovely just be prepared to 'kiss a few frogs' first

Yes. It's brutal.

I wouldn't bother if you are fishing in the shallow end (like me) I'm not particularly attractive and a bit fat so my options are limited (I am funny though). Did not bring anything good to my life.

Agree with this. Build up good female friends and a social circle.

Take time out to just be free and happy with friends and enjoy the peace you’ve now got.

A few conflicting views it seems. Maybe I’m not ready to date again as Watchkeys says. I’m still pissed off with myself that my ex conducted a relationship with another woman and I never even noticed because I trusted him. I feel like a total idiot I confess because I judged him by my own standards and I’ve never wanted to cheat. I think it’s weird that he’s having a baby when he’s a grandfather five times over but I’m not envious of him. I no longer love him, or even like him though, and he doesn’t cross my mind very often these days but I thought I’d give a bit of context to my post and why I felt scared to date again.

Unfortunately, I’ve got back issues and I’m not driving at the moment so the only friends I see are very local. I suppose I feel as though I’m missing out on social things but I’m hoping to recover soon and be able to get back into my previous clubs etc.

am sure there are many genuine guys looking for a loving longer term relationship like me with nice kids, and everything in order.

Well they’re hiding pretty well then as finding even one like that is about as rare as a rainbow unicorn holding a pot of gold

However sleazy creepy wronguns are 10 a penny

After a very messy divorce at 30, I spent several years on my own learning to be be content with who I was. It was only after realising that I needed to be completely comfortable and peaceful about being myself (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially) and living that way peacefully for a number of years, that I felt able to approach the idea of dating again.

I met my husband in 2008 on an online dating site called Natural Friends - not sure it still exists but it was for people who loved nature, birds, animals, wildlife, simple living, plants and herbalism, folklore, gardening, nature based living. It was a lovely site and well managed.

We first met after 4 months of exchanging emails, went on to date, and after a year we decided to get married, and now have 2 teenagers who we have home educated and are still all living a very simple, home-based life (DH works from home and I work in horticulture 3 days a week) with so much joy and happiness.

It really can be a lovely way to meet people.

I’m happy for you OwlSock. That sounds so positive and has obviously worked out very well for you. As for me, sadly, if I wait a few years I’ll probably be dead 🫤 Sounds morbid I know but it’s realistic.

I know people always say it's better to meet people in real life like in Meetup groups, but surely the problem is that most people are attached at our age (mid-fifties), how are you supposed to know who is actually single? I've done online dating and whilst I didn't find my prince, the handful of men I met were all fine, I had a few unpleasant chats with odd men online but never met any of those, as I do have a very strong radar for red flags in any form.

I don't want to start hitting on people in real-life, I meet lots of men at work but I assume they are all attached or don't want to upset the applecart there, so it does leave a bit of a conundrum- how are we supposed to find other single people, if we don't use apps, and they don't all helpfully wear identifying labels!

How old are you OP? Is there any reason to think you haven't got that long? I do agree getting happy with single life is great, because either you remain single and enjoy it more, or you find someone who is even better than your nice single life.

I’m in my 60s. I’ve got other physical issues besides my back problems. On reflection it’s probably best not to look for male friendship again. I’m sure some women of my age would be great at making male friends but if I’m honest with myself I’m probably not amongst their number. I’m quite happy on my own, certainly nowhere near as stressed as I was with my ex who was emotionally abusive and threatened me with physical violence on more than one occasion. I was an idiot to stay with him but it took me a long time to figure that out 😟

I deleted all my accounts last year after a home run of awful awful men.

An obsessive foot fetishist, a guy who turned out to be known to social services, someone who's opening gambit was about throttling me, a copper who knew the guy who killed Sarah Everard, and the jewel in the crown - a guy in IT security who hacked my freelance work emails when I said I didn't think it would work after he struggled to get out of bed to meet me at midday. I lost all my work contacts and it took a stressful week to get even some of them back.

So whilst I'd happily meet someone it's just not worth that level of stress.

Resisterance, that is absolutely horrible!! You poor thing.

I think you should go for it. If you feel like you are ready then why not? Because you are afraid? Face your fear and put a profile up... you never know what could come of it. Ps. Your ex sounds like a disgusting person.