Partner is leaving me and children.

[Aerial200]

So out of the blue my partner of 7 years and having 2 children and a mortgage is leaving…
he has shared that he is not happy and doesn’t know who he is any more…
I am completely heart broken and just don’t know what to think. He said it’s nothing to do with me and that he still loves me but needs time on his own. It’s all his stuff he needs to work on, As he knows he hasn’t been the best partner or dad for a while.
he is planning on renting somewhere and I am so worried for the future ect. I have said to him why is he giving up and he said he isn’t…
he has said he is not closing the door on there ever being an us but at the moment it is not what he wants.
I feel so lost and I am trying to stay strong for my kids as they are only 18monthe and 3.
I have said to him what are you going to tell the kids and he said he doesn’t know. I don’t want to break my children’s hearts!
I am also scared for the house as I cannot afford the mortgage on my own and i only pay so much and then I do the food shops ect. I am so cross because the way he has explained things is that things have got too much and the mortgage was his idea!
I am sadly hoping he realises that this is what he wants!
I just don’t know what to think or do! He still wants to do days out together but I don’t think I can pretend to be happy families at the moment.
:(

So sorry. It’s so obvious yet they think they are so original

I was coming on to say the fist poster had nailed it, then I read your update op.
Sorry to hear what you are going through.
It’s so, so predictable.

What a piece of shit.
Can't believe he hasn't seen his children for 3 weeks...he's shown his true colours, good riddance! I'm glad you have the support of your parents nearby. Take it easy x

P.s easier said than done but please stop thinking or wondering what you did wrong...I can assure you, absolutely nothing. He just wanted a new thrill! Same thing happened to me with ex fiancé...and now married to the best man I've ever met. So may not seem like it now, but they'll be someone else better out there for you should you wish to find love again when you're ready x

My advise now- put yourself first and your children.
You ex absolutely will be putting himself first.

I went through this years ago . Try to make sure you are financially secure just in case he stops paying the mortgage. At the moment he is protecting his asset . Get the contact on a formal basis so he has to work around seeing the children . When my husband left I facilitated him seeing the children for them and also because I knew it would annoy the OW if he couldn’t just behave like a man with no responsibilities . Hard as it is try and feel anger at what he has done. Do you have friends/family you can talk to? Don’t lie to protect him. Good luck . Plenty of us have been there and we are behind you x

It does seem he got bored of family life….
seems to only see the children in short bursts.
ah did you? That’s lovely!
i think I’m in my mid 30’s and just feel like that’s it which I know is stupid!
xx

Well you can stay on the house at least until your youngest turns 18

No point being with someone if it's not working and I think it's good that he left and didn't keep you hanging on like a mug even though he's done what he's done

You have a job which is brilliant to give you adult time and money

You have beautiful DC

You are very lucky to have family to take your DC when need be

So you have enough to get you through this difficult time

You are your own person
You don't need him to validate that you are a strong independent woman

It does seem he got bored of family life….
seems to only see the children in short bursts.
ah did you? That’s lovely!
i think I’m in my mid 30’s and just feel like that’s it which I know is stupid

Focus on what you have got

Then focus on doing things that give you joy

Meeting up with other parents and their DC and all the fun that brings

Oh my goodness, what a twat.

Are you both on the mortgage? If so your first move needs to be to remind him that he still has to pay his half and if he doesn't and you end up defaulting on the mortgage his credit rating will also be fucked into all eternity.

He really is

Yes we are and he’s paying it and has says he will continue to.
I am saving money though in case!

Are you claiming UC? With your kids so young you don't need to be working all the hours God sends - there is help available.

It sounds like you're doing so well, even though you don't think you are OP.

It takes a long time to get over a betrayal like this.

He's disgusting and I hope karma bites him.

Can you imagine if you decided you had enough of being a responsible parent..let's just ditch the kids and be a bachelorette..
Yeah of course he can't have the children as he is working..how does he think the rest of the single parents pay their bills?

OP, I suggest every time he says he can’t take the kids because he’s working, tell him okay but on days X and Y I can’t take the children because I’m working.
It should not be acceptable.

I get some @researchers3 however it’s not a lot, Thankyou appreciate that, I’m very much a person that plods on!
Yes I feel at the moment I won’t ever get over it, constantly thinking what did i do as it was out of the blue in some respects.
he was on about marriage and then suddenly he was done.

I am sorry OP. Keep saving as at some point he will want to sell the house and because you weren't married it will be a straight 50 50. Mersher orders are very rare now and you weren't married so don't think it is even applicable. What a waste of space he is.

.

Put in a claim for child maintenance tomorrow

He is a coward. He has walked away from his responsibilities

@Pumpkinpie890
i know makes me sad! I thought he was a better person! Don’t get me wrong he live with another young man so them staying over is an outright no, however I have offered for him to stay and I can sleep at my mums but he has not took me up on the offer…

The accepted Mumsnet method is to sneak around behind their partner's back 'getting their ducks in a row' and then leave, isn't it?

That method always strikes me as particularly ruthless and exploitative - i.e. happy to take the benefits of the relationship, such as money, when it suits them - despite knowing what they're planning to do.