Me overreacting vs controlling husband

[slowlygoingcrazyhelp]

I feel like I’m slowly going mad. Throughout my entire relationship my husband has made sly little sarcastic comments. The latest ones are last night me saying I’m tired so I’m going to bed and he replies with ‘Oh I guess that’s us not having sex then’ then again today we are due to go out at 6 and my friend suggested we meet earlier and I said no I’m happy to go at 6 still his reply was ‘Oh you’re no fun then are you’

i e told him countless times that I don’t like this style of rhetorical put down ( that’s how it comes across). I find it weird like he’s incapable of a normal adult reply.

am I just being a massive sensitive knob or is this feel like weird responses to anyone else?

I wouldn't call it controlling, but it is unpleasant.

It sounds like he doesn't like you much 😕

How is the rest of his behaviour towards you? What kind of a partner is he?

Hmm this is unacceptable ... he is putting you down

You live with this daily ?

How many years now?
Sorry but I would say stop it or it's ending - imagine a scenario where a man who loves you responds in a positive way - if that is not your reality and its a low bar to set, move to make it so.

Imagine living with a friend who treated you with such disdain?

@TwilightSkies i would say hot and cold towards me and the kids. Sometimes good other times, belittling to the kids (x2 girls) but this has got better over the years after I’ve gone on and on about it.

we generally are very different in our energy levels, I like to be up and keeping busy he’d rather chill on the sofa watching sport

How do you respond to these comments?
I agree completely that they unpleasant, but he is clearly getting some kind of kick out of them. You could try taking that away, take his comment totally seriously and reply to it normally. Like with the fun thing, I am guessing you had a schedule of things till 6. Answer like he is an idiot colleague and you have an attentive HR department. "Actually, I am looking forward to having fun later, but in the mean time I have to..... Need to.... and then there is...... So meeting at 6 works for me. Why?"

@Cicciabella married 15 years now. I have said stop otherwise it’ll drive us apart, obviously isn’t taking me seriously!

we’ve been rocky for 2-3 years now and I’ve just had a gutful of it if I’m honest it’s draining.

He is abusive towards you, and in turn your girls. They are learning damaging lessons about relationships from both of you. You cannot protect them from their abusive dad whilst you are all under the same roof.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

They are also seeing you putting up e

With this from their dad and therefore come to regard this as how people behave in relationships. You would not want either daughter to be with someone just like their dad but currently at least you are showing them this is acceptable to you.

He sounds like a fucking arsehole. I'd start putting together plans to be able to leave. It's bad enough that he treats you like this but your DDs as well. Please don't teach them that behaviour like this should be tolerated.

Let me guess, you do the majority of the housework and childcare as well.

What are you actually getting from this relationship?

Have you ever tried to envisage how life might be like for you and your girls....... without him and his unpleasantness?

I'd leave and show your girls we do not tolerate people who belittle us.

Its very scary that their main male role model talks to them this way. They in turn may end up in abusive relationships as a result.

However, if you leave him and continuously reinforce from now on that we do not associate with bullies then hopefully they'll learn not to stay with men like him too.

Life's short op. Don't waste it with a jerk.

This is contempt, and contempt is the death of a marriage. I'd tell him once and for all that he stops this now, that if he does not you will be divorcing him, and then follow through.

Your DDs need to know that this is not something that is normal in a relationship and that they do not have to put up with it.

Sounds like has been a bit sarcastic, and trying it to tell you something this way.

Is there anything , you can think of three years ago which could have hurt his feelings? Which made him feel second best?

Has he stress at work? Do you spend enough time together. Try to find something you both enjoy doing together.

Do you have a friend who is also good friend of him, who can meditate.

Can you talk with your mother or father in law, what they think has changed him?

Make it clear to him you would like to be the man again you have married 15 years ago.

Maybe he is just stressed out from work, but would like to spend more time with you.
Maybe he just got older, and is very became very direct, because he hasn't got the patients anymore to say things in a roundabout way.

" go out at 6 and my friend " sounds like he just lost patients, because he was looking forward to something and you made him wait. Not much to concern, but this is hurting people feelings of course . If you arrange something and you cancel or delay everything in the last minute. Would hurt your feelings as well?!

Coming home from work and being tired is also normal.

What is about inviting a few friends having a glass of vanilla vine, tell them about your internal relationship problems and start a vivid discussion about it. Could be fun to do and a relieve.

Is this a joke?

What is about inviting a few friends having a glass of vanilla vine, tell them about your internal relationship problems and start a vivid discussion about it. Could be fun to do and a relieve.

This is the weirdest advice I have ever read on mumsnet.

There's nowt so queer as folk... 🙀

I think you should leave the relationship for the sake of the two daughters you're bringing up seeing this and experiencing this as their model for relationships and their model of how a man behaves towards the women in his life.

Would you want them to be with such a man in future?

I know it all too well. If you call him out, does he say he's "only joking" by any chance?

Another infuriating arsehole who makes life miserable.
😡

Sorry! But we don't know the man. We don't know how he is otherwise a good father!

Good fathers don't belittle the mothers of their children.

Doesn't seem sever another to leave a marriage just for that. We don't know how he is like in total.
We just try to imagine the situation from a distance , but we could be wrong.

Well, we know that OP is getting massively fed up with his behaviour, don't we? and there are lots of posters who have been through the same or situations like it giving their advice; which it's for OP to decide whether it's helpful or not.