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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He called me pathetic infront of his adult daughter

31 replies

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 16:36

Partners late 40s. His 25 year old daughter has appeared back in his life after a couple of years of family drama. He wasnt around much from her being 7 until 19 when she returned. When she appeared 6 weeks ago at his she was having a manic episode and we phoned 111. Shes just come back out and acting more normal. Shes constantly going on about her mum and my partners other 10 year relationship. Shes like a child going over all these memories and showing him photos and screenshots of allsorts. Shes been messaging me and ive been nothing but nice and encouraging.

Id gone down my bfs flat today and took lunch. His daughter was messaging him and was on a bus on her way. Hes not seen her since she went in. I knew the conversations would be very heavy and in the past. It makes me feel on edge as shes been contacting his last partner before me amd my bfs struggled with the past being dragged up. I told him id go home as i had stuff to sort. He accused me of not wanting to know anyone. I explained they needed alone time and he was rude to me. So i left. He text me saying i was childish and pathetic. I told him its not easy for me to listen to stuff about his exes and i wanted to see his daughter next week when im off work and we can relax.
He started saying he didnt wanna talk to me anymore and i was childish. I called him and he answered saying he wasnt going to talk to me as im fucking pathetic. His daughter was there.

His other daughter called me to check her sister had arrived. She said her sister thinks i control her dad. As we carried on speaking weve both realised hes been borrowing money from all 3 of us. He has been lying to us all to get money. I now know hes using drugs and found stuff in his flat.

Im shocked by the whole thing. I dont want to go back to him. I need some words of encouragment to stay away from his drama now.has anyone been here?

OP posts:
Reugny · 02/05/2024 16:38

Run away very fast.

I hope you thanked his other daughter for the large red beacon.

Greywitch2 · 02/05/2024 16:42

If you are the poster who posted before about this bloke and his two DDs that suddenly appeared in his life after he walked out on them and his abusive, alcoholic wife when they were small you had plenty of advice then.

It was that you should run.

If you are not that poster, then it all sounds very similar and the advice is the same. He has so many red flags flying - as do his DDs - that you should get the hell out of there.

It is NOT your problem.

StrawberryWater · 02/05/2024 16:43

If you have any of your important stuff at his then get it back but otherwise block this fool.

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 16:48

I know alot more now than i did. Its just unbelievable all of it.

I need to stay focused and stay silent. They have too many issues and its draining the constant drama. His daughter has taken over his brain. He was on whatsapp last night didnt reply to me for 45 minutes but on and off the app. He said he didnt mean to not reply. Hes messaging her day and night not sleeping. Shes sending him hundreds of screenshots. Shes been allowed home because shes doing better now but she seems obsessed with her dad. Really obsessed. Shes a lovely girl but for 25 shes acting like my 6 year old. Its too much for me.

OP posts:
Damnthedieteatingdoritos · 02/05/2024 16:56

He and his family have too much drama going on here.
Walk away - you can't fix them, and won't get your money back
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 17:07

Am i being selfish not wanting to sit and listen to their chats? Am i coming across to him rude? I just think they all live in the past and its the reason they all have issues

Like ive said above shes 25 and shes like a 6 year old wanting daddy. It seems very odd. But she has bipolar and i dont know exactly whats going on.

After today shes never going to like me again! So hes blown it anyway.

OP posts:
FakeMiddleton · 02/05/2024 17:07

The drugs alone are enough to delete this guy from your life...and then there's more on top? A drama family with one daughter who seems on a mission to destroy? The new one will be the proxy "other woman".

Leave the Petri dish to itself.

FakeMiddleton · 02/05/2024 17:08

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 17:07

Am i being selfish not wanting to sit and listen to their chats? Am i coming across to him rude? I just think they all live in the past and its the reason they all have issues

Like ive said above shes 25 and shes like a 6 year old wanting daddy. It seems very odd. But she has bipolar and i dont know exactly whats going on.

After today shes never going to like me again! So hes blown it anyway.

You can be bipolar and not be a toxic damaging arsehole.

Andthereyougo · 02/05/2024 17:09

Walk away.
You didn't cause this
you can’t control this
you can’t cure this
Applies to any addiction and you’ll just get dragged down and down.

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 17:18

Yeah ive had enough. I cant get past any of it now. His daughter can fund him.

OP posts:
FakeMiddleton · 02/05/2024 17:24

Good for you, OP. Hold firm. He's going to try all the shit tactics in the world to continue to cling on to you. Block him now.

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 17:26

I actually think hell play victim now that i was horrible to him and controlling. Hes got his daughter sat there and sure hes filled her in to take it off himself so im the baddy. I resent the fact he will humour her about things hes plain rude to the rest of us for.

OP posts:
bombastix · 02/05/2024 17:29

Do not ever go back. He is just a mooch off any woman he can find with either a bit of abuse or play you all off each other. And it will literally cost you money to keep him around. He's a woman hater, whatever bullshit he may claim otherwise

mathanxiety · 02/05/2024 17:30

Dump him.

This isn't the man for you.

He's the pathetic loser, and I'd be very worried that this vulnerable daughter of his is now back in his life, for her sake.

mathanxiety · 02/05/2024 17:32

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 16:48

I know alot more now than i did. Its just unbelievable all of it.

I need to stay focused and stay silent. They have too many issues and its draining the constant drama. His daughter has taken over his brain. He was on whatsapp last night didnt reply to me for 45 minutes but on and off the app. He said he didnt mean to not reply. Hes messaging her day and night not sleeping. Shes sending him hundreds of screenshots. Shes been allowed home because shes doing better now but she seems obsessed with her dad. Really obsessed. Shes a lovely girl but for 25 shes acting like my 6 year old. Its too much for me.

Walk away.

Block him.

Do not look back.

Olika · 02/05/2024 17:35

You need to leave this man and all this drama.

TheShellBeach · 02/05/2024 17:37

You sound like you're trying to persuade yourself that things might improve. They won't.

And nobody wants to be around a drug taker, surely?

Bananalanacake · 02/05/2024 17:43

How much money and has he paid you back before, don't lend him anymore

FakeMiddleton · 02/05/2024 18:01

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 17:26

I actually think hell play victim now that i was horrible to him and controlling. Hes got his daughter sat there and sure hes filled her in to take it off himself so im the baddy. I resent the fact he will humour her about things hes plain rude to the rest of us for.

Don't resent! Be GLAD and ecstatic you don't have to listen to the shit any more

Efh · 02/05/2024 18:05

Run very very fast.

He didn't just call you pathetic. He's a lying, thieving druggie who was absent from his child's life between 7 and 19yo.

I wouldn't even bother trying to get the money back from him (unless it was a lot you lent him). I would just get any stuff of yours from his flat and go back home and dump him by text.

JungleJimmy · 02/05/2024 18:09

Nobody else's opinion of you matters, and certainly not the opinion of a man who didn't see his child for a decade through choice 🙄

Walk away and don't look back and keep yourself untangled from all this drama.

Zodfa · 02/05/2024 19:26

You sound unreasonably angry at a young woman whose dad abandoned her when she was in primary school and who has clearly been scarred for life by the experience.

The dad, on the other hand, sounds awful.

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 19:28

Thanks. Hes sent me a victim text saying he loves me but cant handle the way i am. and ive replied and said by calling me pathetic infront of your daughter youve wrecked any hope of a nice future as youve now made sure we cant be in a room together. Hes not replied. Probably doing drugs.

OP posts:
Efh · 02/05/2024 19:45

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 19:28

Thanks. Hes sent me a victim text saying he loves me but cant handle the way i am. and ive replied and said by calling me pathetic infront of your daughter youve wrecked any hope of a nice future as youve now made sure we cant be in a room together. Hes not replied. Probably doing drugs.

OP, I am sorry that you must feel really shitty about this.

But your priority must be to get rid of him permanently. He is an awful boyfriend and father. i would not engage in any further discussion of behaviour, just message saying that the relationship is over.

Greywitch2 · 02/05/2024 19:57

Just end it now and block him.

Honestly, you're gaining nothing from this, except to wind yourself up. You live in separate homes, you can just walk away.

Stop posting about him, and do something about the situation.