MIL birthday | Mumsnet

marzipanlover81 · 03/05/2024 08:08

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LivingDeadGirlUK · 03/05/2024 08:08

I'd leave it to your husband.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 03/05/2024 08:10

No, fuck her.

Original poster

Laurel8437 · 03/05/2024 08:13

LivingDeadGirlUK · 03/05/2024 08:08

I'd leave it to your husband.

I have done this time, I'll be very upset if he's done something special because he usually makes minimum effort with me! Must run in the family 🤣

OP posts:

Eggmoobean · 03/05/2024 08:15

No, you are fine OP. His mum, his issue.

Naunet · 03/05/2024 08:50

Why did this even become your job in the first place? Does he buy for your parents on your behalf?

Original poster

Laurel8437 · 03/05/2024 08:53

Just one of those things but I won't be doing it anymore... Like I said he hardly bothered with my birthday so I'm going to be annoyed if he's making a special effort for her because he didn't with me nor she doesn't for us.

OP posts:

Naunet · 03/05/2024 08:58

Good for you. If she has a problem with it, she should have raised him better.

Elieza · 03/05/2024 09:00

His mum = his responsibility.

If anything is says about why did you only get me a card I thought there might have been a present, be irritated to say something like:

"as you only got me a card this year I thought we weren't doing presents any more and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable by getting you something when you prefer just cards - and I totally get it, it's difficult out thinking up something to give someone that they'd like so I understand."

Or something. Just be ready. And make sure you tell DH the same thing so he knows too and doesn't bluster about with apologies if she catches him alone to voice her displeasure and guilt trip him.....We didn't get her a gift as we followed her lead. This was her choice. We all have to get along, don't want anyone uncomfortable ...."etc

Elieza · 03/05/2024 09:01

'Irritated'?? That's a typo. I thought I typed 'prepared'

Yeah I'd be well irritated tho!

Uncooperativefingers · 03/05/2024 09:02

Some families just aren't big birthday gifters. Perhaps that's the case in your DH's family?

burnoutbabe · 03/05/2024 09:24

Well he should at least slip £20 into the ads assuming he can afford it.

Match the effort she does for him.

You shouldn't do anything.

DaisyChain505 · 03/05/2024 09:26

His mum, his responsibility.

64zooooooolane · 03/05/2024 09:28

Naunet · 03/05/2024 08:50

Why did this even become your job in the first place? Does he buy for your parents on your behalf?

What on earth are you banging on about... alot of women do tend to be the ones to purchase gifts even if it's for their mil. What is this rubbish 'does he buy for your parents' . Obviously not. Don't be so ridiculous and if he did pick something up for his inalws what's wrong with that anyway.

Original poster

Laurel8437 · 03/05/2024 09:38

So she's specifically asked to see him on her special day, he's not then willing to appease her, he says he'll take a bottle of wine for her, I might offer to get her a bottle from Aldi 's bottom shelf lol 😄 I might add it's a 30 mile round trip!

OP posts:

Tourmalines · 03/05/2024 09:46

64zooooooolane · 03/05/2024 09:28

What on earth are you banging on about... alot of women do tend to be the ones to purchase gifts even if it's for their mil. What is this rubbish 'does he buy for your parents' . Obviously not. Don't be so ridiculous and if he did pick something up for his inalws what's wrong with that anyway.

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Yep , I can never understand that it’s up to the son to have to get his mum the presents when dil is the one that deals with all the gift buying for everyone else anyway . I’ve always been the one to buy for my mil and my dil buys for me . Some people are weird .

TorroFerney · 03/05/2024 10:42

Laurel8437 · 03/05/2024 09:38

So she's specifically asked to see him on her special day, he's not then willing to appease her, he says he'll take a bottle of wine for her, I might offer to get her a bottle from Aldi 's bottom shelf lol 😄 I might add it's a 30 mile round trip!

Why are you still getting involved in it? Leave him to it. You are getting drawn into the drama. Let him get the present or not.

the managing of the present by you to make sure you get a present that’s better than the one she gets is really odd you must know that. It’s not the way to go, you need to speak to him.

what do you want to happen perhaps look at it like that. I think you want your husband to show he values you more than his mum ?

Original poster

Laurel8437 · 03/05/2024 11:33

TorroFerney · 03/05/2024 10:42

Why are you still getting involved in it? Leave him to it. You are getting drawn into the drama. Let him get the present or not.

the managing of the present by you to make sure you get a present that’s better than the one she gets is really odd you must know that. It’s not the way to go, you need to speak to him.

what do you want to happen perhaps look at it like that. I think you want your husband to show he values you more than his mum ?

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My point is it won't be a better one!

OP posts:

beanii · 07/05/2024 15:01

No, I'd do the same.

What does your husband say?

Why visit every week? Is it a habit?

Original poster

Laurel8437 · 07/05/2024 15:09

Well he has to go every week, it's habit and they have a silly routine and it's just her attitude, in fact I'm glad I got a cheap bottle because she never said thanks when he passed it to her.

OP posts:

CosyLemur · 07/05/2024 15:20

Laurel8437 · 07/05/2024 15:09

Well he has to go every week, it's habit and they have a silly routine and it's just her attitude, in fact I'm glad I got a cheap bottle because she never said thanks when he passed it to her.

Probably doesn't say thanks because she's realised years ago that you think even getting a card is a chore; and probably doesn't get you anything because you think getting £20 in a card isn't enough!

Original poster

Laurel8437 · 07/05/2024 15:25

CosyLemur · 07/05/2024 15:20

Probably doesn't say thanks because she's realised years ago that you think even getting a card is a chore; and probably doesn't get you anything because you think getting £20 in a card isn't enough!

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I don't get anything and actually it hasn't been years ..
Surely it's only good manners when someone passes you a gift to say thank you?

OP posts:

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 07/05/2024 15:55

My MIL doesn't get me a birthday present, just a card. It's fine, I just make sure I don't put any work into buying her anything and leave it all to DH, he's fine with that too. I am a tiny bit bitter that my parents go to a lot of fuss over DH on his birthday and I get very little fuss made of me by his family, but not worth getting worked up over

Notamum12345577 · 07/05/2024 16:17

Laurel8437 · 03/05/2024 08:07

Usually I'd buy her something nice, however I haven't this year, that's because this year she's just got me a card and I think why should I go to any effort.
I feel really bad and I just gave my DH her card for him to write.
In the past she doesn't show gratitude or makes a comment so I thought I'm not doing it this year. She doesn't really make the effort with her son just puts 20 in a card and he visits her religiously every week and if he's not there bang on time she's on the phone wanting to know why ..
It's not in my nature not to make an effort but she doesn't with me so....is this wrong of me?

20 in a card for a 20 year grandson is fine I think. A lot of grandparents stop after the GC 18th

edit my mistake, I thought the poster said her son, as in MIL grandchild. Don’t know where I got 20 years old from 🤣
I still think 20 quid in a child for her adult son is fine though.

Mimimimi1234 · 09/05/2024 00:54

My huaband and his whole family dont make any sort of fuss on birthdays. I find it really sad and annoying as my family are so different, we do almost a month of celebrating, parties, meals, presents the lot. They send a text, maybe a card, maybe a token gift or token cash to buy a drink (think 20 quid) and they are all ok with this. I find it weird, but I have come to accept it even though I strongly disagree with it.