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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He called me pathetic infront of his adult daughter

31 replies

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 16:36

Partners late 40s. His 25 year old daughter has appeared back in his life after a couple of years of family drama. He wasnt around much from her being 7 until 19 when she returned. When she appeared 6 weeks ago at his she was having a manic episode and we phoned 111. Shes just come back out and acting more normal. Shes constantly going on about her mum and my partners other 10 year relationship. Shes like a child going over all these memories and showing him photos and screenshots of allsorts. Shes been messaging me and ive been nothing but nice and encouraging.

Id gone down my bfs flat today and took lunch. His daughter was messaging him and was on a bus on her way. Hes not seen her since she went in. I knew the conversations would be very heavy and in the past. It makes me feel on edge as shes been contacting his last partner before me amd my bfs struggled with the past being dragged up. I told him id go home as i had stuff to sort. He accused me of not wanting to know anyone. I explained they needed alone time and he was rude to me. So i left. He text me saying i was childish and pathetic. I told him its not easy for me to listen to stuff about his exes and i wanted to see his daughter next week when im off work and we can relax.
He started saying he didnt wanna talk to me anymore and i was childish. I called him and he answered saying he wasnt going to talk to me as im fucking pathetic. His daughter was there.

His other daughter called me to check her sister had arrived. She said her sister thinks i control her dad. As we carried on speaking weve both realised hes been borrowing money from all 3 of us. He has been lying to us all to get money. I now know hes using drugs and found stuff in his flat.

Im shocked by the whole thing. I dont want to go back to him. I need some words of encouragment to stay away from his drama now.has anyone been here?

OP posts:
Iaskedyouthrice · 02/05/2024 20:08

Why did you reply? The fact is you have stuck around so part of you enjoys the drama. How much money have you been giving him? His daughters aren't going anywhere and he will enjoy messing with you all. Buckle up cos you have no intention of leaving him.

DucklingSwimmingInstructress · 02/05/2024 20:20

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 17:26

I actually think hell play victim now that i was horrible to him and controlling. Hes got his daughter sat there and sure hes filled her in to take it off himself so im the baddy. I resent the fact he will humour her about things hes plain rude to the rest of us for.

Sweetheart, you're obsessing about something that isn't your business any more.

What he thinks of you and what he does is none of your business, actually.

Noseybookworm · 02/05/2024 20:23

He sounds like a complete arse! Why would you need any encouragement to stay away from him?

PrestonHood121 · 02/05/2024 20:42

Time to go. And block the daughters too - not your circus, not your monkeys.

DrJonesIpresume · 02/05/2024 20:52

Sandcastles5 · 02/05/2024 19:28

Thanks. Hes sent me a victim text saying he loves me but cant handle the way i am. and ive replied and said by calling me pathetic infront of your daughter youve wrecked any hope of a nice future as youve now made sure we cant be in a room together. Hes not replied. Probably doing drugs.

Leave him to it. You really don't want an obnoxious waster like him in your life. It is not, repeat NOT your job to fix either him or his daughters.

Do yourself a favour and set yourself free.

CoalTit · 02/05/2024 21:03

"... you have stuck around so part of you enjoys the drama."

Yes! And you need to work to change this trait of yours, or you will be stuck forever being used and abused by liars, drug abusers and drama queens.

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