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Original poster

would you want to know?

31 replies

a222 · 02/05/2024 23:29

me and my friend went out to a pool hall and the table next to us had two guys on, kept trying to add themselves into mine and my friends game and flirting etc. whatever, me and my friends both have a fella so we were polite but ignored them.

they then paid for their table (the lights go off and you can’t play anymore) and they then asked us for a game of doubles. we said yes, boys V girls, and they then were very patronising but unfortunately won. then we did play mixed doubles after as quite honestly me and my friend were wanting to prove that actually, we can play pool.

anyway throughout they are flirting etc and me and my mate had had a few drinks, but they had not is important to take into account. (also we are drinking on a thursday night as my job is a very short day on a friday and my friends work means she can be flexible). i feel like their age is something else to mention to avoid a dripfeed they are 34 and 30 while me and my friend are 20 and 22. i feel it’s also important to mention that they also have played pool against my dad and step brother in a local pub and are in a pool league where they know my dad and even worse lots of people know each other / gossip.

the guy then added me on facebook (we have many mutual friends) and in his profile picture is his wife and child!! he is out and about acting like a single man and i feel like adding me on facebook with her in the profile picture especially shows a complete lack of respect for her.

realistically, i won’t say anything due to the repercussions it will have, but i feel so awful for her. keeping my mouth shut almost feels wrong.

would IBU to tell my dad about this?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 02/05/2024 23:59

Sounds like a total non issue to me. They played pool with you. It's hardly an affair.
Why wpuld it have repercussions for them that they played pool with women? So long as they weren't snogging you I highly doubt their wives would give a shit.

Also, you can't entertain men flirting with you one minute and then say "oh their poor wives" the next. If it bothers you then you say 'no thankyou' when men who are hitting on you want a game of pool. Don't play several games with them whilst they continue to flirt with you.

I know it can feel hard to set boundaries, especially in your early 20s. But next time 'sorry but my friend and I want to play alone' if people are making you uncomfortable. Practive makes perfect.

Pinkbonbon · 03/05/2024 00:01

By your reasoning, maybe they should also tell your partners that you played pool with them too. Oh, the scandal xD

OrlandointheWilderness · 03/05/2024 00:10

Well that didn't go where I was expecting..!

Original poster
a222 · 03/05/2024 00:11

Pinkbonbon · 02/05/2024 23:59

Sounds like a total non issue to me. They played pool with you. It's hardly an affair.
Why wpuld it have repercussions for them that they played pool with women? So long as they weren't snogging you I highly doubt their wives would give a shit.

Also, you can't entertain men flirting with you one minute and then say "oh their poor wives" the next. If it bothers you then you say 'no thankyou' when men who are hitting on you want a game of pool. Don't play several games with them whilst they continue to flirt with you.

I know it can feel hard to set boundaries, especially in your early 20s. But next time 'sorry but my friend and I want to play alone' if people are making you uncomfortable. Practive makes perfect.

the end of your reply i appreciate as i do realise i struggle with setting boundaries / being direct.

we played 2 games only and left earlier than we were planning to.

we couldn’t exactly say ‘no thankyou’ when they had already sidled over to our table…it was all very awkward.

it would have repercussions as word gets around, i don’t want to be seen as the young girl throwing herself at a married man when that really isn’t what happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
a222 · 03/05/2024 00:12

Pinkbonbon · 03/05/2024 00:01

By your reasoning, maybe they should also tell your partners that you played pool with them too. Oh, the scandal xD

except me and my friend were not behaving in a ‘single way’ we were quiet and did not speak, whereas they were very err forthcoming.

OP posts:
Whereisthelove2 · 03/05/2024 00:18

Yes I would want to know if my partner was out behaving like he was single. By all means have a game of pool with some ladies but no need to be acting single

Pinkbonbon · 03/05/2024 00:18

I'm sure you aren't the only young women they flirt with.

I think you're overthinking it all op.

A couple of chancers tried their arm and got nowhere.

Just so long as you don't start hanging around with them.

And maybe don't accept that friend request.
If they message at all, don't reply.
If they ever see you and give you any 'why didn't you accept my friend request waaaah!'. Just say 'I don't think it's remotely appropriate for married men to ask young women on Facebook. Goodbye now jim'. And avoid them in future.

Floatinginatincan · 03/05/2024 00:21

Why would you tell your dad & who is going to be saying that you were throwing yourself at married men?. Assuming you just played pool with then & didn't shag them on the table just go on with your life. I wouldn't be 'friending' them on FB unless you are hoping to meet up again, then you may have a problem.

Pinkbonbon · 03/05/2024 00:21

*add young women

Ps: if they say 'my wife doesn't mind'. You simply reply 'I mind'.

DixonD · 03/05/2024 00:23

I’m not sure what the issue is? It’s just a bit of fun. This is the age difference showing.

MRRavenclaw · 03/05/2024 00:54

Girl. You played with them. You knew what you where doing lol

Watchkeys · 03/05/2024 01:01

Presumably his wife will be able to see what he's posted on facebook? What would you tell his wife, other than that he's been playing pool with a couple of youngsters?

Feckthisforagameofsoldiers · 03/05/2024 01:27

If they had gone beyond flirting and asked for your number or blatantly asked you out then yes, I would want to know. If they were just flirting then no I wouldn't because all that will happen is a whole load of arguments and hurt, the marriage likely won't end because some stranger said 'your husband flirted with me and my friend' but what will happen is that woman will constantly wonder and doubt and you will just bring a whole lot of pain and insecurity into her life when nothing actually happened.

Railworker · 03/05/2024 06:17

You aren’t responsible for men’s behaviour

category12 · 03/05/2024 06:27

Eh, you and friend needed to be more assertive if you're not interested in these blokes.

Nothing wrong in being outright rude if a couple of guys are bothering you when you don't want chatting up by them. (If you don't feel safe to do so, of course, it's different, speak to barstaff or leave).

Don't accept the "friending" on Facebook. (Are you really 20ish and using Facebook?!)

DatingDinosaur · 03/05/2024 07:14

So you and your friend had a few games of pool with some guys who know your family and one of them added you to their facebook aftewards.

I think you're buzzing from their assumed flirting and making this out to be something bigger than it is.

DatingDinosaur · 03/05/2024 07:16

As for telling your dad. Sure, why not - "hey dad, we played pool with john and steve last night".

Concerningquestion28 · 03/05/2024 07:20

Did they actually ask you out or buy you drinks or anything to indicate actual intention? Sounds like they seemed a bit flirty/friendly.

SamW98 · 03/05/2024 07:42

we couldn’t exactly say ‘no thankyou’ when they had already sidled over to our table…it was all very awkward.

Yes you could. You can say no to anything you don’t want to do - learn to assert your boundaries. You could also have said no to drinks.

Honestly this sounds like a couple of blokes having a big of flirty banter and enjoying your company and you’re overthinking it into a drama about nothing.

You chose to accept his FB request - so why on earth would you tell your dad and what exactly is there to tell? Its a non event

Idontknowwhattodo78 · 03/05/2024 07:50

You do sound very young. Tell your dad????? and if he’s added you on FB I assume his wife can see that?
If you didn’t want to play pool with them, you just say no, if they persist and are making you uncomfortable you tell them to fuck right off. There are men who will take advantage. As to whether these two were or not, I’ve no idea, but you need to learn to deal with pushy men. They will unfortunately, in my experience, be a fairly common occurrence in your life!

gannett · 03/05/2024 07:55

Not sure why OP's getting a hard time here (or why some posters are minimising the men's "flirty banter"). It's obvious that they were flirting a bit but she and her friend thought they could handle that (and they did so) while playing pool with them. The offense isn't about that, it's about discovering that one of them is married and therefore shouldn't have been flirting.

OP - turn down the FB request. And tbh I would tell your dad. Doesn't have to be a big deal, just mention "that guy you play pool with was trying to chat my friend and I up".

It's also fine to stand up to unwanted flirtation in the moment but there's nothing wrong with what you did either.

Humanswarm · 03/05/2024 07:55

Could it literally have been that they were being friendly? Or failing that, silly drunken flirting which many are capable of but in reality would shit themselves if it went further?
To add you in fb for his wife to see makes me think he's just being friendly. Naively I still don't like to think everyone's motivations are bad.
I do think this is a mountain out of a molehill though.

perfectcolourfound · 03/05/2024 08:17

Honestly, this is a non-issue. The fact you were drinking, the age difference, the fact some people gossip - all irrelevant.

You played 2 games of pool with 2 men who were flirty. That's the end of the story.

I'd put money on they wanted another game because their table had 'run out' so decided to use yours.

One learning point is just say no if you don't want someone to play. You don't have to agree to something just because someone else suggests it. Ever. This particuarly applies to men who are flirting in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Good rule for life.

Original poster
a222 · 03/05/2024 08:38

SamW98 · 03/05/2024 07:42

we couldn’t exactly say ‘no thankyou’ when they had already sidled over to our table…it was all very awkward.

Yes you could. You can say no to anything you don’t want to do - learn to assert your boundaries. You could also have said no to drinks.

Honestly this sounds like a couple of blokes having a big of flirty banter and enjoying your company and you’re overthinking it into a drama about nothing.

You chose to accept his FB request - so why on earth would you tell your dad and what exactly is there to tell? Its a non event

Edited

they did not buy us drinks, i mentioned it to sort of show the imbalance between us. we were a little drunk whereas they were stone cold sober grown men.

OP posts:
Original poster
a222 · 03/05/2024 08:39

MRRavenclaw · 03/05/2024 00:54

Girl. You played with them. You knew what you where doing lol

how did i ‘know what i was doing’ when they fking invited themselves over? 😂

OP posts: