Strange question!

[messylove]

Why do I feel uncomfortable about my fiancé looking at my body? Is this normal?

Is it just that you feel uncomfortable or does he make you feel uncomfortable, they are different things.

I think we need some more detail, eg as poster above said, also are you talking about generally or specifically when you're naked? Are we talking about any looking, or looking during sex?

But no, it's not normal to feel uncomfortable about it generally if it's with someone you presumably love and have sexual feelings for, I would say.

Depends, is he looking with desire, disgust or nonchelance?
1st good, 2nd bad, 3rd - might be not in the mood at the time so not the end of the world.

Sorry I should have gone into more detail. It's both dressed and undressed. I feel very uncomfortable. It's not done in a nasty way at all. I feel very uncomfortable in myself but when he makes comments such as I can tell you've lost weight on your bum, I think well you shouldn't be looking at my bum in the first place!

So it is more to do with him making remarks about your appearance then?

Yes and the fact that he's looking! I don't want him or anyone to look!

That's definitely not normal. He fancies you, he's going to want to look at you. Generally people enjoy seeing the people they love naked.

How do you achieve not looking at HIS body, if you want him to do the same? You are in an intimate reationship.

Thanks for clarifying @Bobbotgegrinch!

I'm very paranoid about my own body so maybe it's that. But if I were a size 8 I'd probably feel the same.

I know it sounds ridiculous but i actually think it's disrespectful to look and makes me feel uncomfortable.

I don't look at his body, I'm not bothered what he looks like.

So he critiques your body and makes comments about your weight? That’s not good.

No he doesn't critique it. I'm trying to loose weight and he said that he could tell that I'd lost weight on my bum.

I think it's the feeling that's conveyed that would make it a problem or not. If he looks at you when you're ready to go out and says, "You are gorgeous!" that's one thing. But what you report sounds a bit clinical. I'm not sure I would like that, tbh.

Isn't that giving you encouragement though?
I'm no spring chicken but my husband often remarks that I'm looking trim. I rather like it and don't take offence. I also comment if he's looking good which to be fair is a tad rare these days.

Is this a recent thing?
Do you keep talking about dieting and trying to lose weight?

Could he think it's a topic you like talking about because you keep bringing it up in conversation?
And yes trying to please you by telling you what you want to hear maybe?

Or is it not like that..

So he's complimenting you?

I know you probably already know this, otherwise you probably wouldn't have started a thread, but this is your issue, not his.

Him not being able to keep his eyes off your body is a sign of how attractive he finds you. Its a good thing!

You mention in another post that you never look at him like that. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable so feel free to not answer the next few questions if you don't want to. Do you find him attractive? If so, why? Is sex something you enjoy, or feel you have to do? How do you feel when you see yourself naked in the mirror? Have previous boyfriends made you feel like this?

I know the above seem like quite personal questions, but your thinking on this topic is probably quite different to most peoples, and the questions above might go some way to helping people understand where you're coming from.

Your attitude towards looking at people's bodies, especially one's partner's body, is absolutely not normal or healthy. You genuinely might need some therapy to deal with this.

It is highly unusual to feel embarrassed about your body with the man you're going to marry. You might consider therapy.

At what point was that ever even mentioned?

If anything, he was complementing her.

@Bobbotgegrinch I don't mind sex but it's not that important to me. If we do have sex it's with my nightdress on. I do find him attractive but I don't stare at his backside! When I look in the mirror I feel disgusted so I find this hard to do, and hate photos being taken.

@LifeExperience I do love him and I've had therapy in the past and it didn't do anything. Maybe we are getting a bit old for this as we are in our 40s?

With kindness I think this is a you problem. As others have said it's quite normal for your partner to want to look at you naked and the comment you've given as an example sounds like he was trying to be encouraging more than anything else - he wasn't being negative.

Have you ever discussed this with him? Does he know you find your own body disgusting?
How do you think you'd feel if you were in a room completely on your own with no mirrors naked? Do you think you could try that - and gradually get yourself more used to being naked?
I am 100% there is nothing wrong with your body at all and actually your partner finds you attractive naked and with clothes on.
I think it's probably worth you having some counselling sessions to try and understand why you feel this way about yourself. What your partner is doing is perfectly normal and if you dont tackle your own issue you may find this becomes an issue in your relationship.

@OlderandwiserMaybe thanks for your response. Being in a room with no mirrors is better but would still make me feel very uncomfortable. Yes he knows how I feel and he says he can't understand it. Maybe because he's a man and hasn't had kids!

My ex was fine with her body but did moan about her hips and legs (and quite a few bits really) and would never wear shorts or short skirts/dresses.

In the past I was quite shallow so that would have put me off but I did love her a lot that to me, she was perfect. I told her, "I love everything about you, I love your thighs even though you don't as they are you, it's who you are, and I love everything about you." For me she was stunning, wobbly bits and all, and would take her 100 times over compared to someone seen as more "perfect". That's when I realised it was true, unconditional love!

He looks because he fancies you, lumps and bumps and all that.

It's a worry how many people engage with the 'Are my feelings normal?' question by saying 'yes' or 'no'.

Why would you even be interested in what their impression of 'normality' is? Why would you defer to that? Why do you think they might know better than you about what is 'normal', and why do you actually want to be normal?

We are individuals. It is normal to like broccoli; do you think you 'should'? It is normal to like going to nightclubs; do you think you 'should'? It is normal to run several times a week; do you think you 'should'? It is normal to eat things that are bad for you and drink too much alcohol; do you think you 'should'?

A happy life isn't based around 'doing things that fit in with others' behaviours/feelings'. A happy life is created by doing things that fit in with you, and finding people who respect you for that.

As an aside, how do you think 'normal' got created, in any given circumstance? It was by people doing what they felt like doing, regardless of convention. That's how it's sometimes 'normal' to wear flares, and 30 years later, it's 'not normal' to wear flares.

People are happier when they are allowed to feel what they feel, without pressuring themselves to feel differently, and we all feel things differently depending on our experiences.

Stop figuring out 'normality; and where you fit within it, and start looking at what would make you feel better. If you don't want him to comment on your body, tell him: would he respect that?