His unpopular opinion are making me fall out of love w him

[Siamiam]

Today DP asked me if I thought tattoos were a sign of insecurity. Well, he grandly announced that he thought they were. Neither of us have them. I pushed back and said no I didn’t think so, friends of mine have them, and that they were only so much a product of insecurity as say dying your hair is. He disagreed and seemed a bit off with me.

we then had another “debate” about the awful attack in London today. He said he thought it might be terrorism and said I didn’t think it was as it hadn’t been labelled as such. His mind also linked terrorism = Islamic fundamentalism and I said I was fed up of the lazy link between the two. He didn’t respond.

we are now not really speaking (unusual for us) but I am actually just fed up! He likes to voice unpopular opinions occasionally and I’m just losing patience. We’re on different sides of the political spectrum anyway (I’m more left, he’s centre right) and I feel more and more like we’re actually quite different people.

weve been together for a couple of years and I’m wondering if now is the time when people cut the cord? Is it going to get better? Our day to day is generally really good and we rub along nicely but is it fair to want to be with someone who doesn’t have these views?

Depends if "rubbing along nicely" is enough?

I honestly don’t know at this point. I don’t know if this is reason to give up on a relationship.

I think it depends on his attitude rather than his views. If you can disagree respectfully, or have a reasoned discussion where you both start from different places, then that’s the basis for a relationship where you both accommodate different opinions.

if your exchanges are both of you (and from the sounds of it, him in particular) just expressing opinions inflexibly and unpleasantly, then it’s likely these feelings will continue and maybe it’s better that you acknowledge it now.

You should be 'rubbing along nicely' and tolerating a man who pisses you off sometimes and has views you dislike, after 40 years together, not 2. Should still be in the Honeymoon phase at this point. If he's grinding your gears now, bin him. Don't want to be stuck with this for life!

Doesn't matter if an opinion is "unpopular" - do you agree with it is what you need to ask. It's not impossible to have a difference of opinion if you can talk through why you think something. You're perfectly entitled to think he's wrong, though!

You say tomato, I say tomato.

You say terrorism, I say Islamic fundamentalism.

I'm not sure who's causing it, but, to use your example above, if someone says, I think it might be terrorism, could the other person not just say, yes, I suppose it could be? Rather than arguing the toss, for the sake of some peace and harmony? He is right though isn't he, it could be. There's a possibility. It's not a definitive no is it.

Do you love him madly? Would you miss him if he wasn't around? Does he treat you like a princess, and does he pull his weight? Do you want to shag the bones of him? Would you be heartbroken if you never saw him again?

If you are having doubts, don't settle. It's really not a good idea.

I'd say common values are a big thing you should both agree on. Would you feel comfortable with him bestowing this ideology on your children?

His opinions are correct.

Tattoos COULD BE a sign of insecurity in some people. How would you ever know for sure in every case?
So you would have to say - Yes, they could be.
Again the attacks MIGHT BE terrorism. Not labelled nor proven but they might be. How can he be wrong until the full investigation is over?
You would have to agree that - Yes, it might be.

A connection with terrorism to Islamic FUNDAMENTALISM has definitely been proven, time and time again. Most rational people would concede that is a true fact and not a person's opinion. It is also a true fact that most Islamic people are not terrorists.

I think you have a very leftist view and you are not compatible with seeing that another opinion could or might be an option.

You are not compatible.
Many people enjoy arguments and conversations of what might be. They can still respect their partner for posing a possibility that could differ from their partner's ideal. You are less tolerant of such explorations. You are not compatible.

Yes, I'd say exactly around 2 year mark is when you look more and assess if they would work long term - no surprise I've had a few relationships in my time that lasted about 2 years. Personally, someone having right wing views and being ignorant and bigoted, would be a no from early on.

is it fair to want to be with someone who doesn’t have these views?

Of course it's fair!

Fuck him off and find someone better suited to you.

Stay with him, it won't get better, just worse.

A connection with terrorism to Islamic FUNDAMENTALISM has definitely been proven, time and time again. Most rational people would concede that is a true fact and not a person's opinion.

Deaths attributed to the IRA in the recent decades? 1800 from a very very quick google.

Deaths attributed to Islamic Terrorism in the same period in the UK? You tell me. Less than 200 I'd think.

Making Catholics 9 or 10 times as linked to terrorism as Muslims.

With 1.3 billion Catholics, and 1.9 billion Muslims worldwide, Catholics are really pulling their weight. I mean we all know that the demographic that is actually responsible for 90+% of homicides is men, particularly young men, of any faith, religion, creed or colour. But for some reason that's the one demographic that appears to be teflon.

OP there are people with very different views who I love. Typically they are kind, caring and honest, they just differ in how they apply those qualities. But then there are people who share my politics who are total arseholes, in it for the virtue signalling twattery. It's not the views, it's the intent behind. If you think he's a judgemental (tattoos) racist (Islam) then dump. Or if you've just got the ick and the views are a sign, dump.

But if he's an essentially good, attractive to you man, who just thinks differently, find a way to disagree well.

I don't think the IRA have launched an attack on mainland Britain this century.

If I heard news of a terrorist attack in London, I would not think IRA. My mind would go to Islamic fundamentalists.

The threat from the IRA is over, the threat from Islamic fundamentalists isn't.

To be honest, his ignorant and uneducated opinions would give me the ick. I couldn’t be with someone that thick. So I’d end it. It really depends on if it is something you can put up with because you rub along nicely.

is it fair to want to be with someone who doesn’t have these views?

Yes, in a nutshell. 100%. His views aren't just "unpopular", they're prejudiced, bigoted, probably racist and thoroughly idiotic. And I guarantee this is the tip of the iceberg.

Have you reached the point where everything he says irritates you?

Because having a difference of opinion is completely normal.

I'm unaware of the attack in London you refer to so don't have an opinion on it to offer but he said he thought it might be a terrorist attack. You didn't because it hadn't been announced as such.

In recent history, there have been terrorist attacks by Islamic fundamentalists so its not a huge leap of imagination to suggest this might be related

You suggest it definitely wasn't a terrorist attack simply because it wasn't referred to as such and shut a conversation down which would seem a bit 'limited' to me.

As for the tattoo comment - he thinks they're a sign of insecurity. You don't. Personally, I think there are a lot of things that are signs of insecurity - you might not agree. That doesn't that my opinion is 'wrong'. Just that you wouldn't share the same opinion.

The difference for me would be whether he made pejorative remarks about all Muslims based on his thoughts of Islamic fundamentalism. Or posts shit on fb about 'us' no longer being able to do x, y or z in case it offends someone or whatever when it blatantly isnt true. I couldn't really get het up about his opinions on other people's lifestyle choices tbh.

Who decided his opinions are unpopular or is just your opinion?

Opinions are like arseholes - everyone got one! And in most cases there’s no right but wrong - just personal views.

Ive got friends across the political spectrum and there’s plenty we disagree on but we can discuss and debate and agree to disagree without sulking.

Your issue is you both sound intolerant of each others views and there’s no discussion. It sounds as though you’re just incompatible people rather than either being right or wrong.

The level of intolerance to differing views on this thread is staggering

There is different views and there is complete ignorance, so what you should have written is the level of intolerance to ignorance is staggering?

making a blanket statement on tats being about insecurity is ignorant. Or that saying the attack in London was about terrorism, without any facts to back that up, and meaning it was Islamic funamentalism is also ignorant.

so if I’m intolerant to those ignorant views, I will take that all day long.

My exH has some horrible opinions, which is why he's an exH.

It started during the Pandemic, and in the end I was so bored of his conspiracy theories etc (plus many other factors) I'm divorcing him.

It ground me down. I was drowning in negativity. I realised I couldn't face this for the next few decades of life.

It’s not ignorant to believe tattoos are a sign of insecurity-it’s an opinion

People on here tying themselves in knots to make the argument that Islamic fundamentalists are really angelic fluffy bunnies with only good intentions… 😂

Your boyfriend is 100% right and voicing probably what the silent majority secretly think. Perhaps you need to learn the art of agreeing to disagree agreeably.

TBH nothing he has said here is that extreme - his views are his views and yours are yours and it is perfectly possible to have a good relationship when they don't align. However, more worrying is the description of rubbing along together - you are two years in! At this point you should be very much in love and he should be the best man you've ever met!

I don't think the problem is your difference in views and opinions but that you both don't seem able to communicate/respect one another's difference of opinion.

Personally I couldn't

They sound like the beginnings of red pill shit

To me they are dumb and boring. And I couldn't be in a relationship with that. Passing acquaintance in the pub maybe anything deeper, not a chance