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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Newly pregnant partner not happy

27 replies

twinkle2525 · 30/04/2024 18:50

I have 3 of my own children
My partner has none
I'm 32 he's 47. We live apart for now as we're both tied into our own homes but our set up worked & we fell very much in love. Been together 2 years.

Found out I'm pregnant last week. I know it's early days. We planned this as we both agreed trust the universe if it's meant to be it will be.

I've been feeling really poorly already and since we found out he's made excuses not to see me and tells me how busy he is with work all of a sudden. I feel so lonely with it

Last night he text me and said he's scared and he said things can go wrong. I said such as? And he said it could be deformed or die !????
And he went on to say he's old now?
But then said he wants me & baby.

I feel like he's struggling with this more than he's letting on.
I keep crying & he gets angry with me & snappy and says "here we go again"
And he tells me not to blame him that I'm ill which I haven't.

I'm thinking to cut my losses now and raise baby alone. I'm shocked.

OP posts:
watermelonsugar56 · 30/04/2024 18:57

I’m so sorry. His behaviour has been fairly despicable. You need support at this time, not to be ran away from. Perhaps he is just having a wobble but he needs to get real and step up. Good luck OP and congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️xx

InfiniteGoodVibes · 30/04/2024 19:10

I'm thinking to cut my losses now and raise baby alone. I'm shocked.

You have another alternative given it's such early days.

At only 32 I am guessing your 3 children are young.

Think hard OP. He doesn't sound like someone you can rely on in any sense let alone have a child with. Being alone with 4 children will rob you of a better quality of life for both you and your existing children. I would really think carefully about whether going it alone is the only option.

Original poster
twinkle2525 · 30/04/2024 19:10

My eldest child is 14!! I had her at 16 years old I started very young xxxx

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 30/04/2024 19:11

Well, you kind of was always going to be on your own given your setup, so it was a tad crazy to plan this under the circumstances. Did you really want a 4th child to look after on your own? Don't tell me being in love always leads to an urge to have a baby, you've got an odd love/baby connection if so. Nothing dampens passion in a relationship than a baby.
Looks like he fears things will change, he's right, shame he didn't think of that before this idiotic plan which it seems went as far as creating a baby, but not really any further than that logistically.
Its good the baby has you, you've done it all before so know you can manage.

PineappleTime · 30/04/2024 19:15

Trust the universe? Jesus you're an adult woman with kids - why make such an important decision in such a cavalier and reckless way? You don't try for a baby with a man you don't live with. You made a silly choice and now you have to live with it one way or another. Honestly I think reading mumsnet should be compulsory for any woman thinking about trying for a baby with anyone!

ivs · 30/04/2024 19:17

PineappleTime · 30/04/2024 19:15

Trust the universe? Jesus you're an adult woman with kids - why make such an important decision in such a cavalier and reckless way? You don't try for a baby with a man you don't live with. You made a silly choice and now you have to live with it one way or another. Honestly I think reading mumsnet should be compulsory for any woman thinking about trying for a baby with anyone!

This!

Seriously, why be so careless??

Original poster
twinkle2525 · 30/04/2024 19:17

Pineapple time... reckless?? I think it's quite reckless of you judging people you have never met by a tiny snippet of their story and taking your time out to try making them feel bad. The reason we don't live together yet it's because we both have mortgages & both houses need to be sold in order to get one together etc. so do one you silly fool.

OP posts:
Motnight · 30/04/2024 19:20

twinkle2525 · 30/04/2024 19:17

Pineapple time... reckless?? I think it's quite reckless of you judging people you have never met by a tiny snippet of their story and taking your time out to try making them feel bad. The reason we don't live together yet it's because we both have mortgages & both houses need to be sold in order to get one together etc. so do one you silly fool.

The reason why you don't live together is because this man doesn't want to commit to you.

GrazingSheep · 30/04/2024 19:20

Is this the abusive prick you ditched 2 months ago for the way he was treating your 5 year old??

ironorchids · 30/04/2024 19:26

You were trying for a baby and now you're pregnant he's changed his mind and started tearing you horribly with no sympathy at all for your morning sickness, essentially getting annoyed at you for being sick?

That's pretty nasty behaviour from him and I think he'd need to do a lot to make it up for things to be ok again.

Have you explained to him that this is a choice he made and it's unfair of him now to pretend it isn't and leave you to it?

He knew when he was trusting the universe that any baby could get sick and die, that is the nature of life. He's 47 not 12. This guy needs to take some responsibility and at the very least admit the fact that the potential for a baby to be sick has not changed between his trusting the universe and your being pregnant.

Pull him up on it!

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 30/04/2024 19:29

Why did you have a baby with this man? Who was so jealous of your 5 year old that you dumped him! He sounded very weird in your first few posts. You’re only 32 OP, you’re so young, if you want another child, you have time to meet someone really lovely and do this with a partner and not by yourself, this man sounds good for nothing.

InfiniteGoodVibes · 30/04/2024 19:29

twinkle2525 · 30/04/2024 19:10

My eldest child is 14!! I had her at 16 years old I started very young xxxx

More reason to not be so foolish then. You haven't spent a single year of your adult life not raising kids. Do you not what more for yourself OP?

PineappleTime · 30/04/2024 19:29

twinkle2525 · 30/04/2024 19:17

Pineapple time... reckless?? I think it's quite reckless of you judging people you have never met by a tiny snippet of their story and taking your time out to try making them feel bad. The reason we don't live together yet it's because we both have mortgages & both houses need to be sold in order to get one together etc. so do one you silly fool.

😆
I'm not the silly fool. I'm not pregnant by a man I don't live with who has now flaked out on me. Don't be so defensive.

Allthegoodnamesaregone1 · 30/04/2024 19:32

twinkle2525 · 30/04/2024 19:17

Pineapple time... reckless?? I think it's quite reckless of you judging people you have never met by a tiny snippet of their story and taking your time out to try making them feel bad. The reason we don't live together yet it's because we both have mortgages & both houses need to be sold in order to get one together etc. so do one you silly fool.

You're the silly fool
All that just makes you look a lot more ridiculous. You easily could've waited until you lived together.

Another child brought into a bad situation.
When will adults learn?

Overtheatlantic · 30/04/2024 19:37

Your relationship is in a precarious state. If you have this baby then you will be a single mother of four and on benefits for at least a couple of years. Do you think those kids don’t deserve better?

InfiniteGoodVibes · 30/04/2024 19:40

I just looked at your recent posting history.

All about him and you even had a termination in October.

You clearly need therapy @twinkle2525 not Mumsnet. This is not a good man for you or your children. God only knows why you risked pregnancy by him again.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 30/04/2024 20:10

You're so "very much in love" with the man you don't live with, that you dumped him a few months back for being jealous of your 5yr old.

Babies are not the answer to everything. You've got 3, the first born when you were a child yourself. You need to look deeper at what this is all about? Why the attempts at pregnancy from a near 50yr old you don't live with? The need for a family?

You don't sound terribly...hmmm....worldly, going by your posts so far. Has it not occured to you that the near 50yr old who has spent their entire life childfree, was just enjoying having a 32yo gf he doesn't even need to share a house with? Of course he told you what you wanted to hear. You keep having sex with him that way. He doesn't want the baby. Sorry if this is harsh, but this isn't about you, it's about a fourth child being deliberately raised by you, alone, when you already have 3 to stretch yourself over. Is he minted? Appealing child support?

How is this a good idea in anyone's world but yours? Snapping at posters who can see this, is down to you. The baby doesn't get a choice though, does it, that's what they're cross about.

velveteenedge · 30/04/2024 20:32

Your previous posting history says it all.

You had a termination of his child in October, he's emotionally abusive towards your 5 year old, he's "nasty and offensive" and you are pregnant to him again?!

How?? Please take responsibility for contraception if you insist on staying in a relationship with a man who is jealous of your existing children.

I despair for how low your bar is.

velveteenedge · 30/04/2024 20:39

I have no words...... you posted this disingenuous message just before all the threads asking for advice about how awful your boyfriend was to you and your kids.

Oh and it's massively offensive to those of who have experienced miscarriages to pass a casual abortion off as one in a glib attempt to gain sympathy online.

Shame on you, you deserve each other.

twinkle2525 · 03/03/2024 11:27
Hello....
me and my partner are trying for a baby.
I'm already a mummy, but will be our first together.
I had a miscarriage in October so 4 months ago :( we're trying again but I'm open ears for any tips or tricks to speed it up and happy to hear others stories.
Thanks in advance xxxxxxxx

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2024 20:43

🤦‍♀️

OlafLovesOlives · 30/04/2024 20:52

Fecking hell!! So many shitty relationships and situations and too many innocent babies being born into these shit shows! I say this as someone who was born into a shit show ‘relationship’ then abandoned.

Threebutterflies24 · 30/04/2024 20:54

@twinkle2525
hi twinkle . I think you’re getting some really nasty replies on here . I haven't read your previous posts and not sure how I do that . But I definitely think you need some more self confidence in yourself . Stand up to him and probably get rid as it doesn’t sound like he’s that serious . I would try and get some counselling about the baby unless your already decided to definitely keep it . I had kids young (18&19) so kind of understand and was always with crap men who treated me like crap.
Hope you bet some support in real life . Hugs

artemisarrows · 30/04/2024 20:55

Pretending you had a miscarriage rather than abortion to gain sympathy is abhorrent (and I'm fully pro-choice, having experienced both!)

A quick search of your username paints a very dysfunctional picture of this "relationship"/toxic shitshow.

Sort yourself out, for your kids' sake.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 02/05/2024 07:19

Jesus Christ.

April 10th he's dumped you and grinning "all the best" at you.

April 26th you're posting about your pregnancy.

This would be the pregnancy 2 weeks after the "abusive narcissist" dumped you. The second pregnancy, after he was so abusive you terminated the first a couple of months ago.

Literally wtf are you doing?

PineappleTime · 02/05/2024 07:24

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 02/05/2024 07:19

Jesus Christ.

April 10th he's dumped you and grinning "all the best" at you.

April 26th you're posting about your pregnancy.

This would be the pregnancy 2 weeks after the "abusive narcissist" dumped you. The second pregnancy, after he was so abusive you terminated the first a couple of months ago.

Literally wtf are you doing?

"Letting the universe decide" apparently
🙄🙄🙄