Found out he cheated early days

[lolorin]

I don't know what to do so am really seeking advice.

Background - I'm 27 been with my fiancé who is the same age since December 2021.

We started seeing in May 2021 and made it official in December 2021. Between the May and December I must admit I was unsure what I wanted, I would often tell him that it isn't working and that I didn't want a relationship. We would call it off, a few days later we'd be back speaking again so it was quite turbulent at the start.

We have now been together for 2 and a half years and are so happy. We are engaged and buying our first house and everything seems perfect, he is obsessed with me and I am with him.

The only problem - I have just found out that he slept with someone (he was seeing before me) back in July 2021, he had been going over to her house, calling, texting etc.

We were only 2 months in of knowing eachother at this point, but I feel so hurt finding this out and just feel as though I can't trust him at all now.

What do I do? I don't know if it's worth even bringing it up as it was 3 years ago now, and I was a bit of a bitch to him back then by basically telling him I didn't want to be with him. But I still feel really upset and like an idiot by finding this out.

Please tell me if iabu, or share some advice words of wisdom, or what you would do in this situation?

I remember him constantly texting / calling / begging for me, telling me he wouldn't look at anyone else

Quite why anybody would want to dismiss the fact that he was saying this stuff whilst having sex with someone else is beyond me.

Just catching up. OP I wouldn't bring it up with him unless you are ready to tell him the truth about what you were up to at the same time. No clue if candour would clear the air or blow you apart. Probably the latter if you were having more sex with more men they he was with other women.

@idreamoftoddlersleepytime yes I agree, I'd be a hypocrite to bring it up to him but then not tell him what I was up to.

I'm just not going to say anything, now that a few days have passed I don't really care I think it was the initial shock. It was so long ago and we barely knew eachother so I don't think it's even worth mentioning now.

I only slept with 1 person during that time apart from him, not sure if his was more or just this one girl but either way it's the past now isn't it. Positive thinking from here on!

If you must think about this, do so through the lens of that time. Tumultuous new relationship, very young, you were doing the same.

Neither had any idea it would develop into the lovely thing you have today.

So try and mentally contain these as two different times Nd don't let whatever happened in the first affect the current. Pre and post deciding to make a go of it, if you like.

In all honesty, yes you could approach him for assurance about this/a discussion on why he slept with another girl when making such big gestures to you. However, what if he asks you whether there was anyone else? Did you like them? Least said, soonest mended.

Perhaps because he was being given so many mixed messages with op calling it off every five minutes and he didn't know where he stood?

Yeah, that's a reason to leave, not a reason to lie.